Failure of Asian fathers Options

[fivers]

well what can I say other than I'd have loved to know my Asian dad.. however as a Korean adoptee it's an utopy

[SemperFidelis]

an admirable being does not always need to be present in order to be admired. when your father pushes himself to the point of breaking and hitting his own family, u also need to think about the kind of position he must have been in at the time. 1st gen asians are generally poor and come with nothing. working 18 hour days in order to do what? do you think he worked himself into that kind of stress level for his health? he was doing it for his family.

so really hitting his family was for their own good? is it really worth working yourself to that point that you hit your family and then lose them and end up with nothing?

[SemperFidelis]

the level of determination asian parents show in their work which is used to FEED the children and house them is beyond admirable, dont be jealous of the white boy's father who was given great chances and opportunities from the start and who's metal was never tested as many asian fathers are tested.

feeding children and the house is not the only part of raising a family. concentrating on 1 area and neglecting others doesnt help

[SemperFidelis]

it is also traditional for a father to be distant from the family (at least in the korean culture). basically a respectable good man to be looked at from afar showing only dignity in times where he can be seen by his family as to set a good example, which is an extreamly hard thing to do, to purposfully distance yourself from the family you love in order to show your child a man without flaws by hiding them away, giving you somthing to look up to a role to match in it's seemly perfect state.

would you be one of these distant fathers hiding his flaws? i dont see any positive side to doing things that way.

[SemperFidelis]

culture has changed since these olden times, but many 1st gens probably who grew up traditionally would have had this embedded into their ideal of being a father since they were young. the added stress breaks this down into being distant untill times of break down, causing the family not to see the pain of the father or weakness, but anger and anger alone. its never good to have domestic abuse, but people must also understand where this comes from.

do you think a father closer to their family would have a better time dealing with the stress than one who has already distanced himself?

apologies for multiple posts, seems my browser couldnt handle all that text in 1 post

[skylin]

everyone is different. I grew up with a practical dad, typical engineer, valued education over everything else and yelled at me when I didn't understand my math homework. We didn't start having a buddy/random talking kind of relationship until I hit my 20's. And even now, you can tell he's most happiest when I or my siblings accomplish something worthwhile.

Just because a father doesn't shower you with praise or shows emotions often doesn't mean he was a failure. He has to be the stable person when others around were worried, you know?

I have seen relationships with a close father child relationship, but I think I learned a couple of lessons (from the fact my dad was the way he is), that they would not get. I can learn sympathy and love different ways from my father and mother, except my father is just less obvious.

[fireplant]

well what can I say other than I'd have loved to know my Asian dad.. however as a Korean adoptee it's an utopy

fivers, I often want to hug you

[fivers]

oooohhhhhhhh! fireplant.. you are one sweety.. let's hug!

[fireplant]

ok

*hugs fivers*

[fivers]

*holds fireplant tight* hihihi

[fireplant]

*holds fireplant tight* hihihi

yess yesss let go pleeease!! let's drink some milk together

[fivers]

looooool!