Seven Steps to Online Dating
By Eve Eschner Hogan, MA
Intellectual Foreplay lends itself beautifully for use with people meeting and "dating" on line. When meeting people on the internet, it is even more important to use our heads in the dating process.
Dating has changed tremendously over the last century! Where we were once limited to the decisions of our village matchmaker, the arranged marriages of our parents, or in who was considered "acceptable" to society, we now have a lot more free choice in a society where almost anything goes! In addition, due to the divorce rate, more and more people are re-entering the dating world at different ages and stages of life - looking for different kinds of relationships.
Along with the additional freedom of choice also comes a bigger responsibility - to choose wisely! Some of the sites online can be very helpful in this process because their pre-screening process acts a bit like the village matchmaker in clarifying our interests and qualities, while still affording us our own free choice!
Millions are logging on to find love...it can be fun, time saving and convenient, opening up your realm of possibility from who you may meet by chance in your home town to millions of users the world round.
Here are some quick suggestions for those of you who want to try online dating or "E-dating":
1) Pick a reputable, well-known site that has a large user base. The more people that are logged on as users, the more options you will have to choose from! Choosing a site that seems to hold similar values to your own is always a good idea. If you don't want to receive pornographic messages, choose a site that doesn't have "adult" content. If you are taking this process seriously, look for a site that asks serious questions in their questionnaire and that offers essay questions that yield important and interesting information. AmericanSingles.com and Jdate.com are excellent sites that meet all of these criteria.
2) Take the registration questionnaire seriously and honestly. Be Truthful! The more you know who you are, what you want and what you have to offer, the more likely you are to recognize a good match. Explore your own values, goals, and desires as preparation for practicing Intellectual Foreplay with someone else! Identify the issues which you feel are "non-negotiable" as a starting point for discussion. The exercises in Intellectual Foreplay are excellent for clarifying your interests and values.
3) Practice INTELLECTUAL FOREPLAY! Ask (and answer) questions! Use your head as well as your heart! The more you ask, the more you'll know. Pay attention to the answers! Keep your own values and ideals in mind as you explore a potential partner. "Intellectual Foreplay" is an excellent guide to navigate you through the territory of meeting and dating a new partner!
4) Take Intellectual Foreplay to the phone. Tone of voice can tell you a lot. When we are restricted to reading email, it is easy to read emphasis or meaning into the written word that wasn't really there. When you are talking on the phone, you will pick up subtle information that will either increase your interest or diminish it. Over the phone, you will also be able to more easily tell of someone has been drinking or if they call obsessively or if they are polite. Good communication requires listening skills as well as speaking skills, which can not be determined through email alone.
5) Practice Safe Dating! We've all heard a lot about practicing "safe sex," but it is equally important to practice safe dating! When you meet someone online, be careful not to give them information that will lead them to you physically, until you are sure that they are a safe and trustworthy person. Unlike a blind date - in which you have the benefit of a personal referral - with an internet introduction, you don't really know who you are talking to. Even the picture he/she has sent you could be of someone else. Practice due diligence...even if it means checking references before you agree to meet in person.
6) Trust Your Intuition! If something doesn't quite feel right, or safe, trust that. Our bodies often give us signs of discomfort when we are in any kind of danger. Pay attention to your body's signals.
7) When it comes time to meet, do so in a NEUTRAL ZONE! So you've been sending emails back and forth and are pretty sure that something beautiful could develop. Where and how do you meet? His domain or hers? NEITHER! Meet in a neutral zone where you are both on equal footing. Eve Hogan offers Intellectual Foreplay workshops on Maui for just that purpose. Meet in a safe, fun, supportive and educational environment to discover whether or not you are a match. Learn skills for creating a healthy, joyful relationship. Or try going on one of the trips with Matchnet Travel as an excellent place to explore your potential together!
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Do they look similar?
and its bad sides i guess 
ther's no link between my avatar and me...
