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cloverleaves
post Mar 16 2011, 04:52 AM
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This post has been edited by cloverleaves: May 28 2011, 09:14 AM
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Buddhalove
post Mar 19 2011, 12:21 AM
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QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 16 2011, 04:52 AM) *
We used to get along great and I liked her, and she liked me. But then some time ago, it happened that I couldn't do what she says because of circumstances beyond my control, and now she keeps punishing me for it. It has been over a year. Sometimes I please her and it gets better for a week, and then she's at it again, and I'm back to square one.

My question is, if I keep ignoring her, will she eventually get tired of punishing me and stop? How long will this take?

I have this problem, every time she hurts me, I don't respect her more, I just respect her less and less, where I'm starting to talk down to her and disrespectfully, and then the punishments have gotten harsher and harsher. Can I ignore her? What is the best thing to do? I can't make up anymore, I'm too tired, because she will be happy for only a week, and will start the punishments again.

Help I might have to see her soon.


This's more like a child abuse case. Report your ordeal to the police.
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cloverleaves
post Mar 20 2011, 06:34 AM
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2vnspirit
post Mar 23 2011, 03:50 PM
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QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 20 2011, 07:34 AM) *
Can I slap her back? What would happen?


oh dear,

I was under the impression these posts was on track .... ie. "how to be a good kid" until now !

you havent stated yr age bracket + how close yr relationship with her ?
Ask yrself few questions:
-what would a 'grown up' do in situation like this?
-how can i be/show myself to her that i'm a responsible one?

surely, by being reactionary and slapping adults who's been responsible for your state all those yester years wasnt gonna achieve much, but show that one is even more out of control, or tainted the relationship all together.

just be yourself, show her that yr always want her affection without being over-whelmed, that you can be a man of the house most of the time, but can also be naughty and deserved a slap from her from times , so you'll appreciate that close-net tradition of us Viets and East Asian tradition, honestly what can such elderly state of her can do physically pain to a growing man like you, those who quickly ask for 'physical abuse' calls are over the top if not outright nonsense ie. need to understand whatever you do, there Viet's tradition living in your relatives and your blood as long as you live ie. the saying "A good father gives his sons much punishments" ie. 'Yeu cho roi cho vot.' - that's how it is boys


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cloverleaves
post Mar 23 2011, 11:07 PM
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gardenslave
post Mar 24 2011, 09:10 AM
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QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 23 2011, 11:07 PM) *
Sorry I don't agree. Is it really a saying? Punishing a person a lot is a sure way of making that person hate you, even though they'll be scared to death they won't admit it to your face. A good parent teaches with love, forgiveness, and guidance. Physical punishment, verbal abuse, are indications that a person is unfit for responsible parenting.

I think things are good now. I think slapping me made her happy enough to leave me alone. I did suffer a lot along the way, but I think she can't get on my case anymore. I just did not know Vietnamese culture before I met her, now I'll just have to be extra careful around her, and avoid her the rest of the time. So in the end, all those punishments did not make me love her more, it is making me do everything I can to stay away from her.


You never ever hit your elders back, that is social taboo in Viet society. You are reduced to something less than human with no upbringing if you do. I would kneel down and let my parents chop my head off (like in a rice harvest ritual human sacrifice or something) if that's what they demand in punishment. The point is being obedient is the very essence of child rearing in Viet society. You are raised to worship your ancestors, what they achieved and how they built Viet society, conform to the rules of society. They abhor something different and outrageous.

I feel that your situation here is a culture and generational clash with you being a young person with differences in values and tastes. It is more than just one incidence that you are describing. Vietnamese parents will always place unreal pressures on their children to achieve and maybe you are not realizing their expectations, which brings out the frustration and punishment. I sense that you are a very shy person maybe lacking in personal confidence. If you show some confidence that your are what you are and that your are comfortable with your own decisions then maybe she wouldn't look down on you; just like a bully will not pick on someone who is stronger than him/her. Stand up take the slap and don't let it affect you. A friend of mine came home late one day and found that her father was waiting at the door with a stick to punish her. She said to him ,'father, if you are going to punish me punish me already because I'm sleepy and want to go to bed.' After that her father was dumbfounded didn't know what to do and left her alone.

I would not follow any other peoples' advice to you on how to resolve your situation because for one you are grown up knowing what's right and wrong; second, you need a confidence boost in making your own decisions; third, you need to man up to your actions. My personal philosophy on this matter is it is better to find comfort with your friends than to follow their advice because no one knows this situation better than you and it is better for you to resolve it.



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cloverleaves
post Mar 24 2011, 04:05 PM
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This post has been edited by cloverleaves: May 28 2011, 09:15 AM
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Posts in this topic
- cloverleaves   .   Mar 16 2011, 04:52 AM
- - BingBingLiao   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 16 2011, 05:52 ...   Mar 16 2011, 02:24 PM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 16 2011, 06:32 PM
- - XigonCongchua   I don't know what advise to give but OMG Bingb...   Mar 16 2011, 11:21 PM
|- - BingBingLiao   QUOTE (XigonCongchua @ Mar 17 2011, 12:21...   Mar 16 2011, 11:43 PM
- - XigonCongchua   Whatever. Don't listen to his silly advise and...   Mar 17 2011, 12:15 AM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 17 2011, 07:38 PM
- - XigonCongchua   It's really bad but there's nothing much y...   Mar 19 2011, 12:17 AM
- - Buddhalove   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 16 2011, 04:52 ...   Mar 19 2011, 12:21 AM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 20 2011, 06:34 AM
|- - 2vnspirit   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 20 2011, 07:34 ...   Mar 23 2011, 03:50 PM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 23 2011, 11:07 PM
|- - gardenslave   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 23 2011, 11:07 ...   Mar 24 2011, 09:10 AM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 24 2011, 04:05 PM
|- - 2vnspirit   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 24 2011, 04:05 ...   Mar 25 2011, 02:00 AM
|- - gardenslave   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 24 2011, 04:05 ...   Mar 25 2011, 08:59 AM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 28 2011, 08:11 PM
|- - DMLH   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 28 2011, 09:11 ...   Mar 29 2011, 03:29 AM
||- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 29 2011, 05:43 AM
||- - gardenslave   QUOTE (DMLH @ Mar 29 2011, 03:29 AM) The ...   Mar 30 2011, 12:18 PM
||- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 30 2011, 08:22 PM
|- - gardenslave   QUOTE (cloverleaves @ Mar 28 2011, 08:11 ...   Mar 30 2011, 11:32 AM
|- - cloverleaves   .   Mar 30 2011, 08:03 PM
- - tangawizi   just greet her and then observe her in silence ......   Mar 24 2011, 01:05 AM
- - k82562131   Tough love, my friend. Old school Asian adults kn...   Mar 30 2011, 10:30 PM
- - cloverleaves   .   Apr 5 2011, 10:56 PM
- - pdrive   She will be more angry. At the very least she will...   Apr 6 2011, 05:43 PM
- - cloverleaves   .   Apr 13 2011, 11:42 PM


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