Deleted to hide my indentity

when it comes to hmong wedding the husband pays for everrrryyyyyyyyyyything dude................get ready to spend around 7-15 thousand..................if she's educated she'll be worth around 15 g.............the payment just goes to show how well the parents raised their daughter.........

Ur parents abide by the American custom but you forget one thing the hmong elders arent American they're hmong...........so that bends the rule..........

Personnally, I think bride price is outdated but Ok, if they bring this up, I think you should pay the money cauz it will be a proof of your knowledge of hmong customs and your willingness to comply with them to respect the way they see things.

As for your woman, I think she undertands she has to respect her parents' way of doing. She shall not try to oppose her convictions to her parents ones on this bride price matter cauz its not her business. They have lived accordingly with some beliefs and customs. This is part of what they are as hmong people and she is not going to use her wedding to give them a lesson. A smart girl will just shup ut and give face to you and to her parents.

I have to say, in all interracial weddings I have seen, the guy has always paid for the bride price to the hmong family.

Different people, different culture, different customs. Your parents are going to pay for your wedding too.


Regards

What you need to do is find hmong person who can tell you exactly what the procedure is. You and this person should then find a Mej Koob (pronounced May Kong). A Mej Koob is more or less a family negotiator. The Mej Koob you find will represent your family and your girlfriends' family/clan will have one of their own.

The hard part is finding a Mej Koob, once you do, the rest should fall into place. I assume you know other Hmong people besides your girlfriend.

deleted for safety reasons

Im curious, are you asian? what country did your parents immigrate from?

I definitely don't agree with this.

deleted for my safety

It's true, a smart girl will shut up and let you prove yourself a man.

A life without blessings from her own parents will be a sad one.

Looks like you don't know much about hmong costumes. If you want to marry her you have to comply with her family rules. There's no exceptions... No one can go against the wishes of the bride's family unless you want to forfeit your marriage.

No offense but no blessings from the parents will just mean they do not recognize your marriage. Of course, you can use the law but you two are still nothing but dogs in the eyes of every hmong. That's how hmong people view each other if they oppose such orders from those whom bored, fed, cloth, and support them. Honor, loyalty, trust, family, and all those goodie good ideals are practice and are expected of every individual.

I'm sure "Asians" have similar views no?

are you asian CRANBERRY? perhaps chinese, viet, lao, korean??? what.. just curious...ahahaa..

hmong culture, you pay the price the bride's parents want..for ex: 10 grand.. or else.. there is no wedding.. happens in some cases however, they always work it out.. so good luck..

he said he is asian, but wont say where his parents are from right now.

Just want to throw in a correction (as I understand it): Young marriages is not tradition. What I mean is that back in the day, if you were 13 and your signficant other was 14, people would laugh at such a young unprepared couple. Now, if the guy was older, but the girl still in her teens, that was acceptable because at least one person was mature.

Onto your marriage situation, your families just need to sit down to see where each stands because for us to really give good advice is hard without knowing details. Good luck!

ahhahaa.. okay! my bad.. i didn't catch that.. it doesn't matter what you are.. i guess.. ahaha..

anyways, cranberry.. "it's like this in the hmong culture, you want to marry her. pay the price." ahaha.

that's that... again, good luck..

I had to delete so my gf wounldn't see this

You mention that their is a cultural conflict, in your's the bride pays, while in ours the groom pays. Well you two should just do away with both, since you cannot honor one or the other. Or have both family agree, that you'll do traditional weddings, but neither side pays.

Hi there, I'm in a similar situation. My bf and I have been talking about marriage for a long time, but the only thing is that his parents are going out of country next year, and they already took their vacation this year to come and see him (first time seeing me), thus we have to wait because my dad wants to sit down and talk to his parents too. His parents live very far and it's expensive for them to visit so often. But in his culture there is no dowry or anything, and i'm worry about how we're going to explain this to his paretns. He wants to do it without them know, but i want the conset of both parties. But as of right now our plans are to follow through with the hmong and american wedding. That's the only way to please our parents...

Cranberry, are you Indian?

wassup with you deleting all these messages?

yeah like they say, Hmong marriage thing is kind of gay and nice at the same time. the dude pays for everything and does everything too. they drink with the grown relatives on both of the sides of the guy and girl which is like one whole day or two days straight. and the girl just walk around get to know every one and just stare at her husband get drunk then you know. get drunk. i wouldn't say that a wife is cheap but they are pricey. they just don't come free. but then sometimes they do come free because their parents would say "shes not worth anything so if you want her just take her." or they would just say that, "you could just take her because i know how life is and we have a lot money already so its ok." then you get free. Another is when your older brothers take you to engage with some of your not so close relatives daughters then i guess it would be nothig of charge towards you but the drinking thing would still be the same.hmong tradition is gay on the marriage part but otherwise its the best. for instance you could have more one wife. and that is the best ever to have more than 1 wife and everyone guy wants that. two times the action!!!!!!!!!!

everyone on your side of the tree pats for the wedding but her side of the tree gives you guys a lot of things to start your life. such as blankets, presents, pillows, ect. but you will get a $hit load of things guaranteed. i'd sy that both families spend a goo coupl thousands just for the good of the two. I've been to lots of weddings and was even the best man for the groom once and this is what happened. so don't worry. if your gonna marry her then you should pay at least three or four grand for your wife and ask for the rest from your parents. just talk to a hmong guy or a hmong person if you still don't understand.man im getting married too and i bet im not as old as you are. im getting married in one year and a half. its amazing to see what love do to people. they go crazy for one person that they love the most..hahahahahaha.

WELL GOOD LUCK WITH THE MARRIAGE IF YOU DO EVER GET MARRIED TO HER AND CONGRATES.

if this guy really wants to settle the marriage wedding properly, all he needs to do is find someone (hmong man) to represent or help him. this hmong man will assist him w/ a Mej Koob (pronounced May Kong) and talk to the bride's parents accordingly with our proper beliefs and customs.

as for the cost of bride and wedding i'm sured the bride's parents will ask for reasonable price, like any other weddings.

in return the bride's parents will give the groom and bride some sufficient gifts and mony(s) back as loving and blessing gifts.

so far it just doesn't seem to have much information on this man and his background.

if he is a good man (let's say he is now), i'm sured he is willing to bind w/ hmong beliefs and customs and settle w/ the bride's parents. therefore, at the end he will be in a good position to winning all the wishs and stand as a real man.

when someone said the woman (bride) should shut up, i would think he meant sometimes woman doesn't see the wider and bigger picture as man does or the other way around.