Do you belive arrange marriage last longer than love marriage in india? do you think that arrange marriage is fair?

What percentage of India's married couples is matched by their families? What factors do Indian parents consider when arranging a marriage for their children? What are the differences between an arranged marriage and a "love marriage"? According to the video, why is the rate of divorce in India less than in the U.S.?

Arranged marriages are common, if not the dominant form of match making and pairing. By default, arranged marriages are the way things are done. Nowadays, people often date before marriage (mostly outside of India). Love marriages are considered a shame, as they are done without proper agreement between to families and whatnot.

I don't have the statistics with me right now, I'll post them if I ever find them......

arranged marrages is very common in india. i think i read somewhere that upto 95% of all marrages are arranged. and its important to realize that these marrages usually (not saying always) last longer cause divorce is seen as higly unfavourable...not neccessary because they work.

as to which is better i would have to say "love marriage" cause at the end of the day if u want to be with someone for the "rest of ur life" u better do it cause u love him or her.....marrying someone cause ur parents or whoever say its a good match seems complety wrong to me.

arranged marriage probably lasts longer year

this is just a theory, but maybe it is because if the woman in the relationship wants divorce, the husband will cut her head off, or something...

again, just a theory...

wtf?

What country does that happen in?.......

that's a pretty stereotypical and prejudiced idea don't u think?


seriously just because something is different than what we are used to it doesn't means that it's barbaric or bad

actually it is surprising in asia arranged marraiges work quite well but then wen ppl form there move here it all falls apart cause ppl realise thy have freedom of choice and their parents are no longer here hahah.....but i no that inda and pak are definately getting out of the arranged marraige stuff....sloooooooooly but surely

to contrary i kinda think it is increasing. well in a different way.

I mean if you look, there are so many matrimonial sites now . So, ppl are looking over online now.

So arranged marriage is increasing, but so is non-arranged marriages.

One of my cousin bro is getting married. It was kinda arranged and parents introduced them and he and the girl dated for a while and then were ok for marriage.

So, i guess it is like that now

issues bro. so quick to magnify the bad. you have a bad character.

2=1

About 65% of India's married couple is matched by their families I guess.......well there could be many but a few to name..... For the male.....education/ secure job/and to a good extend a responsible person with family values and respect for oneself and for others.......and for the female.....some education/family responsibities/and values.......and most of all patience/love and care.......well the difference between arranged and love marriage is almost the same as far as both families agree and respect their wish and desire to join them in marriage......since we do not have the living to gather or a boy friend girl friend relationship.....I dont see much difference in love and arrangemarriage......because we live in a marriage protected society our marriages last for ever and have less intention and desires for seperations or divorce.I think this answers most of the questions..thank you

Arguing that arranged marriages are better than love marriages with reference to the skyrocketing divorce rates in the US, UK and many Protestant countries in the world is WRONG. The reason for the divorce rates being so high, especially in the US are:

1. American mentality is to customize life according to their own liking, and less to others liking.

2. American view of marriages is skewed (not for everyone, but for a lot of them): If you were to ask a married American man as to what he thinks about his married life, he's very likely to say "I'm married, so I'm practically stuck to her for life (or until I quit), and she'll beat the living crap out of me if she catches me screwing my secratary, even if it's just a one night stand!!!"
rather than saying "we fell in love with each other, but more importantly we enjoyed and still enjoy every minute we spend with each other talking about our likes, dislikes, views, difficulties, issues etc. and we always work out some solution - we have two wonderful kids and I am satisfied that I have found such a wonderful woman".

3. In America, married couples are not bound to each other by any external agent other than their own love for one another. So even if there are any issues which surface that can spoil their relationship, then most couples just split up, as the decision only affects them (there are also people who are more responsible and understanding, who talk to each other, consult their parents or a marriage counselor and somehow work it out). Whereas, in case of an arranged marriage, when the couple come to face such issues (which happens in all such marriages too), they somehow put up with it or work it out, either for the sake of their kids or mainly because their parents have already gone with the business (dowry) and a split-up/divorce would cause a lot of violence amongst & between the families, due to business misunderstanding etc.

4. Catholic countries (like Italy) which follow love marriages, have been very succesful in their marriage system, but that is mainly because Catholics do not believe in divorce (or even know what it means), so somehow they always compromise and work out things. Whereas, Protestants (US, UK, Germany etc.) believe in divorce & remarriage system. That's why the divorce rates are very high in these countries.

You make good points. Does anyone have statistics on divorce rates in Catholic countries vs. Protestant ones?

arrange marriages might coerce people to stay intact...but the question is it such a good relationship?

i'm sure deep inside many arranged brides and grooms, they're seeking to find out some sort of independence and regret.

Arranged marriages where both the girl and boy agree last longer and pass with ease.
That's what I think

You can find out divorce statistics via google. Go to sites like divorcemag.com where they have the list of countries and their respective divorce rates. Look at countries such as Italy and Poland & compare them to USA, UK etc.

A few more points on arranged marriages:

I think arranged marriages make perfect sense only in a caste or class system - and this is how royal European dynasties were built upon and carried over from generation to generation. The prince will only marry another princess or someone of high royal standng (whether out of love or arrangement) - and will never marry someone 'below' his class like a noble or slave, under the firm belief in maintaining their royal purity & wanted his children to have pure 'royal blood'. And a lot these marriages were arranged upon money and property, especially nobles, who used to acquire villages and towns via an arranged marriage with the daughters of the village/town landlord or 'top person' & thus help in extending their dynasty, in terms of wealth and consequently, power. The Roman empire is an excellent example of it.

Nowadays, there are hardly any such dynasties in power. Although a lot of princes do go for arranged marriages, it's of very little concern to the world.

I'm an American, older, divorced, had several relationships after a fairly long and pretty good marriage, but I just gave up on anyone who was brought up in the US of I. Not only is the US the loneliest country I know of (everyone sitting in autonomous space distant from everyone else like a Dr. Seuss situation) but the level of selfishness and self expectation here is unbelievable. The only option, it seemed to me was that I could stand next to the (American) woman holding a tray while she gazed into the mirror.
I married a girl from Vietnam where the women are not brought up to hate (white) men like the women of US, Latin, etc. are. India was a consideration but the women seemed so bossy...
This woman, (who and who's family approached me through a relative that I was close to over here) is no maid, no servant, but the nicest person I've ever known and I love her dearly. Her work ethic is a little scary but she has breathed new live in me. I look out for her and her interests, like seriously learning her language, no easy task etc., follow her religion...
In the arranged marriage, the house is already built. The hearth (fire) is what needs to be lit, but it can burn in a nice house. In a love union, the fire is there but the secure house is what has to be built----before the wind blows it out!
I can hardly even talk to American women. They all seem so queer, blimped out and they think they deserve everything. What they deserve is to pay for their own liposuction and go away!

I'm glad you're happy with your Vietnamese wife But yeah, that's where the grave differences arise between American and traditional Asian women - the former are very self-centered and have too much expectations, while the latter are very forebearing and tolerant of abuse.

Even yesterday night, my Gujarati roommate (he had an arranged marriage) had a bad fight with his wife over the phone, which laster for an hour or two. Eventually, evrything calmed down - but I was just shocked by how they fought, as I never seen him fight with me or my other friends, as much as he fought with his wife. At the end of it, I asked about how everything went & tried consoling him... but then he told me "Why are you so worried about this, dude? Wait until you get married, and then you'll realize... it's just a part of everyday life I know you are finding it rather hard when you look from an outsiders view, but once you're into it - you'll eventually get used to it."

I was kinda amazed (since I have a pretty much westernized upbringing) at the way they handled it, as I tried explaining that he was lucky to have got a traditional wife and vice versa, as if either one of you had been an American (born and raised), the very next moment, you would have filed for separation or divorce. He said "abey yaar, yeh kya bakwaas kar raha hai? ("what's with all this crap you're talking about?") - why do you even think about divorce??? It is very bad and evil! Marriage is like sacred and spiritual - a divorce is evil, we should never ever ever even think about something like that. No matter what happens after marriage, whether your partner turns out abusive or even if you're not having a good sexual life, you still have to put up with it. Don't even raise the evil word again, OK?"

technolickingkitty

i suggest you get a life, caz i dont know whats so sterotyping in what i asked,
u seem bored "tum chudail ho"

yes, I also feel, in a way, the arranged marriages last longer. It the parents choice and the they feel that have found the best match for their children. The children also feel the same , so they try thier best to make it work if it means living in a subdued, compromising manner. But the trend nowadays is changing.. Todays generation is far more aware, well brought up, higly qualified and take the stance of finding their own spouses.. They also take responsiblitiy of their own decisions and may also divorce if they feel they are not compatible in any way.

i believe in arranged marriages... although i wouldn't want it for myself.. just 'cause i'd feel more comfortable in finding a guy on my own.

My indian friends look at it as a last resort.. they say that if they don't find a hubby by the age of 25, they will opt for an arranged marriage. As long as people are given the right to choose, then i don't see a problem with it.

Yeah true although arranged marriages aren't forced on people nowadays in India. I think this has always been the case specially in built areas in rural areas it might be forceful. I think it don't matter whether you meet your future partner in a club, commerce lecture or introduced by parents what matters is the connection between the two and it has worked for most South Asian marriages I know off. I know an elder mate of mine who went through the process of arranged marriages and him and his partner had the choice whether to continue or not. Today all I can say is they have been happily married since 2001 and they show no signs of splitting up geez I hope not.

if they both never feel in love before than yes i think arranged marry would work...but if they have someone in mind already than no i think it would not work....however it's just my opinion cuz sometime things just don't work out....

you know what's interesting... people who get married as a result of arranged marriages, do not usually have boyfriend or girlfriend relationships prior.. so there isn't anyone used for comparisons when meeting their suitors..

but those who look for 'the one' by dating, may date a fair few before settling down and getting married..

the dating scene is alot harder and requires more work..

no point.. just rambling..

it's their life the do whatever they want with it...but you make me think they are two desperate person.....

really? that's not what i was thinking, nor what i was setting out on doing..

^
well that's just my opinion....i reallly don't know it depends on them.....if they llike that person or not...

yeah well that's exactly what i said..

i just added that arranged marriages may be alot easier than going out there and looking for your own husband or wife.

say ur parents set u up with this girl/guy and u find u dont feel any chemistry or attraction with that person, u'll be forced to love that person maybe

I guess whether ya meet up in a club/pub or introduced by your parents I think what really matters is the connection. Just as long as both female and male have a say in the arranged marriage relationship I see no problems with it.

The usual opinion is that arranged marriages happen only in the east but this was not always so arranged marriages were happening even in Victorian Europe. With the industrial revolution and the end of the 2 world wars people's attitudes and perceptions started changing as women started to join the workforce and they started to demand for their rights. In England for example most of the kings and queens had arranged marriages up until King George V the present Queen Elizabeth's father broke tradition by marrying a commoner. Besides popular love lore like Soni Mahiwal, India always had a long tradition of arranged marriages. With the advent of the British, and the subsequent introduction of British education system more Indians got educated. These educated Indians in turn started to send their children to school and tried to educate their wives at home. The cause of women's education and rights were also very much espoused by our social reformers. In spite of this the institution of arranged marriage persisted. Education and exposure to the media, started to make people to think and realize they need not be bound by tradition and they can choose their own marital partners without having to rely on parents, matchmakers, relatives or having to consult astrologers. This gave rise to love marriages. Currently in our country we have arranged as well as love marriages taking place.

is argued that love marriages offer more independence and freedom as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents so there is pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows.

Not all love marriages have happy endings. Sometimes discord arises even in love marriages. In the west girls who are fat find it difficult to find suitable dates. There is pressure on the women to conform to conventional male ideas of beauty where women have to be tall and slim with hourglass figures. These kinds of attitudes and perspectives have not only created the kinds of conditions which I described above but are also responsible for women suffering a lot of pain and rejection. Beauty contests and the popular Barbie doll with its model of a doll with supermodel's figure have been accused of reinforcing this mindset. These kinds of pressures would just increase as society gets more modern and technology advances. Then, would women who refuse to conform get left behind? This made me wonder for a moment that maybe society should switch back to arranged marriages from love marriages since this pursuit for perfection in beauty would increase as society changes. On the positive side all this has also led to the feminist movements in the west. Women have come out of the closet refusing to be mere sexual objects pandering to male ideas of beauty.

Coming to arranged marriages, they offer more protection, security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models. Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children. Sometimes it helps to rely on another person's opinion and experience when selecting one's partner especially when the people marrying are young and need guidance and advice in marrying a suitable person.

This does not mean arranged marriages are the ideal sort of marriages. Having an arranged does not mean that the married couple remains happily ever after or that there is harmony in the relationship. Women have been known to stay on in abusive relationships for the sake of family pride, respect in society etc. Even in an arranged marriage there is a different sort of pressure to be fair-skinned and beautiful. In India the evil of dowry, caste and community issues and the concept of matching horoscopes, sometimes taken to its extreme levels have contributed much to the argument against arranged marriages.

It becomes difficult therefore to predict the ideal sort of marriage. So ultimately it is up to the individual to decide whether he wants to have a love or an arranged marriage after all it is a question of being happy in love.



The surprising fact is that arranged marriages last much longer than those which are the happy outcomes of romantic love. Moreover: the longer a couple cohabitates prior to their marriage, the higher the likelihood of divorce.

^^Where did you copy & paste that from ???

I CAN't wait till i get married!

Divorce is rarer in societies where women don't earn income.

Y u ask?


Y?

I'll let you cook n clean for me as to get some training before hand.