What is confidence? Options

[GentleWind]

Since we have been talking about confidence alot on this forum. I am sure we all have some ideas about what confidence is. So when we talk about confidence, we are talking about duality of confidence versus insecurity. But we are focusing on confidence, and hopefully by understanding what confidence is, we will come to understand what insecurity is. Of course, I am talking about the psychological aspects, the mind, the perception (of oneself and others). I would like to generate some discussion about this topic in hope to shed some lights on how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive how others percieve us. In other words, I hope this topic helps us understand ourselves better. I believe that everything orginated from the mind, and that the mind has the power to change almost everything especially our perceptions, thinking, etc.

I am a human being just like you are. I have my weaknesses and strengths, and this topic is NOT about passing judgements but discussing the psychology of how we see ourselves. Therefore, this topic is very relevant to us. So please feel free to share your understanding or experience of your confidence.

[mastaping]

con·fi·dence
full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing:


Im not exactly sure true confidence can really exist, in a world where nothing is certain.
Maybe I don't truly understand what confidence is...Maybe it's because i lack it.

[GentleWind]

con·fi·dence
full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing:


Im not exactly sure true confidence can really exist, in a world where nothing is certain.
Maybe I don't truly understand what confidence is...Maybe it's because i lack it.

Thank you bonita.

By that definition, and since there is no certainty for outcomes, would you say confidence is a state of mind that allows one to have full faith in him or herself to do his or her best? In other words, the person will give 100% effort on his/her part. Would you say a strong determination/conviction to walk the path (to accomplish a goal) is confidence?

So then what causes people not have such a state of mind or confidence?

This post has been edited by GentleWind: Aug 16 2011, 12:06 PM

[SacredG]

Ultimately, everything is gonna be a-ok. What is there to Fear?

[GentleWind]

Ultimately, everything is gonna be a-ok. What is there to Fear?

So confidence is the courage to do something but regardless of the outcome, everything will be ok? Then fear must be the opposite of confidence?

Then what causes people to have fear?

This post has been edited by GentleWind: Aug 16 2011, 12:13 PM

[SacredG]

So confidence is the courage to do something but regardless of the outcome, everything will be ok? Then fear must be the opposite of confidence?

Then what causes people to have fear?

Fear in the forms of insecure, hate, anger, jealousy... is lack of Love, and that Love starts and begins from within. To make it easy for some to understand, a fearful person is one who lacks self-love.

This post has been edited by SacredG: Aug 16 2011, 12:37 PM

[mastaping]

Thank you bonita.

By that definition, and since there is no certainty for outcomes, would you say confidence is a state of mind that allows one to have full faith in him or herself to do his or her best? In other words, the person will give 100% effort on his/her part. Would you say a strong determination/conviction to walk the path (to accomplish a goal) is confidence?

So then what causes people not have such a state of mind or confidence?

It has to be a state of mind. Lets say you had a paper to do... and you had full confidence you could do this paper, but something happens...and the paper does not get written...you had full confidence that you could do it, but due to unforeseen external situation, you could not get it done. What then? Also, the person who says "Oh no, i cannot write that paper" do they lack confidence? Or do they simply know that they cannot do it? I have the thing where your not sure if you can do it, and in some cases you probably cant! lol but hey lets do it anyway....whatever thats called.

[GentleWind]

It has to be a state of mind. Lets say you had a paper to do... and you had full confidence you could do this paper, but something happens...and the paper does not get written...you had full confidence that you could do it, but due to unforeseen external situation, you could not get it done. What then? Also, the person who says "Oh no, i cannot write that paper" do they lack confidence? Or do they simply know that they cannot do it? I have the thing where your not sure if you can do it, and in some cases you probably cant! lol but hey lets do it anyway....whatever thats called.

Interesting.


So if I make marriage my long term goal, confidence then would be the means to accomplish that goal? Is patience and persistence part of confidence? What do you think?

[GentleWind]

Fear in the forms of insecure, hate, anger, jealousy... is lack of Love, and that Love starts and begins from within. To make it easy for some to understand, a fearful person is one who lacks self-love.

Let me see if I get this right:

So when we operate upon insecurity, hate, anger, and jealousy, we are the one who suffer. And someone who brings himself/herself suffering does not love himself/herself. Then the solution to confidence is to abandon insecurity, hate, anger, and jealousy or cultivate virtues that are opposites of these.

What are the virtues that one can cultivate? Insecurity for example, can be dealt with through accepting what the person has, and the person can rely on self-love instead of depending on the external environment (other people and material things) for love. Would self-love here translate as contentment with oneself or what one has? Hate. What would be an antidote against hate? Would forgiveness and other-love be a good antidote? Others are just human beings like I am, and they do make mistakes, and their mistakes should be their problems. Why should their mistakes be my problems? Why should I get angry because of their mistakes. Too often, we look for blames in others but we don't look at our angry mind. When things go my way, I will be happy. When things don't go my ways, I will be upset. So the way we think and do things is what brings us anger or suffering. The mind also likes to make comparison and measure-you are wrong, I am right, why did you do this to me. So we would sit there and think and measure little things people say or do to us. From there, it has become a ground for anger. Jealousy. What is the antidote for jealousy? Well jealousy is a product of greed or selfishness. We can train the mind to give more than to take. Whatever we can offer others and should not be based on conditions.

Thank you SacredG. It is very deep and helpful.

[SacredG]

Let me see if I get this right:

So when we operate upon insecurity, hate, anger, and jealousy, we are the one who suffer. And someone who brings himself/herself suffering does not love himself/herself. Then the solution to confidence is to abandon insecurity, hate, anger, and jealousy or cultivate virtues that are opposites of these.

What are the virtues that one can cultivate? Insecurity for example, can be dealt with through accepting what the person has, and the person can rely on self-love instead of depending on the external environment (other people and material things) for love. Would self-love here translate as contentment with oneself or what one has? Hate. What would be an antidote against hate? Would forgiveness and other-love be a good antidote? Others are just human beings like I am, and they do make mistakes, and their mistakes should be their problems. Why should their mistakes be my problems? Why should I get angry because of their mistakes. Too often, we look for blames in others but we don't look at our angry mind. When things go my way, I will be happy. When things don't go my ways, I will be upset. So the way we think and do things is what brings us anger or suffering. The mind also likes to make comparison and measure-you are wrong, I am right, why did you do this to me. So we would sit there and think and measure little things people say or do to us. From there, it has become a ground for anger. Jealousy. What is the antidote for jealousy? Well jealousy is a product of greed or selfishness. We can train the mind to give more than to take. Whatever we can offer others and should not be based on conditions.

Thank you SacredG. It is very deep and helpful.

First of all, what you wrote above is what I've come to realized and now am operating from. I can't stress enough how much better it had made my life as well as for others around me. I felt people are conditioned to look outward of themselves to find solutions to problems while not recognizing that problems were first created from within, ie thoughts, actions and deeds etc. One person's reality is nothing but a reflection on one's inner-being. How then, can we find answers when we encounter major or minor issues? By going inward and take responsibilities for our thoughts, action and deeds and by doing what you've mentioned above. I've changed my ways of life several years ago and it had wiped out A LOT of problems and inconveniences that I've once faced. It was one of the EASIEST things that I've done and still doing... no one else need to be involved aside from our own selves.

I like to elaborate more on the fine things that you wrote... at another time. I'm about to start my 2nd shift of work and don't have the time right now. But I will summarize your points with my own personal experiences.

1. Accepting others is the same as accepting and being comfortable with ourselves. That's one form of self-love which will eliminate insecurities as well as other personal issues. We can't truly love and or accept others if we don't first have self-love. If we analyze that mindfully, we'll recognize that it functions as a cycle!

2. Self love can be translate as both self-contentment as well as with what one has. Appreciation is the key! I've continually receive more of what I already have just by appreciating them. Not much else that I "have to do". I can elaborate on this if you'd like to.

3. Forgiveness is the quickest and surest way to combat hatred, pains, regrets, sufferings etc. And if we ever get to the point when we realize "there is nothing to forgive", we're golden!

4. It's so easy for people to point fingers and blame others for their self-created miseries. It's a miserable form of irresponsibility and laziness. The solutions are way easier than being irresponsible, yet some people still choose to take the harder routes and, hence, nothing is changed. The vicious cycle of self-inflated miseries continue...

5. The ways we think and do bring us whatever we experience, whether that be negative or positive. The rights to choose is so powerful, yet some people willingly give them up by reacting to others and to the external environments.

6. Jealousy like others negativity is based on fear. In term of duality, Fear is the opposite and a lack of Love. When self-love is attained, jealousy diminishes.

I gladly accept your kind words. And you already know thanking me is the same as thanking yourself... a reflection, that's all it is.

[Henry123]

imo Its not a single thing.
Its the way one carry himself through life. Having the right attitude. Knowing what you want. Having vision.
Being sure of the decisions you make. Making calculated decions. Being able to learn from ones mistakes. Being able to grow. Being self sufficient and independent. Knowing things will be all right. I think alot of it also has to do with life's experience.

This post has been edited by Henry123: Aug 16 2011, 09:11 PM

[GentleWind]

imo Its not a single thing.
Its the way one carry himself through life. Having the right attitude. Knowing what you want. Having vision.
Being sure of the decisions you make. Making calculated decions. Being able to learn from ones mistakes. Being able to grow. Being self sufficient and independent. Knowing things will be all right. I think alot of it also has to do with life's experience.

Indeed it's complexed as being a human being.

[YourMuDoIsWeak]

Confidence is earned at the range and on the mats

[GentleWind]

First of all, what you wrote above is what I've come to realized and now am operating from. I can't stress enough how much better it had made my life as well as for others around me. I felt people are conditioned to look outward of themselves to find solutions to problems while not recognizing that problems were first created from within, ie thoughts, actions and deeds etc. One person's reality is nothing but a reflection on one's inner-being. How then, can we find answers when we encounter major or minor issues? By going inward and take responsibilities for our thoughts, action and deeds and by doing what you've mentioned above. I've changed my ways of life several years ago and it had wiped out A LOT of problems and inconveniences that I've once faced. It was one of the EASIEST things that I've done and still doing... no one else need to be involved aside from our own selves.

I agree. We are responsible for our own situation. But we can change for better.

1. Accepting others is the same as accepting and being comfortable with ourselves. That's one form of self-love which will eliminate insecurities as well as other personal issues. We can't truly love and or accept others if we don't first have self-love. If we analyze that mindfully, we'll recognize that it functions as a cycle!

I agree 100%. This is a very deep teaching.

2.Self love can be translate as both self-contentment as well as with what one has. Appreciation is the key! I've continually receive more of what I already have just by appreciating them. Not much else that I "have to do". I can elaborate on this if you'd like to.

Please do elaborate.

3. Forgiveness is the quickest and surest way to combat hatred, pains, regrets, sufferings etc. And if we ever get to the point when we realize "there is nothing to forgive", we're golden!

Indeed. It's very possible to get to that point through cultivation. I am not even close to anywhere.

4. It's so easy for people to point fingers and blame others for their self-created miseries. It's a miserable form of irresponsibility and laziness. The solutions are way easier than being irresponsible, yet some people still choose to take the harder routes and, hence, nothing is changed. The vicious cycle of self-inflated miseries continue...

Looking for faults or blames in others seem be problem for most of us. Like you said, it's a habit that requires some time to cut if one can recognize it.

5. The ways we think and do bring us whatever we experience, whether that be negative or positive. The rights to choose is so powerful, yet some people willingly give them up by reacting to others and to the external environments.

Indeed. People should play active, otherwise they will have no control over their situations.

6. Jealousy like others negativity is based on fear. In term of duality, Fear is the opposite and a lack of Love. When self-love is attained, jealousy diminishes.

So when there is self love, we are full inside.

I gladly accept your kind words. And you already know thanking me is the same as thanking yourself... a reflection, that's all it is.

This is teaching principle of giving. It resembles compassion.

Thank you for sharing, SacredG.

[GentleWind]

Confidence is earned at the range and on the mats

So shooting well and wrestling well is confidence? Depends on what you are shooting and whom you are wrestling.

[SemperFidelis]

confidence is belief in your ability to handle and unexpected situations

[GentleWind]

confidence is belief in your ability to handle and unexpected situations

Would you say ability as in experience or skills?

[SemperFidelis]

they go hand in hand. skills are the tools to solve the problem, experience tells you when and how to apply those tools.

[SemperFidelis]

First of all, what you wrote above is what I've come to realized and now am operating from. I can't stress enough how much better it had made my life as well as for others around me. I felt people are conditioned to look outward of themselves to find solutions to problems while not recognizing that problems were first created from within, ie thoughts, actions and deeds etc. One person's reality is nothing but a reflection on one's inner-being. How then, can we find answers when we encounter major or minor issues? By going inward and take responsibilities for our thoughts, action and deeds and by doing what you've mentioned above. I've changed my ways of life several years ago and it had wiped out A LOT of problems and inconveniences that I've once faced. It was one of the EASIEST things that I've done and still doing... no one else need to be involved aside from our own selves.

I like to elaborate more on the fine things that you wrote... at another time. I'm about to start my 2nd shift of work and don't have the time right now. But I will summarize your points with my own personal experiences.

1. Accepting others is the same as accepting and being comfortable with ourselves. That's one form of self-love which will eliminate insecurities as well as other personal issues. We can't truly love and or accept others if we don't first have self-love. If we analyze that mindfully, we'll recognize that it functions as a cycle!

2. Self love can be translate as both self-contentment as well as with what one has. Appreciation is the key! I've continually receive more of what I already have just by appreciating them. Not much else that I "have to do". I can elaborate on this if you'd like to.

3. Forgiveness is the quickest and surest way to combat hatred, pains, regrets, sufferings etc. And if we ever get to the point when we realize "there is nothing to forgive", we're golden!

4. It's so easy for people to point fingers and blame others for their self-created miseries. It's a miserable form of irresponsibility and laziness. The solutions are way easier than being irresponsible, yet some people still choose to take the harder routes and, hence, nothing is changed. The vicious cycle of self-inflated miseries continue...

5. The ways we think and do bring us whatever we experience, whether that be negative or positive. The rights to choose is so powerful, yet some people willingly give them up by reacting to others and to the external environments.

6. Jealousy like others negativity is based on fear. In term of duality, Fear is the opposite and a lack of Love. When self-love is attained, jealousy diminishes.

I gladly accept your kind words. And you already know thanking me is the same as thanking yourself... a reflection, that's all it is.

Very similar mindset to myself.

I found a lot of my frustrations disappeared when I accepted and became more comfortable with myself. It also works wonders in stressful situations allowing me to keep a calm mind, think things through and solve the problem.

[GentleWind]

they go hand in hand. skills are the tools to solve the problem, experience tells you when and how to apply those tools.

Thank you for your input.