fu-k, I have to do the things people do. Things that everyone does.
This really pisses me off!
Eat, $hit, have sex, love, emotion, kill.....animals for consumption...or be vegetarian..
Get a job, go to school, start a business, make a choice in having kids and just do
all the other bs and drudge we humans do all day!
How can I change this?
Voice in my head says "try escaping..maybe?"
"How?" I reply
"Lets do things human beings don't do" it said
"Yeah, thats duh - but we dont even know where to begin..duh. Look, we are even talking in human language. Damnit!"
"Looks like we are stuck, huh"
"No...there has to be a way out of here" I reply "and I dont mean by death. I like this life."
"join a gang"
"Hey what if someone else had these thought before? you're really fu-ked then, since this is just another human thought"
After this, I didn't care about anything. I just sat around the house for the rest of the day and said fu-k it. Being blank was the only thing that seemed somewhat otherworldy and even then, i was stuck. Then it hit me...what am I doing at home?
Oh well, the days over now..
The next day I woke up and things were the same. Everything was the same and nothing had changed. People at the university still went to school, white guys were fu-king my sister, people on the internet still looked at porn and did research, some people were whining, people were going out on dates, the govt was still corrupt, dfl was still doing chemistry experiments, and people still died.
All of this going on and here i'm stuck, in this time, this place, this space, this era..
What got me thinking like this in the first place?
Probably all those history book I read - showed me how pointless existence is. Those king, queen, warrior, philosopher had wives, had good educations, were politcal, did kinky things behind closed doors, wrote poetry, had family, had secrets, made music, were individual and creative, and discovered science then poof! they all died...
Ugh, there we go...a thought..I think thats whats stopping me - okay..its that. I have few things I need to take care of first. Make sure everything is in order. Since this is all blank anyways.
First, the girl at the university..the cute girl that just stopped talking to me out of the blue when we were getting close cause she had this perception that I was some kind of bum. I have to get down her pant? Ye...
Second, I really feel like socking that smug motherfu-ker in his mouth..no reason, just representin' and getting rid of all the
phony formal craps he throws in people's face.
Third, report to Lieberman lab to continue research on the mechanism of cytotoxicity by CTL granzymes.
For the whole week, my life was this list and I lived by it completely.
Every item on that list had work put in on it and I focused on nothing else. It was horrible because despite the fact that I was accomplished in some small, ultimately insignificant way, i still had a weird forehead and still felt pointless and now thanks to this list - I felt like a robot. A pointless robot with a beating heart and brain, rubbing up against other people like magnets...waiting for something else to happen.
Now, iam here..back at home experiencing deja vu.
I have to do the things people do. Things that everyone does.