My younger sister sneered that she "feels sorry" that I didn't live the American dream like she is living right now, but I know she's not sorry. It's just a rub in my face with the truth that she has a better life than I do and too bad for me. I laughed to myself as my past flashed in front of my eyes. What I feel, I am alone.
People look at me and think that I've always had it all, but I didn't. I worked very hard to make up for what I didn't have. Now, I see my younger sister feeling she has the damn right to be priviledged with this dream, she demands that it is hers. So I give her a reality check and she's angry at me for having slowed her down from her streak of American-ness.
She's cursing right outside the door about me (but too afraid to see my hurt face... too afraid to face me head-on), thinking I am on the phone complaining to my boyfriend, but I am actually sitting in front of the computer. She's blaming me for my parents arguing. To her, I am the antagonist in her life, far worse than the Devil himself. In her accusations, I am the antagonist in my family. And again, I laugh and cry to myself that I'm such a silly person. Silly for thinking that I am significant.. Silly for wanting to be a special girl throughout my life when I was the shield and the sword for my family all along.
My heart is broken again. Comfort songs playing to ease my internal pains. I miss Christine.
There are no comments on this entry