I'm here to ask for some advice.

I'm a 5"6' Asian American male, in my last year of university; I've been told that I'm a bit above average in looks. My personality is what we would call 'nice', but I'm not afraid to speak my mind and argue with people. I've had a few dates here and there, but haven't had a real relationship.

I used to blame my race, but can't anymore. A good friend of mine fits my profile to a T, except he's much more outgoing. He's been successful with girls of all races.

Not to generalize, but in my experiences, one thing I've noticed is that different ethnicities value different qualities in guys. Since I sing for a hobby, I've dated a couple Caucasian girls who were also musical. They valued spontaneity, a fun personality, etc... and placed physical connection first. I went home with one the first time we went out, but due to my conservativeness, I wanted to take it slow and didn't try anything, even though she clearly wanted it. I think this turned her off, but whatever.

The Asian girls I've seen, on the other hand, were from Asia. I remember this summer, one was interested in me because of my ambition. I've worked pretty hard to make sure that I have a good future for myself, and after this year, if things go well, I'll be working in a great industry. This 'ambition' impressed her to no end, but we had no physical connection. I also came in with a negative stereotype of girls from overseas as gold-diggers and prestige whores. Sadly, I've seen this stereotype manifest in more girls I knoew from Asia than not.

From what I've seen of the world, and how people respect money and status, it seems I have a few options:

1. Pursue my career, get a fancy @$$ job, make money, and let the rest work itself out. I've never been a materialistic person, as I believe people should see you for who you are and not what you wear/drive. However, even my parents are trying to get me to wear just name-brand clothes. I know they want the best for me, and their rationale makes sense. If dating is a market, then dressing well increases your value as much as makeup, a nice car, being funny, etc...

2. Improve my personality (I'm a quiet type, not b/c I'm antisocial, but b/c a lot of what people say is pointless and redundant), force myself to be more social, and let the rest work itself out. I know I can be social; I was a door to door salesman two summers ago, and I was able to get along with nearly everyone. It's just that most of the time, I think slow in social situations, and can't come up with witty banter on the spot.

3. Try to do both without crashing and burning. To me, activities that supplement one do not supplement the other, unless you count drinking with colleagues, which I don't.

I've also seen the negatives to each option. For the first, you will become a magnet for gold-diggers. I'm fairly adept at figuring out who they are, though, but I do believe its disappointing for the rich and famous that 99% of people are attracted to them for their fame.

For the second, it will take time and growing pains, neither of which I'm sure I have time for this year. I keep busy with classes, work, and extracurriculars.

Any thoughts?

I guess try to attract what pleases who you attract by doing what pleases them or, do what pleases you and be yourself, then you might attract another "you",... but in a female form maybe.
In other words if you want the girls who likes ambition and money, then do it.If you dont like their kind of ambition and money then do somethingelse , theres different types of ambitions , you wont please everyone, do what you love, then you'll find someone who loves doing the same things as you do maybe.

That is if you want someone just like you, or if you want opposite of you then you have to be a little smarter and be a chaser I think and also turn woman down, say no to the wrong ones and go after the right one and if she wants same and you want opposite then your in trouble
lol

Or if your really confused try looking at Horroscope love matches:p whatever your horroscope is theres atleast 3 that would be compatible withyou,if your fire, go with fire, if your water, go with water etc, I think it works, but its not everything.

If you want more flings or if you aren't really ready to marry yet then ambition wins. You will more likely get prettier girls this way too which probably wont be good for marriage.

If you want a long lasting relationship that can lead to marriage, go for personality.

Pursue your career as some careers are known to change your personality. For example, I'm a hitman and I kill people for fun. I used to be like you; weak, frail, short, unattractive and powerless but now I am 6ft tall, fully ripped and live in a huge mansion on top of a skyscraper. So become a hitman like me!

Yes

It is an exceptional quality to have when you are not materialistic. Please continue to cultivate on this by practicing giving. Make small donations to charities when possible as these people are not very fortunate like us. Sometimes we spend money on things that we end up without using them. So make no thoughts when making small donations. Giving will empower you from inside out. And you will be able to project yourself. Will shine through your skin when you truly give with all your heart without expectation in return. Ironically, things will return to you when you don't expect. So please practice giving. Not many people give. That's why it is an exceptional quality because most only think about themselves, their bodies. It is all about them.

The important thing to do is to cultivate real values inside. Values that most people don't honor. Don't limit yourself to just making small donations, but anything you can do to serve others is a giving. It does not have to involve money. So volunteer and community services would be good. You can interact with people through these activities. It's more meaningful.

Hang out with people who can nurture you. This means hang out with good influence. Could be people who are older and experienced. If you are a Buddhist like myself, hang out with Buddhists. There are things out there that can bring joy to you without getting a big headache worrying about the "American Dream" so much. Let things come naturally.

Don't be so absorbed by your environment and your desires (desires to have what others have) so much that you will forget what a genuine human being that you are. In other words, don't be so concerned mentally by your ambition too much and let itself play out. This does not mean you should stop focusing on your career and doing what you are supposed to do.

need a bit of both

variety is the spice of life! so i agree with yana, bit of both!

well since ur short u need to make hella money if u wanna be bangin dime pieces. knaw mean?

You asked for it ...
My advice is to lighten up.
Meeting nice women is easy if you have the right social skills
You meet and talk. Ask questions.
If they want to know what you do or what your ambitions are then side step the question
Talk about other things
If they get hung up on the money aspect then .. bye, bye
If you get along then sooner or later ... if all goes well ...
You will want to share everything else about your life (money and all).

So, get to know the girls first ... then you can make a decision later
But, remember that college is a time for getting yourself ready to earn for the rest of your life
Don't waste the time chasing tail

I would suggest to do both but focus on the first option: your career. People come and go but you're going to be stuck with what ever situation you put yourself in. This doesn't mean your career supersedes relationships, in fact most of the time your career will guide you to groups of people your going to get along with the most, and probably meet girls from or extensions of those groups. Plus you can never take the human element out of your life because it'll start to distort your way of thinking if your constantly working. The balance is relative so you're the only one who can figure it out.

I have same feeling in general, girls grew up in western countries tends to value talent, while girls who grew up in asian values money and status

I think you're right to think that there's a bigger market for rich guys in asia, if you like girls from asia, it's best for you to get a lucrative job.

So it really depends on your environment.... and the kind of girls you are trying to impress

working on your talents puts you in a niche market, there're less demand and also less supply.
It could be a more interesting life to live

how do girls in the west care about talen? what kind of talent
what u mean by talent

..why........just.....


....GOD BOSCO.....sdfhoujafaklj

Girls in the west fancy stars, like people who are popular and can play the guitar, people who are arrogant, they think rich people are boring

Girls in asia fancy guys who have status, like wearing famous brands, plays golf, working as an accountant etc .... they think talented people are poor

lmao!

Damn, that's so cold!

thats more like..trying too hard to be accepted...that would be lame

You might as well improve on both. Having a career is more important b/c you will need money to survive even if you don't care about materialism. At the same, people with social skills are more likely to get job promotions. Believe it or not, a lot of American managers would rather keep the regular sociable guy over the smart hardworking anti-social guy.

$hit, what a long read :-p
Your description of Caucasion vs Asian has been spot on I think. At the end of it all, it depends on what you want and it may not come down to race. You just want a girl who you're compatible with, somebody who likes you for you. It can't be that hard surely? And the white girls who wanted to take it quicker than you did, well not all whites are like that. Honestly there's a guy who used to tell me to put on more clothes around him whenever I stayed over at his, it made him uncomfortable or whatever, scared to actually touch me in bed and stuff...meh..you have a wide range of people. Unfortunately, Asian girls going for ambition and money potential? That's just life. I would do the same except, I'd probably earn just as much so it's more of a wanting to have a husband at the same level at the least.

You can always go for the Asian girls who have ambition themselves too? That way, the two of you can conquer the world and it wouldn't be a case of gold diggin you