Would you date a divorcee? or even marry a divorcee?

Divorce is a big no no in our culture, but there are so many divorcees out there.
Will you marry a divorcee?

I'm kind of a weirdo so I'm pretty sure I won't.

But as far as my opinion, it doesn't matter. I don't shun it. Sometimes things don't work out...So long as they don't have a re-curring problem.

I think dates are ok, but I sometimes wonder what people would think of me. So when it comes to dating divorcees, I'm hesitant and will most likely not get involve.

And marriage? That's out of the question; If I can marry a divorcee, I rather marry a super cornstar.=] Because it's better to know that they used to do that for a living pleasuring people and they're proud of what they do.lol Because the general consensus on divorcees is that they have a hand in their own failed marriage. Not everyone is innocent.

Statistically, the more divorces you have the more likely you are to divorce your spouse in your next marriage. Sometimes a divorce just happens...sometimes people just aren't compatible with one another...you can't force two people to stay together when they don't want to be...even for the sake of the children, especially here in America where everyone is so individualistic and seek out their own happiness...

Like in most Asian cultures, it's the woman that get most of the blame for a failed marriage...even if she is abused and wants to get divorce, it's usually her who the community will backtalk about and ostracize...but again both can just as easily be at fault.

For me I think it depends...I know if I ever dated a divorced man, most people will talk...If i truly loved him, learned about his past, and he was that special and I knew he and I would be together for the rest of our lives...maybe...just maybe...but then he would have to very special...when and if I do marry it's gotta be forever...divorce will not be an option...at least I hope, Lol.

What if the divorcee was a victim of abuse or infidelity? Meaning it was not really their fault...

If the guy is blatantly at fault, the women usually find another husband quick if she has a good reputation.

The thing is, how will you know that... Divorce and relations always takes two to tangle, there's no way of knowing whom is actually at fault.

Bioshock,

How will you know he be someone special? People will always wear their best mask to get your trust and when you give in, that's when you start to see the undesirables. By then, it's too late, damage has already been done.

yajthaugluv,

I'm a girl so I like to dream...I also like to see the best of people...but I am also level headed too...someone special...it's innate, it's like an instinct...something like love where you can't control your heart, emotions, and sometimes even your head...sorry, never been in love so I can't really answer you, just hear it from ppl...you sound like a great guy...I'm sure that special girl will find you soon and you'll fall head over heels for her...just gotta be more open-minded and not so harsh about life...

You're right, people wear their best masks to cover up flaws and their true selves, often times it's just insecurities... but there also some great people out there...seems like you like only pointing out the cruel and mean people of this world...never get to know the wonderful people of this world if you always think everyone is out to get you...

Back to reality...I know there's lots of messed up people out there but ya just gotta pick out the better of people to befriend. Again, never find that special someone if ya don't takes chances...I know if they end up breaking your heart or losing your trust... you'll be devastated...but hey, at least you learn to not make the same mistakes but please don't be so negative about life...makes me wanna turn emo with you, haha.

Everyone do dream and do have desires to want to fall for a person. Love that you can't control your emotions, your head, and your heart? I can only hope you find that out with the right person and not someone who's an opportunist. Because good instincts are useless, it takes real instincts build from real experience to give you a chance other than that, you're really left to luck.

I'm sure there are great people out there and it is like you say, I only knew of the cruel world. Whether people see as being closed minded or taking people harshly it doesn't really concern or bother me. Just goes to show that people have different standards and different class. As for thinking that people are out to get me? That's the last thing on my mind.lol

Taking chances, that's something that every person will have to decide for themselves. Without it, like you say, it really takes people nowhere or find the right person. Truth is, there isn't a right person in the world, it all depends on chance. Deciding to take chances on messed up people is up to the individual to come to terms with him/herself whether class/status matters. When it comes to devastation? Who can afford that? But perhaps it's becoming the norm, it really don't matter for people anymore eh? Don't forget, you're living in a men' world, and it's full of double standards. A divorce men isn't view by society as bad as a divorce women. Being single is already hard enough, but becoming divorce is even worst... My personal opinion is, I would like to avoid that taking necessary measures.

yajthaugluv, you sound like an experienced gent who perhaps has seen his fair share of heartbreaks from conniving ladies who perhaps seemed better than what they really were at first glance...forgive me for my ignorance...I'm really naive about relationships, I've lived a very sheltered life and am still a college kid...those were just my random thoughts of what I think of divorced people and if I would ever take my chances on a divorcee. Everyone, especially Hmong people, don't want their marriage to ever end in divorce. Only the cheaters and messed up ppl would want such a fate.

It's good that you still want to fall for a special person, seeing such cruelty in this world already. Yes, do pray for me to find that special man who isn't an opportunist...I grew up with my father and brothers who have spoiled me...so I assume most men are also kind...I know that's not true, I have enough intelligence to know that all people can be both nice and bad. However, I do still believe that there are some genuinely good men out there who are non-opportunists, who also just want what I want--a healthy relationship and happy marriage.

Your style of direct and harsh talking is kinda cool...I like it, reminds me of cruel reality. No person in this world is perfect...you think you've found the most suitable person for you...yet there's probably someone better out there that is even more compatible with you...that's were infidelity and messing around comes in if you're married, lol. Yes, I agree life is all about chances...but it's also about opportunities and choices too.

I see your point, so you think everyone is messed up?...gotta agree with you there, I'm pretty messed up sometimes too, lol. Again it's like I said...I'll take my chances on this messed-up man, learn from those mistakes to better myself as an individual, suffer the devastation, suffer the double standards if he is that special...than going the rest of my life without knowing the answer to the question of 'what if'...if he was a divorced man...like I said I would think it through more carefully than if he was fresh meat, lol...

Everyone has opinions and I respect yours, it's highly admirable to restrain yourself from taking such risky chances and such emotions...that's cool that you roll like that... it's different.

Well you dont know that... thats why you get to know the person and then decide. I am aware it takes two to tango, however people dont always get out of an abusive relationship quick, abusers lower the self esteem of a person making them stick in the situation longer.

Let's take our chances together

I've ran out of emoticons to use on you, lol so this picture is just for you lilasiankid, don't you feel special?

lol what the heck?!

Ignorance? No; naive in the realm of relationships, yes. Like you say, you're sheltered by your family and probably have never seen your friends or someone close to you being exploited for their pure heart. It's usually the good people that end up taken advantage off.

Experience, once is far too many, it had made me into the monster I'm today.lol The rest really comes from just observing people and close friends. After seeing enough relationships fall apart and people at faults, you just kind of start profiling people and your views of them gets more critical. It's more of a self protection mechanism that one develops. Purpose of that is so people that fall under certain categories are weed it out and allow others with a common interest and value to be cultivated.

I'm sure not every couple wants a divorce but because of certain individuals incapability to maintaining self control and order in their life that allows their marriage to fall apart. In life, we all have urges and temptations, this is where we have to think with our heads and not with our feelings. I don't know about women, but we men are opportunist at heart, we secretly lusts women.lol If we think with our feelings, or go with our temptation/urge, we bang every chick with the slightest interest in us. Because we think we can get away with it without anyone knowing...

Direct and harsh talking is cool and reminds you of a "Cruel Reality" show?lol I've never seen that show but I probably would see eye to eye with what it presents. And yes, you'd made me realize that I'm extremely ignorant in the realm of good. I've made a crusade to attacking everything bad and undesirable in the world but forget to encourage the good and desirable things. There are more good people than bad people in the world, but I guess I got carried away by focusing on the bad stuff. And I don't believe that everyone is messed up. I believe that most everyone is and just less people with a sense of decency. Young people are just not like their parents or grandparents before them. They just don't have any values...

And funny pix... Didn't you say you wan to take a chance with someone special? I don't know LilAznkid personally but he'll make a fine man if you would just give em a chance. Every person is special in their own ways.

But I'm just kidding of course!

Yeah, I guess I should feel fortunate to not see such exploitation and manipulation happen in front of my eyes...but from far away, I've seen relatives' whose marriages have fallen apart but I'm not close to them so I can't really relate to them. When I was a kid, my aunt was abused during her marriage...she packed up her kids and went to a woman's shelter...eventually divorced her abusive husband...went back to live with my granny with her two young kids...I know lots of people judged her...heck, my own granny and uncles (my aunt's own brothers) cursed her every so often, said she's bad luck...she finally remarried last year to a divorced man...seems to be happy now. Felt lots of pity for her for all those years she was living with my granny and uncles and having the whole community scrutinize her like that when the broken marriage wasn't really her fault...I think it started because her ex-hubby began cheating on her and she started to confront him...but she's doing fine now, all those years just made her grow as a person with thicker skin, heck, she traveled to most of Asia, finished college, remarried, got her degree and her kids are now lively preteens...I guess she can laugh at her ex-hubby now...he's really gotten nowhere compared to her.

Oh, I understand now...yes, self protection mechanism to protect oneself makes sense...I guess I would have an even harsher view on life than you if I went through and saw what you've seen cuz I'm quite stubborn. Women, well the soft-hearted ones like me...I guess we think more with our hearts than brains most of the times...that's why we're so emotional sometimes...that's cuz again I'm sheltered and not very "experienced" if I was I would probably play with many men's hearts like it's nothing and see pleasure in that, lol.

Yeah, it's just that I'm such a weird and hopeful person...good that I sprinkled some happiness onto you, lol...actually you've made me realize that life isn't all smiles...I gotta say I'm far more ignorant of the bad stuff in this world. Have been blessed so far with a loving family and friends, never really experienced true hardship...I need to be more cautious and not be so trusting of others and wanted to seek the good in them all the time...cuz like you said, most people are messed up, they put on a mask and ya never know what their true intentions are...might turn out to be a really evil person, who knows...always better to be safe than sorry, right? Yeah, young people these days have less decency and values than our folks...it's cuz they're becoming more Americanized, can't really stop it but if they're smart...they'll learn and know what's appropriate and not...sometimes I think it takes time for them to grow up.

Yeah, really awesome pic, eh?...just found it, haha when i was looking up 'kick @$$' pictures, funny it happened to be a Miao girl with a gun

Haha, are you crazy? j/k lilasiankid and me? funniest thing ever...a relationship based off AF?! lol. Oh, lilasiankid is a great guy. Don't tell him I told you that...he's probably gonna read this and rub it in my face but whatever. Yeah, he's very, very special...special enough to compete in the Special Olympics that's for sure! He told me he turned into a beast just like how you say you've turned into a monster, lol. Men...always turning into mythological creatures, geesh! Naw, I don't think there's anything between us...we're just internet buddies, lol...anyways, he's got a great gal he's been lusting after for awhile now, far better than boring old me any day. He probably thinks I'm weird...someone who loves to laugh too much for her own good. Don't mind him, he's just...silly.

Yes, not every divorcee is a bad person. But I can't say so about the younger generations. Like you once mention before, people here in the US mature too slowly. So instead of helping themselves out, they choose to party and have fun after becoming single again. Instead of using their divorce as an opportunity to better themselves and to restart their life like your aunt they choose the lively route. If that isn't bad enough, they also have bad taste in men which only lead them to more troubles.

And speaking of having bad taste, I hate that the most. Like your uncle, I see my younger sister as bad news too even though she's not married. Just having a different guy over to the house really bugs the hell out of me.lol Because to me, it's not necessary to warrant or have somebody you just met come over to meet the family. The worst part is, someone with no ettique. It's like being "kaydoo" people.

You being a lot harsher?lol It's hard for me to see you becoming harsh given that you had undergone similar experiences. Perhaps it will change yourself a little but you'll still have that positive and hopeful outlook in life.=] Being emotional is what make us human and it isn't just a women thing along, we men are also emotional creatures. We just don't like to show them, we cry in silence and in private.lol

If you were experienced you would toy with men and take pleasure in it?lol Again, it's hard to see someone with a pure heart to do that. I always stand by and believe that "It's always hard to do bad", born a pure heart. You can only be exploited and abuse but not the other way around. This is something that people see me as a weirdo. Because
people believe that it's easier to do bad then good. You do good but people don't praise, you do 1 thing bad and suddenly the whole world knows about it. There is truth to this, but at the individual level, that's my will and my belief.

And yes, I don't think you're a weirdo. You you grew up sheltered and was fortunate to not be exposed to the cruel world so being a hopeful and positive person is how a person outta be. It's just normal. I, on the other hand is a complete opposite. I didn't grew up sheltered and life was a struggle so I tend to be borderline pessimistic. Of course, doesn't mean that pessimists don't have hopes or positive thoughts in life, we do, but it's tugged away in a safe place where we can reminiscences when we're down.lol And the only way to protect oneself is to really be careful with people, whom to trust and whom not to.

I don't blame the young people becoming Americanize that made them shameless people. Americans used to have values similar to our folks too but the lack of discipline in society give rise to shamelessness. And that's just what Hmong people and many others are going through. Marital dispute is a multibillion dollar business, it's good for the government and good for business. This is why people are shameless...

Yes, truly awesome pix!

Anything can developed into something right? And it doesn't matter where, whether on AF, or elsewhere...=] Who knows, he might just be the one.lol Although he may have someone else to pursue but you may never know, he might just get tired of the long chase and prefers someone "boring" he can have. Life isn't always about excitement and fun, life is about companionship whether its with a not so exciting person but a productive and meaningful life.

Yes, having talent to compete in the special olympic made him special.

Bioshock, if you don't give me a chance, the only mythical creature I'll turn into is a fairy.

yajthaugluv, ya ever tried talking some sense into your sister? I understand where you're coming from...it's really her choice cuz it's her life but as a brother I guess you could try to sway her to make better choices in life, especially about such serious issues like picking out a life partner.

Yes, I understand you men like to hide your emotions and cry in silence, lol. I'm just kidding, I would never toy with men's hearts, don't even know how to talk to men, haha. The whole nature vs. nurture thing to me is always confusing...never really know if we are all born with pure hearts and get corrupted by our surroundings or if we are really born screwed up and are forced to be obedient through learning and modeling our elders. But that's a nice view you have there, believing we're born good and then are later exploited by others. Yes, definitely, doing bad stuff is fun and far easier than doing good things.

Yeah, especially in the Hmong community...people have such good memory...you do one little thing that's bad and people will always hold that bad thing against you...even if you do a hundred good things to try to make up for it. That's why ya gotta learn to develop a thick skin and let petty things slide every now and then.

You're right, those lawyers, case workers, and courtrooms, heck most of the government wouldn't be doing business if those people weren't divorcing and doing shameless stuff like that, lol. Wow, just realized what a good advice giver you are, yajthaugluv...ya got some great life experience there... thanks for sharing them...really appreciate them.

Yeah, anything can happen...but I know lilasiankid is just foolin' around...I don't even think he likes me at all. If ya wanna know why he's such a joker and a shameless flirt, you should ask him yourself, lol.



lilasiankid, I'd love see to you turn into a half-beast, half-fairy creature like these two...betcha could if ya tried really hard. Please just for me?




I'm j/k...I already told you that it's impossible for beasts to turn into fairies, even in the most bizarre fairy tales and myths...maybe into a handsome prince like in Beauty and the Beast...but you don't qualify because you wanna turn into a fairy and not a prince, LOL.

Folks that are shameless, you really can't change them or pursuade them because like what you said about being their own life. That much I understand and that's what she'll be telling anyone whom disapprove her ways or tries to give her advice. And the stupid thing is, these people still have the face to come crawling back to their family when they find themselves in a wreck. Even though, I got a long way to become a parent myself or maybe not, I finally understood why white American parents kick their kids off their home at the age of 18. This is something Hmong parents don't have the stomache for and let their kids do whatever they pleases. This attitude about "this is my life and not yours," needs to stop because this is where everyone messed up on with their life. And yes, I'm done talking to her, all she need it now is a harsh life then maybe she'll come to her senses.


Don't know how to talk to men? You're not the only one. I don't know how to talk to a women either.lol But I believe AznKid does, all those little posts are professional... =]

I haven't experienced anything in life yet, it's just what society led me to believe. In other words, it's only a theory.

If he has seen you, he probably do like you; why else would he be a fly over dungs for?lol Nah, I think I know how Aznkid is...

Yup, gotta agree with you on that...my parents sometimes threaten us kids...says they should act like White parents more...but they never do it though, lol. Yeah, perhaps she should just learn the hard way...it'll definitely make her come to her senses and finally grow up like you've said.

Yeah, lilasiankid is a professional flirt...he should go into the business of helping other men get the ladies, much like Will Smith in Hitch, LOL. No he hasn't seen me...I would probably run away from him if I ever saw him...seems like a maniac and creeper...judging by his posts, he's a real pimp and playa, don't cha think, lol?

I am just a strange, sad, little man

Some divorcee's are better people than someone who's never been married. I wouldn't shun them so hard, you may end up being one in the future yourself. You need to look at each divorcee as an individual and consider their unique circumstances. Many are bad, some are good and better people than you or I. Let's not judge and be so critical when we are not at the prime of our life yet and anything is still possible. Should others judge us then? when that time comes?