Violence Against Women in Cambodia, What to do and how should it be approached/stopped???? Options

[Nouveau]

What to do and how should it be approached/stopped? ???

Written by Keo Mony
Reviewed by Jeniffer Huong, Seattle, WA
September 2004

Violence against women is forbidden by law in Cambodia but is nevertheless widespread and socially acceptable. These are the findings of a fundamental study on domestic violence conducted by the Cambodian Ministry of Women’s Affairs with GTZ support and published on 3 May 2006.

According to the study, more than 30 percent of the Cambodian population are of the opinion that physical violence is appropriate if a woman questions her husband’s privileges, quarrels with him or fails to show him sufficient respect. A third of the people interviewed went as far as to consider shot wounds, acid attacks, and even murder to be legitimate in these circumstances.

The main focus of the survey was on the attitudes of Cambodians to violence within the family. 64 percent of the Cambodian population know of a violent husband among their personal acquaintances. Almost one quarter of the women report that they themselves have experienced violent attacks from their husbands. The number of women who beat their husbands provides further evidence that violence within the family is on the rise generally. The figure rose from 3 percent in 1996 to 12 percent in 2005. The survey also found that violence occurs much more frequently in poor households and that the tolerance level for violence there is higher.

Dr. Ing Kantha Phavi, Cambodia’s Minister for Women’s Affairs, welcomes the study. “We can only counteract violence against women and children effectively if we know why people behave violently. The knowledge gained here about attitudes will therefore be of great assistance to us and is also relevant to the implementation of the Act to Protect against Violence adopted in Cambodia in 2005 with GTZ support,” she says.

The GTZ project Promotion of Women’s Rights has been working with the Cambodian Ministry for Women’s Affairs in the area of violence against women since 2002. The result of their joint efforts is that Cambodia is the first country in the world with a Millennium Development Goal (MDG) concerning the reduction of violence against women. The research, which was also supported by USAID and UNIFEM/CIDA, provides initial monitoring data for the local MDGs.

Domestic Violence
Increasing domestic violence is another sign of the decline in married life in Cambodia. According to a survey conducted by a Cambodian non-governmental organization ?Project Against Domestic Violence - PADV' in cooperation with the Ministry of Women's Affairs, 73.9 percent of interviewees stated that they knew of at least one family experiencing domestic violence.

Domestic violence in the form of physical abuse of wife and children by the husband and father is very common. There is also much emotional abuse. Positive reinforcement of children's behavior is not culturally appropriate. Parents believe that giving compliments and affirmations to their children will go to their head. This is true among Khmer families in the U.S. as well as in Cambodia.

In Cambodia, the abusers are very violent. Fifty percent of women who reported abuse stated that they received injuries; more than half of those injuries were to the head. Women reported beatings, whippings, stabbing, and even ax attacks. Most often the violence is perpetrated in public.

Typically the police or the community gives little help to the victims. Police intervene only in the case of the severe injuries or death, as there is no law specifically against domestic violence. In fact, the law to combat domestic violence has just been proposed and is scheduled for debate in the National Assembly at the end of 2002. The attitude of society compounds this problem. Cambodians consider domestic violence as a private and family matter. Women most often are blamed for instigating the violence by not properly behaving or providing sex to their husbands.

As a Cambodian woman lamented, “If there are thirty days in a month, it seems as if my husband hits me sixty. My neighbors know he hits me at night. They always think it is a dispute over intercourse. The neighbors often advise me, ‘If your husband wants to have sex, you must give it to him. If you don't, he will hit you.’” Cambodia: Rattling the Killing Fields

Spousal rape is an alien concept to most Cambodians, both men and women. According to PADV, thirty-two out of the thirty-seven women interviewed stated that a husband should be able to have sex whenever he wants.

Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriage has been the tradition in Cambodia for centuries and remains the norm practiced for Cambodians both at home and overseas. Marriage is a very important institution for Cambodians. The courtship practices and the marriage ceremony are very different from those practiced in the Western culture.

Traditionally, marriage was always arranged without the knowledge or consent of the individuals to be married. Forced marriage was common. Many families arranged marriages while the betrothed individuals were still very young; friends made promises to each other that their children would marry. If a man were interested in marrying a girl he saw but to whom he had not spoken, his parents would arrange an engagement ceremony with the girl's parents. The girl would have nothing to say about it.

Marriage is still arranged but individuals often are consulted about the choice of their spouse, and rejecting the parents' arrangement is tolerated. Even a young woman has an opportunity to reject her parents' wishes, although not many daughters are yet willing to exercise this option.

Arranged marriage has survived because of religion and tradition. Most Cambodians are Buddhist. In Buddhism, it is an obligation of parents to find spouses for their children and to marry them into good families. Traditional Cambodian culture also pressures parents to choose and arrange marriages for the child so that their family's pride and honor are retained.

Children also have obligations toward their parents to do their utmost to maintain their parents' honor. Cambodians believe in returning gratitude to their parents. Marrying into a good family is considered to be a way of returning gratitude, especially for a girl or young woman.

In the old days, the marriage was an arduous and lengthy affair. It could take months to prepare for the marriage. Courtship involved many rituals to be followed and wedding ceremonies lasted three days. Today, because of the demands of modern living and the influence of other cultures, marriage is much simpler and less time consuming. Courtship and wedding ceremonies can be conducted in one day.

Gender Roles

The traditional role of Khmer women goes back at least to the Angkor era (802 - 1431 A.D.), when the "apsara" or “goddess” was accepted as the embodiment of a virtuous, ideal woman and described in proverbs, folktales and novels as the example of how women should behave.

Cambodia is a male-dominated society and females are expected to conform to traditions. Cambodians often compare girls to a piece of cotton wool, whereas they compare a boy to a diamond. Cotton wool, when dropped into mud, never regains its purity regardless of how much it is washed. On the contrary, a diamond dropped into mud, can be picked up, washed and become as clean and sparkling as before it got dirty.

A girl is expected to obey her parents and elders, to be gentle and softly spoken. Traditional Cambodian culture expects a girl to behave according to social norms and to avoid any transgression that could be branded as ‘dirty’. Many times when a Khmer girl goes against a social norm, she is called "slut and prostitute" (“srey couch”) not just “dirty". She is expected not to date or mingle freely with men or to have premarital sex. A girl who engages in premarital sex is considered beyond redemption. A girl is taught that virtuous behavior includes not crying or screaming during labor, and not complaining when abused by spouse, parents, or elders. The tradition of holding girls to strict, sometimes harsh standards creates many problems with Khmer-American youth and their parents today.

While there are serious consequences for a Cambodian girl for social transgressions, her behavior also affects her family. In terms of marriage, she becomes undesirable by a ‘good’ family because no one wants a ‘dirty’ girl as an in-law. Her parents’ pride and honor would also be shattered. Their shame would make them social rejects. It is believed that a grateful daughter would never put her parents in such jeopardy. With such pressure, a girl has no choice but to have her future arranged by her parents and to accept their wishes about marriage.

On the other hand, traditionally a man experiences less social and family pressure to conform. In the case of marriage, he has more freedom in seeking and choosing a spouse. A man is compared to a diamond; any transgressions can be corrected. Premarital and extramarital sex is considered acceptable although the modern constitution forbids polygamy. The growth of the sex industry in Cambodia may have long term consequences because of the spread of AIDS throughout the country. Having partners and children outside of marriage may be causing social and economic disruption.

Dowry

Today most Cambodian men choose their own wives, although they still seek the advice and approval of their parents for two reasons. First, he wants to preserve their honor by not marrying a ‘dirty’ girl. A good son wouldn't go against his parents’ wishes. Second, he needs their approval because usually they are responsible for a dowry and wedding ceremony expenses. In Cambodia, most children live with their parents until married.

In Cambodia a man pays dowry to the parents of the girl he marries. He also pays for all expenses of the wedding ceremonies. Girls’ families may demand huge dowries as a demonstration that the man will be able to care for his wife. Usually parents would not marry their daughter without dowry as it would be considered a dishonor. The dowry usually has to be settled before the wedding ceremony. Some parents go heavily into debt while trying to pay for a dowry. On the other hand, some parents of girls do not demand a dowry if they are satisfied that a prospective son-in-law would be a good husband of their daughter.

Marriage is not just between a man and woman but between families. Large dowries are signs of prominence and a demonstration that the groom's family is financially capable of providing for the daughter. When a girl demands a huge dowry, she ensures financial security and can repay her parents for giving her life and raising her. Khmer children are considered to be the possessions of their parents. The parents can send their children (most often the girls) to be servants or to work in the commercial sex industry in order to support the family or to pay the parents back.

Cambodian girls usually marry between 18 and 25 years of age. If a woman older than that remains single her parents start to worry that no desirable man will ask their daughter to marry. Cambodian men rarely marry an older woman. However, it is not uncommon for a girl younger than 18 years old to be married to a much older man. Typically a groom is 12 years older than the bride.

The wedding ceremonies are traditionally held at the bride's home. After the wedding, the groom moves in with the bride's parents (This tradition would be opposite for Cambodians with Chinese ancestry who still practice Chinese culture). In Cambodia, women keep their names after they are married.

For more on Cambodian wedding traditions, see also Khmer Institute.
Loyalty, Divorce, Polygamy

In times past, although Cambodian marriages were arranged, married life was good and love gradually grew between the couple after they married. Spousal loyalty was strong; it is a religious duty for husband and wife to be loyal to each other. Divorce was low. Domestic violence was rare; usually the couple lived with parents and a large extended family that provided strong family support. A couple could turn to family in case of any marriage problems, and family would often keep an eye on the couple.

Today, the state of marriage, like pretty much everything else in Cambodia, has declined considerably. Thirty years of destructive wars and extreme violence took its toll on families and traditional behavior. These days, loyalty between husbands and wives is much looser. Economic hardship has compounded the problem as many men leave the villages to go where they might find work. Partners/families outside of the legal marriage and the desertion of wives and children have become common social illnesses in Cambodia. (Henry Kamm, Cambodia: Report from a Stricken Land 1998, Arcade Books)

The modern constitution forbids polygamy; some say it is commonly practiced more often when family economics permit. The effect of wars and the indiscriminate killing of men during the Khmer Rouge reign have created a population imbalance between men and women. Social, financial and emotional pressures force widows as well as single women and girls to accept partners, even married ones. Many children are born out of wedlock. Jealous rage and fighting among women for one man is frequent.

The fighting is vicious. Recently, there have been cases of women resorting to a violent tactic known as ‘acid attack’. A jealous wife splashes nitric acid on her husband's mistress. The intention of the attack is not to kill, but to disfigure, the victim. This happens at all levels of society.

The most notorious case of ‘acid attack’ occurred in 1999 when the wife and bodyguards of a senior government official poured five liters of acid on the face of the husband's 18-year-old mistress. The attack left the victim horribly disfigured. It destroyed much of the skin on her face and back and severely impaired her sight and hearing.

The attacks are so frequent and vicious that newspapers and radios appeal to woman to stop behaving with such violence against each other. The government, alarmed by the savagery, has banned the sale of acid and drawn up laws to combat this trend.

Spousal disloyalty can become deadly as men return to their wives after working away from home, infected with the HIV virus acquired through heterosexual extramarital affairs. Cambodia is a country with rapidly growing numbers of HIV/Aids cases. The tragedy includes children, many of whom are born with the virus.

Statistically, the divorce rate in Cambodia remains low. According to the Cambodia National Institute of Statistics, the divorce rate as of 1998 is 2.4%.

This low rate is in large part due to culture, which discourages divorce. Divorce is a shameful affair, especially for women. Social tradition and today's family laws encourage reconciliation rather than divorce, even when one partner is at serious physical or psychological risk. The rate is also low because the poor women have limited access to the legal system.

For Cambodians, marriage may sometimes be ceremonial rather than legal. For example, many Khmer in the U.S. may get married in huge ceremonies without legal arrangements in order to maintain their status in the welfare system. In instances where marriages are not recognized legally, there may be no need for divorce if the couple decides not to remain together.

In the U.S., most Cambodians still wish to marry within their community. Many men return to get married in Cambodia. Arranged marriage is also being practiced here in the U.S. Love marriages have also found their way into the community, especially with the younger generation. Today, it is acceptable for Cambodian men and women to date or marry non-Cambodians.

Practices that remain taboo in Cambodia are tolerated more in the U.S. While many youth are still raised with traditional cultural values and restrictions, it is true that some girls date and mingle with boys freely; they stay out late, have premarital sex and even live together as a couple without being married. Children are born out of wedlock. Some parents may even allow their children to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend to live with them as they resign themselves to the fact that their children are under the cultural influence of the society in which they live. Divorce is more tolerated in the U.S. Cambodian community than in Cambodia.

SOURCE:

http://ethnomed.org/cultures/cambodian/camb_marriage.html

WHAT TO DO??? to stop this ??

This post has been edited by Nouveau: Nov 13 2006, 06:57 PM

[Goombaking209]

so true about the girls are cotton and boys are diamond

what we can do to stop it is to give woman more freedom, but it goes to question whether our culture should bend it's rules to appease a certain group or should we keep things the way they are .. im not all for a male-dominant society, but i feel woman should have the right to say and think whatever they want and express it just like any other normal being.. they do posess a thinking mind and unique feelings toward things ... there needs to be a balance

now that i've read that article, i guess that law against cheating spouses isnt soo bad as it seems ...

[Mizz_Luv3r]

I think that more workshops should be opened to educate these Khmer women on how to watch out for the signs of an abusive mate. They also should have programs/shelters to encourage women to tell someone and seek help when needed. The whole community needs to be educated about this. 'Cause I know that most Asian people would rather turn the other cheek than interfere with another couple's marriage.

[AJLee613]

iono if i had a good woman like that. who must have a very strong soul to stay up that way. i would treat her right as a reward for being a good woman i would also have to be a good man.

[Q(^.^Q) Loc85]

Khmer men can be abusive, so my friends have told me.

Is it actually that widespread? I know in the states they are not like that. Different surroundings and education I guess. A depressing issue if you ask me. ~sniffs~

[GenomVirues]

Boys will be boys

[orangepeel]

this is sad, this is the part i hate the most about our culture, this and corruption and greed. but what culture doesn't have this?

the best thing to do now is to teach our kids to be equally respectful of all human beings, and hopefully over time things can change. I'd whoop up on a fool that hit a woman for no reason.

however, if a woman were to attack me i reserve the right to defend myself, cause there are some crazy women out there just like there are crazy dudes who've been abused. i'm sure you all know what i'm talking about.
realistically though we need to break the cycle, please treat your children well.

This post has been edited by orangepeel: Jun 27 2007, 02:15 AM

[Viesnabotkampuji...]

"The fighting is vicious. Recently, there have been cases of women resorting to a violent tactic known as ‘acid attack’. A jealous wife splashes nitric acid on her husband's mistress. The intention of the attack is not to kill, but to disfigure, the victim. This happens at all levels of society.

The most notorious case of ‘acid attack’ occurred in 1999 when the wife and bodyguards of a senior government official poured five liters of acid on the face of the husband's 18-year-old mistress. The attack left the victim horribly disfigured. It destroyed much of the skin on her face and back and severely impaired her sight and hearing."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________


It hurt me so much everytime I read something like this. It hurt me even more everydays to know the assailants never paid for their crime. Tat Marina was not 18 at the time. The girl was just turned 16.

I never understood why people could raised their hand to hurt another people.I hope Khun Sopal,her sister and nephews would feel some regretions for what they had done. My sister paid for the price of her game as a dumb young girl with an old nasty,shorty bald headed bastard with a position as Hun Sen Liason at the time and lured her with luxuries.Kun Sopal and her family never paid for their crime . My mother told me not to take any revenge as we are buddhist. It's Marina Karma,its her fate.

a few video of her and pic,the girl look way better in person than these videos. Every pregnants women who lived close by always stared at her just to want to have their babies to look like her.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8fjmwT7RXJY
http://youtube.com/watch?v=n36s2V10Qgo

I cried as she was calling me for help.


This post has been edited by Viesnabotkampujia: Jun 27 2007, 08:44 PM

[Goombaking209]

^Oh my god, that's so sad. Where the hell do these woman get acid from anyway?

Khmer men can be abusive, so my friends have told me.

Is it actually that widespread? I know in the states they are not like that. Different surroundings and education I guess. A depressing issue if you ask me. ~sniffs~

Just like men from any other society

[khmoozi]

This is a very troubling and depressing issue. I was not aware how bad it was. However Khmer civilization was not built on male dominance or patriarchial values, but female dominated, matriarchial values. This came to an end when the empire of Angkor fell and foreign influences entered Khmer society. Khmer society gradually became more like its neighbors (like Thailand and Vietnam). This change was probably most apparent during the Vietnamese occupation of 1834 - 1841 when Khmer society was forced to adopt Vietnamese influences. Now our society is reduced to this. Greed and corruption. Attack on women, which is totally opposite of true Khmer values. Acid attacks? This is too much. I feel so sorry for that girl. No wonder why my mom gets so depressed when we talk about Cambodia's glorious past. Its past. And now we have this new society which is not Khmer. The true Khmers in my opinion are long dead. Such stories remind me of a famous Khmer hero, Oknha Son Kuy. He died protecting his nation and people. He was executed by Vietnamese forces and before his execution (where he is decapitated, year 1821) he gives a speech addressing the Khmer nation. I have that speech saved on my computer and I wish Khmers today can share in his spirit. If he were alive today, he would sadly see that the Khmer people and motherland have become something horrible.

[lemongrass]

This is a very troubling and depressing issue. I was not aware how bad it was. However Khmer civilization was not built on male dominance or patriarchial values, but female dominated, matriarchial values. This came to an end when the empire of Angkor fell and foreign influences entered Khmer society. Khmer society gradually became more like its neighbors (like Thailand and Vietnam). This change was probably most apparent during the Vietnamese occupation of 1834 - 1841 when Khmer society was forced to adopt Vietnamese influences. Now our society is reduced to this. Greed and corruption. Attack on women, which is totally opposite of true Khmer values. Acid attacks? This is too much. I feel so sorry for that girl. No wonder why my mom gets so depressed when we talk about Cambodia's glorious past. Its past. And now we have this new society which is not Khmer. The true Khmers in my opinion are long dead. Such stories remind me of a famous Khmer hero, Oknha Son Kuy. He died protecting his nation and people. He was executed by Vietnamese forces and before his execution (where he is decapitated, year 1821) he gives a speech addressing the Khmer nation. I have that speech saved on my computer and I wish Khmers today can share in his spirit. If he were alive today, he would sadly see that the Khmer people and motherland have become something horrible.

I can see your insight but do you really think that we are really gone? We are still around as Khmer people but it will take sometime to straighten out our cultural and identity issues. Never loose hope. Educations can change that over time. Have patience in your heart.

[Sovann]

well. i hope the education in srok khmer at least, reflected on the khmer society based on matriarchal values.

i dont see any education that teach about matriarchal in cambodia anyway.

[lemongrass]

well. i hope the education in srok khmer at least, reflected on the khmer society based on matriarchal values.

i dont see any education that teach about matriarchal in cambodia anyway.

When the Hindu/Buddhist concept arrived in Srok Khmair, we still maintained our culture because it is only foreiegn ideas took roots in our culture. Since then our culture was in a state of flux from approx 200-1800 until the French, Chinese, Tai and Youn arrived at our midst(population that arrived in mass). The last Khmer group of leadership that tried to be proactive was going about the wrong way, led by Mr. Salord Sar(Pol Pot).
To answer your question will make me a racist in many peoples' view. The people that are running Cambodia today are not necessarily Khmer. Yes, they will proclaim themselves to be Khmer but Culturally, Morally, Ethically and religiously are not. Their deccesions will not reflect Khmer culture as a whole.

[Sovann]

racist? i disagree....i think what you're trying to say is the real khmer identity....i have discuss with a native phnom penh person about it...it say khmer mother idea is loong gone....now cos of thai and chinese and yuon influence, khmer society change..no more real khmer.
now man is power in cambodia...and its true cos nowadays...people think women are weak.
and i asked it....why the high positions always have the "mae" next to it e.g. mae toap (military leader)...it say that's ancient khmer...but now not many positions use "mae" anymore..

but in the provinces...more real khmer are there...but not always cos there are other minorities in the provinces too...husband marry the wife..follow the wife to the house and pay dowry to enter wife's house...thats real khmer...cos man follow woman..and woman is the head of family...mae pteah.

but not anymore now...time has changed.

[jennay]

What the khmer women need is a woman activist. Women WILL NOT get the respect they deserve unless they truly fight for it and want it with a passion! Men will continue to be abusive unless the woman herself does something to do about it. If not a lot of women in Cambodia are willing to stand up and fight for that. Hold women conventions and spread the ideas of women abuse, then....... $hit they will still be abused by men. Take the Women's Rights in America for example.

This post has been edited by jennay: May 18 2010, 05:56 PM

[jennay]

But is it true that some Cambodian Women are just gold diggers? And some would do anything to come to America? Just wondering, please excuse my ignorance.