Tameka J. Raymond
Fashion stylist, designer and mother

Posted: August 11, 2009 03:07 PM

I am a dark-skinned African American woman with features that reflect my ancestry. Debates regarding Light vs. Dark and other biases have plagued our race for years and continues to impact millions of Black women. The deeply rooted intra-racial contempt that lies beneath this inane "compliment" is the reason I've chosen to spark dialogue surrounding the topic of self-hatred in our culture. It saturates every aspect of our lives, dominating the perspectives of our generation as a whole. We culturally are so influential, at times inadvertently, that we affect all with the words we utter and the images we portray. It lends to the theory of systemic racism. I'm authoring this piece because I'm miffed by this reality and would like to share my views on these subjects.

It is a fact that many African-Americans are often mixed with an array of other ethnicities (as am I), which allows for the spectrum of our features to be as distinctive and special as we are diverse. Why is it felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features become the more aesthetically acceptable we are considered? It was said in the 1960s and the sentiment seems to be forgotten, "Black is Beautiful." Wow, nearly 50 years later and is that now only meant for a specific shade? Nonetheless, I believe the beauty of our people and splendor of every individual is reflected in our varying features and hues.

Often dark-skinned women are considered mean, domineering and standoffish and it was these very labels that followed Michelle Obama during the campaign for her husband's presidency and which she has had to work tirelessly to combat. I was appalled when I heard a Black woman refer to Michelle Obama as unattractive. The conversation turned into why President Obama picked her as his mate. No one in the witch-hunt made reference to the possibility that Michelle Obama was smart, funny, caring, a good person, highly accomplished or brilliant. Nor did they mention that she previously was President Obama's supervisor. If she were fair skinned, petite with long straight or wavy hair, would the same opinions be linked to her? I seriously doubt it. It is believed that for the dark skinned, dreams are less obtainable.

In fact, I have read similar comments about myself that I am "dark, aggressive, bossy and b!tchy." It has been stated that my husband should have been with a "younger, more beautiful" woman. Astoundingly, the majority of the remarks come from African-American women and are mimicked by others. Sadly enough, I don't know nor have I met 99% of those making these assertions. Funny, how we can judge another without having personally seen, interacted with or experienced a person's character.

As I began to delve into further research on this topic, and the more I read, I concluded that many of our people do not like what they see in the mirror. Seeing ones own reflection in another person and then to dissect it in an effort to destroy can only be the product of self-loathing. Why don't we congratulate as opposed to hate?

There is an adage "hurt people, hurt people". If this is true then we must examine the root of negative words and judgments that are passed on people. Unfortunately, we have internal stereotypes based off of skin color and facial features that stem from years of programming, dating back to the "Willie Lynch" method for creating a slave. In this infamous formula, one of the main factors in separating and creating division was placing the lighter skinned blacks in a higher position in the house, while those with darker skin were made to stay in the fields and deemed "less desirable". Much like the Caste System in India. No matter what strides we make as a people, these issues continue to plague and rot our souls, causing significant decay to a portion of our population and truly hindering our progress. Perhaps we show progress in our wallets and lifestyles but not in our mind set.

Reading magazines, social media sites, watching our music videos, and television shows feed our appetites for all things 'beauty". Rarely, however do I see depictions of grace and elegance in the form of dark complexioned women. I Googled one of the more ethnic models, Alek Wek and I was saddened by the tone of what the bloggers wrote in reference to her complexion, features and hair texture. Ms. Wek's escape from Sudan, her journey, philanthropy, and groundbreaking success as a supermodel in America is not only beautiful, but it displays her tenacity and character. African-Americans seemed to have lost their eye for character. These comments are evidence of the confusion that lies within many black people. It's the cruelty and prejudice that has spilled into the fabric of our everyday lives. It makes me wonder what have we collectively lost as a people? Our Minds.

I too have fallen prey, while on vacation in Brazil I decided to undergo tummy lipo-surgery. After having an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, I went into cardiac arrest before the procedure ever began. I nearly lost my life over something as superficial as having a flatter mid-section and trying to adapt to society's traditional definition of beauty. As I nursed my psychological wounds, I began to realize that trying to live up to the prototypes of external beauty paled in comparison to the fact that I have undergone labor, subsequently being blessed to raise five handsome, smart, healthy, intuitive, and happy children. I emerged from my ordeal realizing that my body is an amazing vessel that has given birth to life and that being healthy is what's important and nothing more.

It is my hope that our First Lady and others who share in this effort will continue to be the beacon to shine a light for those who toil on America's beauty totem pole. Now don't get me wrong or take my words out of context. I truly believe that everyone has a right to delineate what they deem is attractive, but we must not confuse perceived "attractiveness" with authentic "beauty." It is important for African Americans, especially, to realize that true beauty is a spiritual element that lies deep within an individual's spirit. It can neither be seen nor is it tangible. People tend to forget that beauty is not about looks and looks is not about beauty.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the great poet Khalil Gibran who once wrote, "Beauty is not the face; beauty is a light in the heart."

Wow... i thought this was really an indictment of african-american materialistic lifestyles that extrahour has been hammering on lately....

What do u think??? Is it true that african americans generally don't like being dark skinned if they can help it?

What????
You can't be asking this question seriously????
That's like asking if Tangy likes to be a girl???
You're asking if someone dislikes having characteristics that make them who they are ...
Do you not like your boobs???

What????
You can't be asking this question seriously????
That's like asking if Tangy likes to be a girl???
You're asking if someone dislikes having characteristics that make them who they are ...
Do you not like your boobs???

Bull$hit, most white people today tan themselves disgustingly much.

^ lol true

You missed the point again, u are getting old.

The article highlights a condition that afflicts certain african-american who have developed a loathing of who they are, despite of themselves. It's a little like you loathing the FOB in yourself, and picking on other FOBs around u just to distinguish yourself from them, don't u get it???

Funny how CBW could make a stance for herself, and yet, u stoop to attack mode yet again..

You're asking if someone dislikes having characteristics that make them who they are ...
Do you not like your boobs???

Most white people don't want to look mixed. They want to look tan.

In the days of old if you were rich you stayed indoors and were nice and palid. Pale was a sign of money. Now if you're rich you're out jet setting at the beach in Miami. Now being tan is a sign of wealth. Not being a darker complextion. Being tan. There's a difference. Which is why they're all perfectly happy with that nasty orange color they turn.

+1

What did u think of the writer's opinions???

Honestly... I think white people suffer from the same problem. It's less to do with skin tone as it is with wanting to be set apart from the bunch; wanting an identity outside of larger group.

Black Americans love to go on about how they're mixed with native American. "I'm part Cherokee!" No $hit, so's half the US, but if you don't have tribal affiliation I don't care and it doesn't count (to me or the Chreokee Nation.)

I cannot begin to express how stupid it sounds to hear a white American go on and on about "I'm half English, 1/8 Irish, part Welsh, blah blah blah...."

For some reason being American isn't enough. For some reason everyone wants some kind of ehtnic identity outside of white and black that makes them more "exotic" or special.

I've never met a real African-American that had a problem with being dark. I've never met a white-washed black American that had a problem with being dark.

That and what the writer is completely ignoring is if you're ugly, you're ugly, it doesn't matter what skin tone you have. Light or dark, if your hair is nappy, your skin is bad and your facial features don't suit the size of your face, you will still be marked unattractive by any measure. The writer says she's upset about the comments she read about African models but there are tons of African [high fashion] models and very few black [American.]

Whenever I see black women praised for their beauty, it's the ones that have maintained a natural and feminine look. People genuinely dig the "bohemian" look. No relaxers, no extensions. No contacts, no acryllic nails. A black woman with a natural afro tied up by a cute head band in a long skirt and a strappy top with a large wooden bangle on one wrist looks great. People like it. It also makes them look more earthy and approachable.

People LOVE my curly hair much more than I do. Black, white, Asian, Latino all much prefer my curly hair over my straight. I will say it: a lot of black american women spend their time trying to mimic the "white" standard of beauty and either just can't achieve it or they half @$ it rather than take the road less travelled and embrace the features they already have and work with those. It's a LOT more work to maintain curly hair than it is straight. It's a LOT harder to find good make-up for darker skins than it is light.

This stigma isn't coming from "black ISN'T beautiful." It's coming from "I want to look like that woman on TV with the professional stylist but I can't afford it so I'm going to half @$ it by going to Shaquanda down the street, get a set of bad tracks, not maintain them and then wonder why no one thinks I'm attractive. Oh, it must be because I'm black/ dark."

I had a Chinese class with a dark black American I few years ago. OMG, the Chinese and white guys in that class LOVED her. She wasn't even particularly pretty. Her facial features were normal enough. She dressed very mildly. Jeans and tank top. She didn't dress to the nines and try to call attention to herself. She took good care of her [dark] skin and it looked fantastic. She had great legs and her dark complexion accented them rather than subtract.

It's all about how you carry yourself and how you maintain your body. There are certain guys that are going to go for the fake nails, bad tracks, flashy clothes and loud mouth just like there are some guys that are totally hot for Pam Am's boobs. For everyone else, they just need tone it down, work a little harder and maintain.

^ nice bit of elaboration there mikekk86

good to see u see the issues clearer than that old fuggy avisitor!

i hv met many african americans who come to africa and suffer identity issues .. they don't like what they see here and how they are treated by africans...

when push comes to shove, they will tell u in the face that "I am an American!", as if the label of being american sets them apart from the masses of african here immediately... a bit like the asian americans going on about others being FOBs just to demarcate themselves from the masses of ABCs.

in fact, many africans are more proud and sure of themselves than african americans... i didn't make this up. my african mates tell me that all the time...

it seems like it's the working class african americans who are doing the half-assed job of maintaining themselves, their body and their mindsets in a dignified way... but looking at the successful african americans like say... Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett, or Mr and Mrs Obama, they seem to be really classy in a uniquely african american way. Not white, not native american, just uniquely their african american way, am I right??

So it is true as well for African americans working here in Kenya amongst Africans. They are quick to say they are American.

And I think for the average chinese Singaporean, they look at the ABC the same way as the average african looks at the african american -- brother, we are all the same, why are u going on and on abt you being an American and setting yourself apart from us?

I think it's all down to a complex -- a kinda superiority complex -- when one says "I am an American".

Agree??

I would really like to see you say that to a black middle class african american.
What the hell do you mean half-assed job of maintaining themselves???
You can do better? Middle class is not successful???
OMG, is there no end to your arrogance?????

tangawizi got that line from me and I stand by it.

"it seems like it's the working class african americans who are doing the half-assed job of maintaining themselves, their body and their mindsets in a dignified way..."

thx for clarifying that CBW... i think fuggy avisitor is still confused over the gist of the thread... what can i do?

You really don't see anything offensive about that statement?
Well, lets just substitute "CBW" for "african americans"

it seems like it's the working class african americans ClearBlueWater who is doing a half-assed job of maintaining herself, her body and her mindset in a dignified way...

Do you see that statement has no justifications, no reasons or explainations?
It just comes out derogatory.


Ole wanna be reporter/ journalist ...
are you saying that you're quoting a source?
Com'mon you can do better.

That's like saying it's offensive to call a fat person fat.

I typed out a whole post defining it yesterday and decided not to post it. The simplest way I can think to explain it is for you to google PG County.

A "fat person is fat". Statement of Fact.
"...working class african americans are doing a half assed job of maintaining themselves ..."
All emcompassing generalization.
Do you see my point yet????

Wow... i thought this was really an indictment of african-american materialistic lifestyles that extrahour has been hammering on lately....

What do u think??? Is it true that african americans generally don't like being dark skinned if they can help it?

it seems like it's the working class african americans who are doing the half-assed job of maintaining themselves, their body and their mindsets in a dignified way... but looking at the successful african americans like say... Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett, or Mr and Mrs Obama, they seem to be really classy in a uniquely african american way. Not white, not native american, just uniquely their african american way, am I right??

What do u think??? Is it true that african americans generally don't like being dark skinned if they can help it?

Well of course she didn't mean ALL working class blacks. Really, what is the point of doing that? You already know she nor I meant all of them. She was distinguishing between the working class and the upper class. Upper class obviously has more time, money, resources and incentive to maintain their physical appearances so they're no where near as likely to fall prey to sloth on the matter.

......


It's just lucky for me that the hipster look is fashion here and now and my hair can look like a hot mess and I can call it fashion.

That doesn't really explain only women are given such a hard time about being dark. Darker men aren't looked down on at all really...

That doesn't really explain only women are given such a hard time about being dark. Darker men aren't looked down on at all really...

Physical beauty fades. True beauty is a light in the heart, and endures.

The remembrance and perception of beauty is an interesting phenomenon. I know that it is possible for a woman who was beautiful when young to remain beautiful in the eyes of the man who has loved her for decades. In his eyes she remains forever young.

@ avisitor, i bet u are someone who feels inherently uncomfortable around people of other skin colors than yrs.. the way u get so hung up on things.. i think u need to go to Brazil for a holiday and stop spending so much time surfing AF telling forummers how they should be thinking or saying! you are getting boring post-by-post... *yawn*