Indochat, post of any silly/weird/odd/funny stories..., share some weird, silly, or funny stories. Options

[han2]

This is just light hearted thread, which hopefully can help lighten the day...

keh, here's one:

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"



This post has been edited by han2: Mar 21 2007, 03:08 PM

[furansizuka]

I think I couldn't use the PM last week. That's weird...

[han2]

^ yeah, that's weird...

meanwhile, ever feel that you've had a very bad day, well, consider this:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed

[furansizuka]

^ that's scary..lol..

[han2]

^ yes, indeed, poor guy...

and then:

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME;

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front (go)
to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don't think so.

Click.

should've brought their own food next time, lolz...

[akashiro]

hilarious..very funny..!! poor stupid FBI...

[DEL]

A story about me :P :

When i was eight, i had a very big interest in nature. I liked birds, lizards and insects. So i read everything about them and i knew their names.
Anyhows, my family went to a Chinese restaurant where i liked the udang so much. As a kid i always went to the aquarium, to look at the fishes and the lobsters. Suddenly, a big beatle came from the kitchen to the aquarium. It went inside the aquarium and i was looking with my big eyes to it. Amazed by his size and knowing the name i shouted trough the whole restaurant: LOOK, MOM AND DAD, THERE IS A COCKROACH IN THE AGUARIUM!!................ I can still remember the faces of all the people in the restaurant. My parents lookedlike ''stfu and come here.'' A big bald man behind them looked like he had to puke and still had bami coming out of his mouth. The chinese waiter was staring at me, scared and angry. People who just came in to the restaurant laughed and left right away. I didn't realise what cockroaches in a restaurant meant, so i went back to the table and ate my dinner. I was also shocked from the weird faces i received. Even worse, three weeks later, the restaurant was closed.

all true:P

[han2]

@akashiro: Yeah, those poor sods must be starvin, hahaha...

@DEL: That's a good one....has heard many variations of those too...

meanwhile:

A French farmer has an unfortunate accident after watching a horror movie late at night. It seems that shortly after retiring, Michel Maumond, 40, reported seeing "a ghost in white at the foot of my bed." The frightened Maumond grabbed his gun and subsequently shot-off the toes of one of his feet.

Maumond has since determined that from now on he will stick to reading safe books at night.

[e_vaholic]

^hahaha ... what a stupid person..where dya get all these stories han?? fact or fiction??

[han2]

yeah, been collecting these weird stories, and i'm sure you can find them online too...

anyway:

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.
By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention .... "

gotta spend money to make money, eh...

[haqine]

^lol

DEL, i don't understand either what cockroaches in a restaurant meant
But i'm sure it was really had power could made the restaurant closed lol ^^

[han2]

and then:

A young businessman rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal. He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor "Can I help you?"

The man said, "I've come to install the phone."

[Aranadhel]

yeah I got one. It seems there is dude who is a mod who has dis knack to give ppl warning for going offtopic. It seems so cool on so many levels you know?

dat it is an offence to go offtopic. gee, wonder how he applies dat to real life. must really suck.

[han2]

THE DIAGNOSIS

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

[lostnexposed]

^^^^ omg..hilarious...

@ DEL...omg..those poor people...but there probably were cockroaches in the restaurant if it shut down weeks later...

[tengkuafif]

NOT RELEVANT TO INDONESIA. THREAD CLOSED.

[han2]

@lostnexposed: he's got it comin...

Appreciate what you have

One day . . . a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country, so he could have his son see how poor country people live.

They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were back home, the father asked his son, "What did you think of the trip?"

The son replied, "Very nice dad."

Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor they were?"

The son replied, "Yes."

The father continued asking, "What did you learn?"

The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our house, and they have four.

Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a stream that has no end.

And we have imported lamps in our garden . . . where they have the stars!

And our garden goes to the edge of our property. But they have the entire horizon as their back yard!"

At the end of the son's reply the father was speechless.

His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really are."

Isn't it true that all depends on the lens you use to see life?

One can ask himself what would happen if we give thanks for what we have instead of always asking for more.

Learn to appreciate what you have. Wealth is all in one's point of view.

ahhh...the pure, unbiased view of the child....

[tengkuafif]

SWEET SEVENTEEN

Ada seorang anak bertanya pada ibunya. "Bu, pas sweet seventeen
nanti boleh bikin pesta di rumah gak?" yah, kapan lagi anakku
bisa pesta sweet seventeen, pikir ibunya"Boleh...boleh..biar
nanti ibu siapkan"

Anak itu kembali bertanya,"Bu, ..pas sweet seventeen nanti
boleh ngundang temen2 gak?"..yahh, kapan lagi dia bisa kumpul
dgn teman2nya,pikir ibunya "Boleh, boleh..nanti ibu urus
undangannya"

Anak itu bertanya lagi,"Bu..,bu..boleh pake baju baru gak?..",
yah, hanya sekali ini dia bisa sweet seventeen, pikir ibunya,
"Boleh...boleh,nanti ibu belikan"

Pada hari ulang tahun ke 17 itu, pesta sudah dirayakan dirumahnya,
teman2nya sudah datang, anak itu memakai baju barunya dan kembali
bertanya sama ibunya. "Bu..bu, boleh pakai lipstick gak?"
"Gak boleh!" kata ibunya. "Ah..ibu, ini kan cuman terjadi sekali
dalam hidup, masa pakai lipstick aja gak boleh.." rengek anaknya
"Enggak.! Pokoknya kamu boleh bikin pesta, kamu boleh ngundang
temen2 kamu, kamu boleh pakai baju baru, tapi kamu gak boleh
pakai lipstick, Bambang!!"

[han2]

^

ADVANTAGES OF BREAST MILK

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.

[purnomor]

THE DIAGNOSIS

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."