I couldn't sleep last night. It's funny when you're seriously tired but your mind is still ticking away about this and that. I tossed and turned, commanding my mind to shut up so I can go to sleep... SLEEP. SLEEEEEP!!! Then I woke up some time later thinking I haven't fallen asleep yet.
Seriously, this was how bad it was:
OK, we will save our income tax returns towards the big day - whenever it is. Of course, we'll save up money each week for the next x-number of years. What kind of dress should I get? Gawd, I need to lose weight. Should it be indoors or outdoors? OK, indoors it is. Wait, how big should we have it? 300? 400? What about his family? Maybe we should just rent a coach bus for all his friends and family to ride in when they come up here. I saw that in one of the Girls Next Door show. That's a good idea. What about our honeymoon? I would love to go to Euopre. No, That damn Euro currency is too much. Maybe we'll be cheap and spend our vacation in Thailand. I've been there before and it's beautiful. It'll be romantic enough for honeymooners. I remember there were lots of honeymooners from Europe that went to Chiang Mai. OK, OK. Oh yeah, the banquet hall. I want it to be reallyyyyy pretty. We'll have enough to get a banquet hall, but what about decorations. Gosh, roses and other flowers must probably cost thousands. Damn. I didn't think about that. Wait, what kind of food will we have? I want it to be real festive, coz I'm not low-class like that. that's right. yes. ... maybe he can come live up here after we get engaged or something.. maybe a couple of months before the big day. And then.. we'll get a really nice apartment. I want a 2-bedroom apartment so we can use the extra space for guests or as an office. I want a 2-story apartment. yes, that'll be nice. Oh, I remember my cousin had a place like that before. It was real expensive. Blah, oh well. It'll be worth it. Then we can save up to get a nice house or something. ... will I get bored? What will others think? I can picture what some cousins will say - that they beat me and I lost... that I chose marriage over success. Damn them. I don't want to lose. Wait, whatever. I'll just give a nonchalant comeback that I have no regret because I've found true love. That's right, b!tches!! In yo face!!!! And besides, I'm way more successful than any of them so I'm still ahead of the game. Ah, dont be lazy, Madie. Or they'll catch up and be better than you. Ok.. I need to get my Masters degree soon.... in.. OMG.. what about having children? I don't want to be too old when I have kids but I don't want them anytime soon. I hate it when babies cry just because they can. If I lose weight to look hot on that day, why should I be in a rush to have kids and stretch my stomache out? F-that! Ok.. sleep.. SLEEEEEEP. need to SLEEP.
LOL. I text my BF this morning about it and he joked back to not worry and not feel that he's pressuring me. he hasn't even popped the question yet. It was only a suggestion that we set the date in 2010. *PHEW* I felt great relief and text back "Good! since you haven't said the magic password, my answer is NO."
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