"The Joys of the Aftermath", FF7,8,9 get drunk (comedy) Options

[Tiduspoorpants]

AN INCREDIBLY OLD COMEDY BY ME!!

PLEASE READ AND RESPOND!

I HOPE U GIGGLE!! 2


“The Joys of the Aftermath”


Cloud, Squall, and Zidane were all sitting at the bar at the local tavern, a beer clutched tightly in
each of their hands. They had all come to realize that avoiding their spouses was not as easy
as they thought it would be, and sometimes desperate measures had to be taken just so the
three of them could meet up with each other.

"Yup," Cloud muttered, bringing his mug to his lips. His eyes were weary, his body slumped
over the bar, almost leaning on it for support.

"Yeah," Squall acknowledged, following suit.

Zidane was the last to take a drink, "I hear ya."

The three sat, staring at their mugs, glum expressions on their faces. They had come here to
get away from the hustle and bustle of their everyday lives. The conversation so far had not been
a very heated one. Come to think of it, the three lines just muttered were the only means of
conversation as of yet.

"Well guys," Cloud started again. "I had it all. Not one, but two beautiful women at my disposal.
I was on top of the world. I was becoming famous, making plenty of money, saving the planet,
and had TWO women. But then what happened?" Cloud asked, lifting his glass into the air and
peering at it absent-mindedly. "That jackass Sephiroth had to go and kill one of 'em'".

"That does suck," Squall replied over the edge of his mug. "Two women…" he trailed off.

"He killed the good one too, the one that had some freaky powers and stuff. Now all I have left is
a happy-go-lucky street fighter with a fishing hook hairdo." Cloud was disappointed with his
outcome.

"Oh, cry about it why don't you," Zidane said sarcastically. "At least she's old enough to own a
bar. I have some underage queen who is emotionally unstable."

"Whooooooaaaaaaaa," Cloud replied. "What I would give for an underage queen," he took
another swallow of the liquid in front of him, smiling slightly. It sure was fun to be drunk, nobody
became offended by your comments.

"Neither of you guys have it bad," Squall started, interrupting both of them. "I have a sorceress
on my hands here. I'm scared to death that she'll get possessed in the middle of the night and
kill me in my sleep."

"Big whoop!" Cloud said loudly. The six beers each of them had were starting to get to him.
"Squall, all you ever do is b!tch, b!tch, b!tch."

Squall looked over at Cloud with a scowl on his face while Zidane chuckled behind them. Squall
didn't take it personally; he knew Cloud was always the first one of them to get drunk.

"If you want to hear about danger, you should see what I had to do when I took on Sephiroth and
saved the whole planet," Cloud had calmed down and took another sip of beer. The damn cups
they gave them never seemed to be big enough.

"Ooooooooooo," Squall taunted. "A single planet? Is that the best you have? C'mon, danger
starts when you have to travel through time to face some sorceress you have never heard of
before to prevent some time compression thing. And, the whole stupid plan is based on the
challenged mind of a midget scientist who hops up and down annoyingly."

"That's nothing," Zidane challenged. "When you have to warp out of your own world a couple of
times, fight a lot of battles with partners who are mechanically challenged, and prevent a person
from destroying the crystal which supplies life to everything that ever lived and ever will live…" he
trailed off. "That, my dear friends, is when the danger starts."

"Phhh…" Cloud puffed. "Quite a feat for a guy with a tale…" he suddenly perked up at his pun,
still sober enough to realize the humor he had inadvertently created. "Ha! For a guy with a tale!
Get it!? Tale…tail? Oh man, I kill myself."

Squall and Zidane both looked at him, their looks explaining everything. The two had to wait
while Cloud laughed loudly, his drunken state only adding to the whole scene. Finally, fed up
with it, Squall reached over and slapped him across the face to get his attention.

Cloud stopped laughing, rubbing his face slightly. "You guys are just jealous you couldn't come
up with something like that."

"Yeah, that must be it," Zidane smirked.

"Yeah, well, you guys had plenty of comrades to take along for the ride," Squall told both Cloud
and Zidane. "I only had five, and only about three of them can fight. What the hell is a nunchaku
anyway?"

"You don't have the annoying people I do though," Cloud returned. "I've got a snappy mouthed
ninja, an eight-foot one-armed goliath, some damn cat with a megaphone, and a close combat
wife," Cloud took another sip of beer. "Although," he continued, "I will concede I do have a
funny, sharp-tongued pilot and one mean looking panther beast."

Squall looked at him before answering. "Uh huh. I have a sappy, way too cheerful, and annoying
girl with a haircut that looks like it is out of Alice In Wonderland, a cowboy who still gets stage
fright, and a sorceress who still gets possessed every once and awhile." Squall paused for a
moment. "Like you though, I'll concede that I have a chick who wields a mean whip and
loud-mouthed fighter who can pack a mean punch when he wants to."

"Yeah right, beat this," Zidane took a swallow of liquid while preparing for his answer. He knew
he would have them groveling before he was done talking. "I've got a two foot tall doll who keeps
fixing his hat, a night who's armor has been rusted since the day he put it on, some big guy with
dreadlocks that would make a Jamaican proud, a woman with a spear who's race I've yet to
determine, a fat marshmallow with a tongue always hanging out of it, and finally a little
pipsqueak girl with a loud mouth and a crush on me. I might as well mention that none of them
can fight worth a damn too."

Squall and Cloud both let out a small sigh admitting defeat. They had the unfortunate
experience of having to meet Zidane's friends before, them tagging along behind Zidane as he
tried to shake loose of them as he came to the bar. That night had ended with Squall and Cloud
leaving the bar as Zidane tried to drag the drunken marshmallow away from the tap.

"What I really wish though," Zidane began again. "I really wish I had that chick who defended
the queen, she was pretty hot and could do a hell of a lot of damage with that sword she was
always carrying around."

Cloud was about to respond when he looked down at his glass. "Awww shoot," his sighed. "I'm
empty."

Squall looked down at his mug and noticed the same thing.

"Same here," replied Zidane.

"Hey, bartender!" Cloud waved a hand. The man behind the bar noticed him, and walked over.
"Could we get another round please?" Cloud asked, wobbling slightly in his chair.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" the bartender asked.

"Enough!?" All three men responded.

"I'll tell you when we've had enough," Cloud told the man, his intoxicated breath blowing in the
man's face. "Listen buddy, I…" Cloud forgot what he was going to say.

"Alright, fine, here you go," the man turned and gave each of them another glass of beer. He
was used to dealing with the drunken weirdoes that entered the bar sometimes.

"That's right," Cloud said triumphantly. He didn't even remember why he said it.

"So anyway, where were we?" Squall asked, after each of them had another drink in their hand.

"I dunno, I think we were talking about group members, but I thought we were finished," Zidane
told him.

"Oh yeah," Squall's head staggered slightly, anything past the last second a bit of a blur.

"Well," sighed Cloud. "Even if everything else gets torn to hell, I still have ol' betsy here," he
reached down and ran a hand along the side of his Ultima Weapon. "It was a b!tch trying to get
this, but it was worth it."

"You think you had it bad?" Squall asked. He leaned around and swung his Lionheart up onto
the bar in front of them. "From what I hear, all you had to do was kill a dragon. I had to run all
over creation just trying to find the right damn parts for this thing." Squall traced the lion's head
on the end of his weapon with his finger.

Zidane grinned before picking his Ultima Weapon from up off the floor as well. "I have you guys
beat again," he said, woozy. "I had to make it so a chocobo could walk on water, find some rare
peppers to feed him, and then make it so he could dive under the water. And, finding the right
damn spot to dig was nearly impossible! Took me forever to hit it just right, but here is the
result."

"Ok, ok, but!" Cloud cried. "I could still take you with my Omnislash move!"

"Ha!" Squall returned. "My Lionheart move is unstoppable, I give the enemy a ride they'll never
forget."

"Care to make a wager on that?" Cloud asked him.

"Anytime," Squall replied.

"How many hits do you pull off? I have around 14," Cloud mentioned.

"16 baby. And at least four before that, so there," Squall answered.

Zidane lowered his head in defeat, some of his loose hair splashing into his glass of beer.
"Alright!" he yelled. "I admit it! I have no cool special move! The best I can give is a measly
9999!"

Cloud and Squall both snickered behind their hands, splashing beer out of their mugs.

Zidane saw them both laugh, then put up a defense of his own, his hair soaked with beer. "I'm
still the cutest one here though. This tail," he said, indicating with his hand, "is a total babe
magnet."

Cloud looked at Zidane's tail. "Yeah right," he answered. He felt his hair. "This hair attracts the
ladies like no other. And, wearing their clothing really turns some of them on as well. I'm
referring back to those two chicks I was talking about for that one."

Zidane and Cloud both looked at Squall. "Hey, what do you have that attracts 'em?" Zidane
asked him.

Squall looked himself over. "This jacket drags them in like a tractor beam," he replied.

"That thing?" Cloud said with surprise. "Isn't it about fifty sizes too small?"

Zidane laughed on the other side of Squall.

"No way, this is just the way they like it," Squall answered. "Besides, its leather…chicks dig
leather. Plus, from what I can guess, this necklace only adds to the bargain." Squall looped a
hand under his Griever necklace. "And don't they just love a man of power…I have my own
military training facility."

"Uh huh," Cloud turned back to his beer, which was again empty. "Oh man," he muttered. He
looked back over at his two friends, "hey, what time is it?"

Squall had to think about it. "Uh, it was midnight about four hours ago, so do the math." Squall
quickly tried to do the math in his head, and kept getting a number he had never heard of before.
What the hell was thrix?

"Man, am I going to get it when I go home," Cloud sighed.

"Awwww, just take it like a man," Squall told him, slapping him on the back.

The blow had enough force to push Cloud over the edge, and he passed out, falling forward, his
head landing on the table with a thud. The combination of lack of sleep, the hit, and way to
much alcohol put him into the state.

Zidane peered down at him, himself started to wobble quite a bit now. "Now you've done it," he
said, looking back to Squall.

Squall shrugged his shoulders, "He'll be fine." Squall was feeling the effects of the alcohol inside
him as well. "Well," he said, "I'd best be getting home, it's late after all."

"Oh shuttup, you said that two hours ago," replied Zidane.

Squall laughed slightly. "You're right."

"It'll be morning soon. How we going to explain this to our ladies?" Zidane asked.

"I'll think of something, just tell them you were off saving the world or something," Squall
answered.

"They won't buy that. Then they would start complaining about how we didn't take them along,"
Zidane turned down the idea.

"Then lets tell them we all had an out-of-body-experience," Squall suggested. "I've had those
plenty of times."

"They won't buy that either, but what the hell, I'll do it," Zidane looked back again at Cloud,
who's face was passed out in his own drool. "So what do you think?" he asked Squall. "Think
we should be going?"

Squall looked at Cloud as well. "Nah," he said at last. "Let's wait until Cloud wakes up. I'd hate
to leave the poor guy hanging."

Beside them, Cloud made a gurgling sound and rolled from his stool, landing upon the floor,
unmoving.

Zidane watched the event, then finished off his beer, ordering another round in the process. "You
know," he began, as a beer was placed in front of him, "that could take awhile."

Squall chuckled as another mug was set in front of him as well. Before taking another dose of
beer, he paused for a moment, "my sentiments exactly."

[GeminiPinay]

lol. Interesting. Everytime i read your stories, i feel like playing one of my FF games. *sigh*

[Tiduspoorpants]

Thats the whole point my dear! I have alot of FF stories mainly the bigger ones are from VIII cause VII makes me go on a writing spree of characters and areas ^^" if you ask I will post some more, just be specific on genre or rating plz cause just saying give me FF8 or FF7 is well very..........general when it comes to me. I hope you liked my stories so far <3

[GeminiPinay]

So if i say, add something with rikku, yuffie, and selphie, could you do that? hahah. I LOVE those 3. They are so happy and crazy.

[Tiduspoorpants]

done and done my dear, ask and u shall receive!

[kavir]

haha very creative stuff
looking forward to more

[Tiduspoorpants]

which would you prefer comedies or "other" types posted I am sorta stumped what ppl want to read.