Then he's irresponsible and inconsiderate.

Post to me where i have been forcing him to agree with me or have trouble accepting he's opinion. If you can't post that to me then don't waste your time. Infact i said again and again that the guy could be good but that is not how i calculate in this situation but i don't have to be right(but you all seem to ignore those comments). You even told me that vaman was only trying to be fair and i replied back saying that is a good point.

I could care less what vaman or anyone else sees the guy as- i got no problem with that.
If they accepted that i have my own opinion, they would have left the topic long time ago, but yet they keep telling me how I'm making this mistake and making that mistake trying to make me see things in a rational way. They claim they don't care how i see the guy(but they really do or they would just leave it alone). I told them many post ago that i am not trying to be fair. Then why are they nagging me whenever i say the guy is a jerk? Did i tell them that I'm trying to be rational?

Should I not defend myself?
Cuss me now, because i attacked your friend.
Because that is why you hold grudges now.


If she says that someone else is been bullied how can she be playing the victim?

I just can't win with you guys lol. I called the guy a jerk, they tell me not to call the guy a jerk since I do not know him. I asked them why they got a problem with my opinion, they say that "they don't mind if i call the guy a jerk but that i should look at things from a different perspective and think that there could be different possibilities." So then I write to them saying that "I know that there could be different possibilities and but still think in this situation the guy is a jerk." Then they then tell me that "I'm not looking at different perspective because i am still calling the guy a jerk."


Look at acmilan post saying "we are back to square one," he is simply saying that nothing has resolved and i am back to calling the guy a jerk after he spend so long trying to convince me otherwise. keep in mind that he once said he didn't care if i view the guy as a jerk. If he did not have a problem with my post then he would not have made that comment.

^^ No, I'm not trying to convince you that he's not a jerk. I said we're back to square 1 because you're making rash judgements with little to no evidence to back yourself up.

Anyway, are those pics of you in your avatar and sig?



I don't disagree in the slightest. However, Mona's posts in this thread are a great example of how people can act irrationally when emotionally charged.

You just agreed with me in different words. Your saying I'm back judging the guy harsh even though you thought you almost got me to stop. You have a big problem with me making harsh judgement. Opinions do not always require hard evidence. And untill you understand that you are gonna continue to find issues with my opinion. A lot of opinions are just assumptions which is what i am doing and so are you. I made one statement saying "he is a jerk" you said we are back to square one means you are still not satisfied with my comment. Before you said it is ok if i called the guy a jerk but i should look at things from different perspective so i did agree that there could be different possibilities, yet u still have a problem. If you felt that you succeeded by making me stop calling the guy a jerk you would not have made that comment and it is pretty obvious. My opinion is based on xtin story and you do not like the fact that i'm judging someone harsh whom i do not know. I really do not care whether you call my post irrational, every opinion can't be rational and i already told u that many times, so i don't know why your repeating the same thing as if you think i am going to deny it.
Not everything needs to be backed up with references to authoritative texts, which are largely someones "take" on things.


I bet you if i was the one who told you that he's irresponsible and inconsiderate you would have something different to say.




It is ironic what you are telling juicyfruit because,
Juicyfruit is not emotionally charged and ranting like me but, he is not saying anything rational either. Yet that's ok for u caz he is backing you and Vaman. So you do not need to be emotionally charge to act irrational.


I'm gonna edit your post with red font, this is what you are trying to avoid saying but regardless it is still clear.

back to square one means back to the beginning and that means you are simply saying I'm back to having my unfair opinion.





I'm gonna post to you from the dictionary what an opinion is:

1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

2. A belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge
3. A judgment or estimation of the merit of a person or thing:
4. a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty


And this is from the thesaurus:
[b]assessment, assumption, attitude, conception, conclusion, estimate, , say so, speculation, thought, view, viewpoint, supposition, judgment.

See, i never once said i am not making assumptions, because i am, but those assumptions are my opinion and you have a problem with me making assumptions which means you have a problem with my opinion.

I said plenty times that he could be good, but you just ignore those comments because you want me to definitely stop calling him a jerk. I fully understand your opinion and that it is great and understand that you are trying to be fair but after calculating xtin story. I came to my conclusion.


What I do hear is that this guy is upholding his cultural/traditional beliefs, xtin got hurt and we all empathise with her. Others more readily accept that this situation is common so they will say dont judge him, as I do. We are all right depending on how you look at it. We are each entitled to our own opinions. None has to change his or her view to please the others. We can agree to disagree and get on with life.

Mona you're not even making sense. I'm not talking about your opinion (I said you're free to think what you want, meaning your opinion). I'm talking about the forceful nature and stubbornness when you present your argument, with little reasoning or rationality. Even speaking of your opinion (as you say you don't need hard evidence), you give little reasoning as to how or why you come to such conclusions. This is what I mean when I say going back to square 1.

Actually juicyfruit was being rational, as what he said was in response to one of the possible scenarios I presented and made sense. If you had said anything similar, I wouldn't have treated you differently, but the point is you didn't say it, nor do I believe you would have (instead I suspect you would simply say he's a jerk and that's all).

I'll be honest, I only bothered to read part of the reply, considering you wrote so much for about 4 lines of text (again reinforcing the argument me and juicyfruit presented about ranting). I agree though, let's just agree to disagree.

Will you answer my other question?

The discussion in this thread has become something else. @ACMILAN1983 haven't you got tired of replying to @Mona? I stopped replying to her long ago, it looks like she is too into herself, she doesn't even want to understand or appreciate others point of view. @Mona it is better that you stop mentioning me in your posts in this thread.

^^ Well, a little tired yes. Still I would like to know if that's her pic in the avatar and siggie (if so then it appears she's beautiful).

If you don't even wanna read this post that is ok since I'm sick and bored of quarreling with u. It is obvious that if i do not give reasons to your likings, and you will continuously harass me with same old questions. you are still complaining about me been irrational, and if you are having problem with my irrationality then you are having a problem with my opinion because you said that i am very irrational in my opinion. You are still attacking my opinion which ever way u look at it and in every post you are making it more clear.

And what I'm i stubborn to? stubborn in giving my opinion and not giving only rational views like you?
You just want me to stop calling the guy a jerk that is it. And you refuse to admit it. I do not think i need to give you any evidence, my opinion is my opinion and i never said you should agree with me. But you are the one who is been very forceful and you are trying to get me to talk only rationality about the guy. So what if my conclusion is that he is a jerk? why can't u accept that is my opinion? Did i say u have to agree with me? You are been very forceful because no matter how many number of times i tell you it is my opinion. And stated why i felt the way i do, in much earlier posts and you said you do not agree with my posts so therefore they are not valid reasons, it seem you are never satisfied and you want solid prove for everything or else you won't accept anything down your system. So that means every time someone is not able to give you direct proof for something you are not gonna respect that it is their opinion regardless. I told you that my opinion is based on xtin story, i'm not gonna go over her story again.It is really getting boring going over the same things again and again with you. Do you have a problem that i am been irrational? be honest, if you do not then why don't u leave the topic.Juicyfruit is not been at all rational but as i said before you will back him because he is on ur side as far saying that i am ranting. He made the same assumptions as i did except for the jerk part. But instead of going over the same reason as to why i think negatively about saumik - i just define the whole situation as calling him a jerk. The guy could be good otherwise but in this situation to me he is a loser. The fact that you keep questioning my opinion again and again means that you do not accept my opinion.

You already said i told you that i am not trying to be rational and you said that is enough for you, yet still you are continuing which means that you still do not respect my opinion. While i accepted yours long ago. So you are also acting irrational because u are not trying to accept my opinion regardless that you do not agree with it.


For example, if my sister came to me telling me that some dude broke her heart, dam right I'm gonna pick her side and call the guy a jerk. Regardless that i might not know the guy. That is human nature, everyone is not always gonna give rational views. And i would imagine that there would be different possibilities as to why he broke her heart but so? I'd still take my sister's side. I believe xtin story so i am taking xtin side. If you can't accept that there is nothing i can do. Maybe you only accept rational opinion and others which aren't to your liking should not be respected.




What can u do if i mention about u?
Juicyfruit is the one who keep bringing up ur name to me, so i replied back using ur name. I was gonna ask him why he is telling me about u again when u already left the thread. I think you are the one who is too into yourself, since you act as if someone does not look at things in the same rational perspective as you then that means their opinion does not count.
Where have i said that i do not appreciate others point of view? I said many times in my latest post that i understand your opinion but do not agree with it. So stop making up things to make yourself look good.


What is so rational if juicyfruit is saying he could not possibly see how the guy could defend himself.

And this is my post


now what is the difference between what he said and what i said?

then hes game. the fuk were u thinking man. this yoga fairy gets MALE PMS??? that you in ur pic or Kristen Kreuk? doesnt even matter LMAO, seeing his pic i know you can do better. he look like a ballerina haha. CHEF BOYAR GAYYYYY

ok ok, im done.

yeah, i duno bout you but id be more embarrassed that you went out with him then sad.

hehe , but maybe she found some good qualities in him, it's not always just about looks for some people.

Even though i could not be with someone whom i'm not attracted to, maybe she's attracted to him

Lol the comment about ballerina is funny.

mona, don't even worry about apologizing anymore.

EVERYONE HAS TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS TO ONE EXTEND OR ANOTHER IN ANY FORUM. WE ARE ONLY GIVEN LIMITED INFORMATION!!!!!!!

give her a fu-kin' break. at least mona is willing to opine EVEN IF IT GOES AGAINST THE MAJORITY VIEW.

....and you know what??? I fu-kIN' LIKE WOMEN WHO HAVE A MIND OF THEIR OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pretty pathetic that this thread is still going.

^Why? The discussion has changed to something else.



Look at the past two pages. You and Najjiah became upset because VAMAN called you out and disagreed with your opinion.



Stop trying to play the victim again. Neither one of those guys are my "friends" nor do I have a grudge against you. I am starting to find you almost as annoying as jiggyjiggy though.



This started because she claimed that VAMAN was specifically targeting her and you. And that was actually directed to you also.



Nothing has been resolved. He said something about looking at it in a different perspective and you gave him your 5 paragraph rants.



So then what's wrong with calling him a jerk? Inconsiderate people, especially in situations like this, fit the bill.



Word.



Um... how? Everything I've said is rational and makes sense. We have the same opinion; the difference is that I express it differently and can defend it without the long, tedious, useless rants that you post. Again, stop playing the victim. That makes your post



How was what I said not rational? I went through every possible reason that AC could've used and addressed them. As for you saying something similar, you said a long time ago. The irrational ranting came later.



LOL @ Chef Boyar gay.



Oh God, stop trying to spin this into some lame men putting down women's voices rant. And Mona didn't go against majority view; pretty much everyone said he was an @$$ in this thread.

juicyfruit u are really boring, so I'm not gonna waste my time anymore replying to u.
And i do not care a flying foot whether you think i am annoying or not.

This is amusing coming from the person with your style of posts.

Very convenient to say that you and them is not friends.

I got nothing to say really....I'd almost be afraid to interrupt......I'm feeling rather tired lately.

I think that the argument is going around in circles, so maybe its time to rest and change topic yaar? Mona has been quite objective about saumik, as is with Vaman , Acmilan etc, just that you guys have differing views that tend to lean more on either side. yea, peace!

Ok, let's pretend the last 2 pages didn't happen?

I guess I'm feeling better? I don't know, I still feel anxious around Saumik whenever I am in the centre, but just so you all know, I have not attended his classes for almost 1 week! but I still think of him every now and then. Ah......i'm hopeless.....

I gotta go, I found a part time job last week, so its competing with my obsession to attend yoga 24/7, hence my "silence" the last few days.....will try to log on tonight.

^Thank God, woman. A few pages back I thought you'd never be able to recover and would still be here telling us that you attend his classes and see him everyday.



Conveniently true. I've had more friendly conversation with you then either of them.

good job

Nothing is wrong with calling him a jerk if it's the truth (though even then I would refrain from saying so), but that's just one possible hypothetical situation I thought of.



that's great news, definitely a step forward from the last time we spoke, hope you're doing well

Yea but I still feel this longing whenever he walks by, and even though I pretend I am over him when he says a quick Hi to me, as he walks to and fro between his classes, I still look on after him and I think my gaze is pretty obvious to onlookers. Sigh

It still hurts, a little less, but I'm getting used to it, like a chronic back pain that most people tend to wish would go away but lingers and acts up every now and then.

Good for you. You'll get over him eventually and hopefully meet someone better when you're ready.

Just imagine the truth to this story.

This guy could come back 5 years from now, sing I'd Rather by Luther Vandross and this young lady would
start another 20 page thread on how to keep hope alive.


Bones

I feel the same way.

I guess I'm moving on.....crushing on new guy but dont think it'll go anywhere so I'll just keep it a crush. Also, I start work this Wed at Barclays....wish me luck! Thanks for the support and advice and hard knocks

All the very best for the things to come in your life ahead. Good you have started to move on with your life in a positive way.

Barclays bank? My bro used to work there

it is good to hear that u are finally starting to recover from that jerk

u'll find someone else i'm sure.

@Mona: Still hurts sometimes and I do think of him....will always have a place for him in my heart.

@ACMILAN1983: Yea Barclays.... but I rather be at the yoga centre.

To all: Aap kaise ho? Mein theek hai.

If we truly loved someone we will always have them in our heart.

Oh girl. I don't like the way you suffer you know.

But look on the brighter side of life. I'm sure if he only had the right to choose he would choose you. I guess he's not that brave though.

My, this thread has gone a long way! Good luck Xtin77.

I thought I'm the only one learning Urdu here but good thing you've learned a thing.

one sentence honey

get the fu-k over it and move the fu-k on



What positive things have come from your life after this?
How long have you wallowed in self pity?
You carry around this hurt as if love and relationships should be forever-ever wuv wuv meow meow kitten $hit on acid, everything ends in marriage.

Concentrate on you
Improve you
Get smarter, stronger, better than what you were when he left, than what you were last week - improve your own life and live for yourself so you don't block off the people who can truly make you happier than what your own life brings for you

Yes she should get over him- hope she has by now, he is obviously a LOSER.

This is an old thread..I would assume she's over him by now...at least I hope so.

Hi guys, sorry I may not have been active in this thread but I still log on to keep updated and just read silently.



@dette: hey gal, thanks for ya concern. Im doing much better since the last time I last posted here. I'm having my difficulties but coping





@Ichigo_Zangetsu: woah woah woah... no need to bite my head off. if u noticed, the last time I posted here was 4 months ago back in April. So yea I didn't resurrect the thread to "torment" . lol. thanks for the strong bit of advice to be pro-self and all. cheers!







Hey mona, how's things? I have been working on my new job the last 4 months and I am defintely more in control of myself now. Less weepy n emotional. But I'd be a liar n hypocrite to say I dont think of him and feel sad til today. I just paste a smile on the outside and bear the pain.




err..... i've improved loads, but not quite over him. His contract with the yoga company ends this coming Friday. My mood is slightly dampened and im feeling weepy but its alright cos I am able to continue working and not give up. sigh, i can only look on an sigh.

Great!..It's not going to happen overnight, but you've improved and that's a huge accomplishment.Taking it step by step is the best way to go.

One day, you will look back and think "I can't believe I put myself through all of that. I deserve so much better than him."


Keep working at things..do things that you like and make you feel good, hang out with positive people......You can "look on and sigh" now, but you will get at where you want to be in the future. It will be here before you know it.

lol ya know.. families are like that ^^ my family is sort of like that but i don't obther with them. i'm no longer a baby after all ^^

i've dated indian guys. not to mention i've had great indian mates ^^ some of them are a bit ignorant but ya know.. who isn't lol

This is all par for the course when you date an Indian guy. They are basically mama's boys and many seem to have a very outdated conception of women and marriage. So naturally they will screw around before marriage with some unsuspecting non-desi and then find some village lass thinking she'll be an obedient virginal wife who will cook, clean and be his maid (little does he know ofcourse that she's probably a spoiled brat who has been whoring herself at nightclubs and having one night stands). It all kind of works out. That's the beauty of Karma.

I do have some well balanced indian male friends who don't think like this, but they have other reasons for being in interracial relationships (self hatred issues mostly).

Oh my.

Xtin....heartbreak is a b!tch, but once you're over this guy, the first thought that'll pop in your head is "What was I thinking?!". Trust me. You can do much better.

I feeling terrible about everything. I had an epiphany last night. It was his last day at the yoga centre as his contract has ended. One of my Indian lady friend who does yoga felt so upset at my pain that she went to talk to him despite me telling her not to. My friend was unhappy with his reply "I am sorry for hurting her, but I made a mistake. I am a TYPICAL Indian guy, I will ONLY marry an Indian girl that my parents agree with." My friend felt that if he is SO sure he is a typical Indian guy, why the heck did he even initiate a r/s with me? Anyways, I realise now how heartless he is, over the countless times I cired in front of him, he never showed any signs of empathy, all he did was "advise" as if he had no part with everything we had before, which is what hurts the most.

That's a shame. He's a disgrace to Indian men. Not all of us are like this but I guess there are many who do think that way. I guess the best way to move on is to just distance yourself from this person and try to keep yourself busy. You'll be surprised by how quickly you can move on when your mind isn't given time to dwell on the past. This guy certainly isn't worth your tears.

Don't jump into a relationship immediately, that's just a recipe for disaster because you are very vulnerable right now. Give yourself time to get over all this.

What doesn't break you only makes you stronger. Human beings are extremely resilient. I know once you get over him, you will feel like a new person. Trust me.

I understand how you feel, but do you really want to be with a guy who has no heart and hurts you like that? You deserve someone that cares about your feelings and respects them.....not someone who acts as he does.

Think of it this way...All of this happened for a reason. You know what kind of a person he really is and now you know that you can find someone a LOT better...someone who DESERVES you.

@Noir: Thanks for the advice, I'm better than last time and I will do my best. I seriously felt he was a good man. Back then there was really nothing u can find fault with him except for his ego and arrogance. Other than that, he is filial to his parents, polite, friendly, has a good sense of humour, lovable, caring, patient and slow to anger. I was so SURE nothing could go wrong until he "changed his mind" and stated he was a TYPICAL Indian guy. I have nothing against anyone, I believe that just because of one rotten apple in a basket, doesn't mean the rest of the apples are spoiled. Just my tough luck (again!) to have met such guys to be in a r/s with.

Yea I hope you are right, that I will eventually move on and all. I did it once before, but with this one, I am not so sure until I am really out of it to confirm my belief.





He had heart, lots of it. I really can't wrap my brain around the fact that he is what he is now. He is like 2 totally different people. The one who loved me unconditionally and this uncaring heartless one who seems to have forgotten everything good that I am. I really believed and trusted him. 100% and more. It's too big a fall and he didnt catch me. It's traumatising no matter how much I try to forget it or distract myself.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way...but you seem to be in denial or minimizing what he is...bringing up the positives instead of dealing with the harsh truth......I don't know your ex bf, but I have seen a lot of situations like this where the guy only "pretended to be nice" when he was dating someone...I've been in relationships like this myself, and I also ended up trusting the person 100% only to think "What happened to the sweet guy I was dating?".

Sadly.someone's true colors can show when or after you break up and the truth is you deserve better than this.

I dunno really, I seriously don't know anymore. I made sure he was a good guy or at least "safe". Many people who knew him, although not closely, said he is a very respectable young man, alot of them approve of him in general. I am the kind of girl who just feels comfortable attending yoga classes with her usual group and I don't seek to attract attention, I am harmless. In fact, I'm pretty much sure he couldn't have pretended to be nice for so long? I dunno...it's tearing my brain into bits even when trying not to think of him or the puzzling 180 degree switch in personality. it

He was pretending to be nice because Indian people have manners.

no. being indian has nothing tp do with it. he was pretending to be nice to get into her yoga pants. just like any man.. he is weak when it comes to women.

I don't think she's ready to admit this yet.

I know it may sound delusional, but a part of me strongly believes that he was genuine. I believe it. I will move on with my life, I will live each day to the fullest, but I won't believe that what happened between us wasn't real. The love was real. Even if it may be in the past, but it was real.

It doesn't sound delusional..It's common for a lot of people to feel this way..It's easier to look at the good than deal with the bad.

What is a fact is that this should stay in the past, and you can move on.