How do you feel about being forced to marry someone you barely know, or someone you don't like? would you do it? WHy or whY not?

How do I feel?

I feel like this is getting old, very old. Although I am a traditionalist, there are some things that need to be changed, especially in America. And this is one of those things.

It's bad enough that the U.S. divorce rates are 1 out of 2 already, but to put two human beings together who don't know, love, care for each other together and expect them to work everything out, is too naive.

Sure our parents did it that way, but that's what they knew. That's what was the 'trend' at the time. In America, we 'youngsters' have grown up in a different society with different outlooks on life. My parents got married because they had to, but they worked hard to make it work. They didn't exactly want to get married but it was more out of necessity than love.

So I ask, why let your son, daughter, sibling marry someone who they know almost nothing about and not love? Let them make their mistakes and they will learn from it. I've seen many acquaintances who have unsuccessful marriage because of forced marriage. I've also seen many acquaintances who have ended up in divorce even though they were in 'love'.

So this is a personal preference. I would just prefer to not subject my siblings, kids, etc. to the 'divorced' list.

My 2 cents.

My Aunt was actually forced to be married to this one guy her parents loved. They're still together today though. I really like the guy..He's smart and nice..May I add good looking too

Wow...Than there's no complaint right?

since you all know i'm dating a mix girl

My parents whom recently found out....are lecturing me
about "don't worry son we'l find you a nice and prudy hmong girl"

So quit Dating your ugly balck girl!!!

....I'm like why do i sense force marriage.....even if they try to force
me....heck Over my dead body they will......hahah...no one can force me
to marry any girl...i swear too heaven and hell

anyways tha'ts my thought

The "Force" runs strong in our people.....

Hey bro did you tell them she was HALF Hmong? Wonder what they said about that..

Forced marriages used to work, but that was because if the girl refused, she couldn't go back home. She'd have no rights, no support and no where to turn. So she can't refuse.

But in America, it won't work, because she can get a divorce, move out, find a job, support herself and sue for alimony.

So, I don't believe in forced marriages anymore either. My kids will marry whoever they want, but only after they reach a certain age (I don't want no 16 year old married son or daughter).

Force marriages as a hmong american..... it's soooo overrated!!!

man if im force marry ill be like f that im outta hea

Not if you were forced to marry someone hot.

^^^ahhaha..that is so true

Yeah...I wouldn't back out of that. Haha

Like I've said, if you don't want to be force than stop putting yourself in that vulnerable position. If you can't stop, well...tough luck, you got what you wanted.

shet if u don't wanna marry to the person your mama and pop point to, you got your rights! this is america u can fight for your freedom.. to love or not to love! grrr

hell no..no one is gonna force me to marry someone i dun want to....i mean.....with all due respect to my parents...but if they force me then i would runaway, even if they think it's in my best interest but i know my parents wouldn't do taht to me......but i do know this girl here...she was like 15 and her parents forced her to marry some really old guy...i think he was like 40 or something...that's just gross....

yea, it's so out-dated in my family that i can't even imagine it happening to me.

my mom may want and persist me to marry/date someone she likes but she woudn't force me.


it's different growing up in america so i don't know if it happens to often.

If you are decent and a good girl, you shouldn't have to worry about that. I don't get you women, complaining about it like it's going to happen to you. It only happens to the worst...disobedian ones. And I say they sure deserved it. Yes, not only that but the guy paid a terrible price for his mistakes too. It's a fair game!
Cause you're screw anyways...

i dont have to worry about it, cause i dont think my mommy will force me to marry someone i barely know, or someone i have no feelings for. she's a good mother, so she wont be like other dumb mothers we have out there.
on the other hand, if my mom actually forces me to marry some stranger, then hell no i wont....not going to ever happen

are you guys talking about force marriage or arrange marriage.....when it comes to arrange marriage, i would appeal to that...but i think force marriage is a good way to keep the kids in line dont you guys think so, or is everyone ok with the idea of having sexual relationships before marriage. Yes, i understand that just because two people went out doesnt mean they will have sex, its just that im a guy and i know wat goes on when people go sometimes...hahaha...wat r your opinions on that.....?

Force marriage, where a guy takes a girl out and you know, didn't come home until midnight or who knows when. That's when her parents respond with force. That's what I was trying to tell them people who disagrees with force marriage. It's there to keep kids in line. Not to force kids out of line.

My opinion,

I think you're one sick minded person. haha:) j/k Yes, I know what goes around too. And that's usually the case with force marriages.

you know what they say....

So...She still Mexican Black she more of that then she is Hmong
Can she even speak Hmong

No

so yeah...u get my point

if you're talking about that then my parents would ask if i wanted to be married or be ruined...than they probably force me and him to marry. of course i wouldn't put myself in that situation in the first place so this question wouldn't matter.

Good so is it still wrong to be force? It's wrong to snug out of bed too you know. It's fair and square. haha

There is no such thing as a force marriage in Hmong Culture! There is such as thing as putting pressure on a girl or guy to marry a certain individual. If they don't, they lose the support of the family. Know your culture. If a girl do not want to marry a guy, in the meeting, she can at all time and is asked most of the time if she wants him. If your family is putting pressure on you to marry a person and you don't want to, just say so over and over again. They can disown you. You shouldn't care, who needs a family or relative like those anyway. All other relative will look down on them. Know your culture folks or ask.

eh... i dunno... why're we talking about marrying ppl by force anywayse?? someone getting forced or something??? well.. w/e... our parents still see everything throught their eyes in thailand/laos... so yea.. always comparing US kids.. to HTT kids.... and they make those htt kids sound soo much better... they juss need to know that this is america.. and not thailand... or w/e they live... nobody needs to get forced... unless you were chained to ur room... and yea.. but thats juss sad...

I wouldn't marry a women if I'm being force to marry her. F_ck it. I swear I'm gonna tell her parents if you make me marry her , I"m gonna cheat and give a $hit about her. Cuzz I dont love her and that I'm being force to marry her. I dont love her. I say that right to their dam Face. I call the cops on them too, telling the cops that they forcing their daughter to marry me, and selling her as a slave to me. Cuzz they want me to pay for thier daughter as if she was a slave , and a thing. Old folks gotta adjust to the newe society in the USA and their kids go out once in awhile. Stop locking them up and lectureing them of how they should be. Thats how there is so many runaways and gangsters. MOST of all hell NO.. I wouldn't marry her, if I was force to marry her......

[quote=yajthaugluv,Mar 10 2005, 01:13 AM]
[quote=samgoody01,Mar 9 2005, 05:44 PM]are you guys talking about force marriage or arrange marriage.....when it comes to arrange marriage, i would appeal to that...but i think force marriage is a good way to keep the kids in line dont you guys think so, or is everyone ok with the idea of having sexual relationships before marriage. Yes, i understand that just because two people went out doesnt mean they will have sex, its just that im a guy and i know wat goes on when people go sometimes...hahaha...wat r your opinions on that.....?

[/quote]


Force marriage, where a guy takes a girl out and you know, didn't come home until midnight or who knows when. That's when her parents respond with force. That's what I was trying to tell them people who disagrees with force marriage. It's there to keep kids in line. Not to force kids out of line.


Yeah true.. Sometimes guys just take them out late cuzz they want to marry them. And the gurl has no idea , but thinks she just out to chill. But He set her up and just took her home without telling her. I hate those kinda guys. They're so dam disperate, or they think she might break up with him. I just feel sorry for the lady that gets force to marry some dude that they don't want to marry... So F_ck up.........

ITS PART OF HMONG PEOPLE AND EVERYDAY HMONG THING THAT HAPPENS ALL OVER THE PLACE...............WHAT CAN YOU SAY..?

well... what if she was pregnant?? would you act like that too?? cause she couldnt have made that baby by herself..

force marriage suck.... but there are some reason for force marriage.

If shes pregnant, now thats a whole different story. I don't know. But if she is pregnant and not lieing . I probly marry her, for the sake of the child. Don't want a kid to be fatherless.

good thing my parents are cool...they don't force you to marry somebody i don't like...they just ask me and my bros...these parents' daughter is nice..do you want us to go visit her family and see if you like her???...but we always say no....but if i was forced into a marriage...i'll probably yell at my parents and make them experience getting lectured about love and all that shiets....lol..but if she is pregnant(which will never happen) and it's my baby...i'll probablly marry her.

Hrms..If I was forced into marriage.....Wow..That'd be mad interesting...Butta...I'd go with it...And see how he really is and stuff...Then if I'm hating it...Divorce... >:]

well my friend, your parents will not force you to marry that someone you are talking about if it is not benefit you or your parents. it can be beauty,money, higher class family and may be good house keeping, knowing how to taken care of you and maybe your family also. agree?

let me tell you of a personal story of me, when I was 16 I dated this one girl, she was older then me and very much in love with me, I guess.....we dated for couple months and at the time I didn’t even touched her yet, at least not sexually or i.e. fukk her yet.. lol, anyway, one night we were suppose to go to a party and we(my friends and me) went and picked her up, she was my date. I guess...and later the party was canceled...so what did we do after wards? well, it was dark and we came out that night to have fun at the party but since the party was canceled we decided to hit the motel and have a little fun, when we got there (the motel) there were already people that we know already drinking and chilling, soon after wards everyone who was there before us had to leave, mostly cuz a bunch of them were underage girls.. I.e 13-16. Anyway, so we and the person who rented the mo were the only ones left. So I we just kicked it and chill and drunk beer for the rest of the night...after a while it was getting late, the time was I believe was around 12:30 pm central time...so I ask "my girl" if she needed to go home? She said "no”. I said "r u sure" she said "yeah" I told her I didn’t want to get in trouble but if she thinks nothing will happen, it alright with me just as long as if she ever do get in trouble don’t say I was with her this night. She said "don’t worry I wont tell" so we chill that night. And how dumb of me, that night I was drunk and didn’t even get to "hit it" lol...

So. I woke up and "my girls" tongue was in my mouth. YUCK! her kiss sure tasted nasty, I hate mourning breath, and she was up in my mouth...lol but anyway we didn’t send her and her friend home until 1 Pm central time,...

Couple of days passed since we were at the mo... (Which when she and I were at the motel, I didn’t do shttt to her...)

my mom got this phone call from some man on the other line who says he's the father of that girl I was with at the motel that one night...at first I denied it and didn’t think of it as serious...but soon my mom told me that the man is going to send his daughter to marry me right away...soon every thing got tense and serious...I thought it was a joke, until the door bell rung and there laid the faces of "my girls" parents, HOLY SHTT!! This isnt happening...my mom got very mad, "WHAT THE fu-k DID YOU DO TO THIS GIRL!" she said to me...i said, "i didnt do shtt, why the fu-k are they here?!!" i hid in my room. While my mom went and open the door for them, as soon as my mom opened the door, "my girl" was already told to come into my house by her father...and he said from this moment she is my wife. Holy GODZILLA'S! hell noooh...i was listen on my mom and her dad talk, as soon as i heard that i went to the door and confronted "my girl" i told her to tell her dad that we didnt do shtt that night, and they should chill down, her dad look at me and yelled at me and told me that i know what i have done and i violated hmong rules...words and more words were flying out so fast between my mom and her mom and her father and her grand mother, believe me, they were all there at my front door step forcing me to marry their daughter....i was in total rejection,..."my girl" stood there, she looked sad that i didnt want to marry her....but regardless i was too young to marry her. i mean, what would i feed her, don’t even have a burger king job to support us..lol, things got more intense, my mom yelled at them and told them to take daughter back, my mom told them that this america and hmong rules dont matter, plus her son(me) is still too young to marry a girl...plus my mom mentioned she was older then me, "my girls" parents didnt give a shtt....back and fourth words flew...until my dad came home. he was totally shocked and surprised by what was taking place on his front door step..."my girl" was already in my house and her parents told her not to move and inch...i looked at her like.. WTF... didnt i tell you not to tell your parents that it was me who was with you... you dumb bee-itch... lol,...ofcourse i didnt say that but it was running through ma mind...lol, but anyways my dad told them that this force marriage thingy between me and their daughter should be takken more maturly and for them to take thier daughter home and if theres anything thats needs to work out, my dad and her dads reletives and call and a meeting, my girls dad didnt gave a shtt about what my dad said.. my dad told him that if he dont take her daughter back home, he's going to call the cops...saying that it still didnt scare him...so soon the cops were called and a white cop showed up...my dad explained every thing to (the white cop) and he ask me if do i want to marry the girl, i basically told him that me and the girl were just going out and just having fun...plus in my mind i didnt even fukk her yet so i felt i didnt do anything wrong...the cop forced my girls parents to go home...they said no but then he(the cop) got serious and told them the consequences of underage marriage.....lucky for me my girls parents backed off but told my dad that this wasn’t the end and we will have to sit down with his relatives and talk about this...my dad said" sure anytime" and they eventually left, "my girl" seemed very sad, and hela mad too. She called me a female dog...and slap’s me,

Thank god that cop came that night...or else i be divorced by now...lol,

it wasn’t my fault, it was hers for telling her parents, but i heard that the night when we sent her home, her parents got really mad and forced her to tell on me...i guess it wasn’t all her fault.... plus i think her parents over acted...

Me that girl still talk and shtt but I don’t go to her house anymore

Damn $hit PHEW... Good story man... Good story, If i was in that position
I be pissed as fu-k Not worth getting marry at such a young age man.


LOL..... I can't stop laughing reading this story

Are you serious, NOT your fault? You should of have send her home instead of taking her to the motel. You screw everybody up in your family...that's all I can say.

Force mairrige...
Hm..I think, In the united state, we couldn't get force to marry. -_-..of we do, then we always have the right to call the police. =D...
But if my parents them force me to marry someone that I don't know..Shh...911...

Yeap, like a shameless American. Just kidding just kidding!!!

Hey that's not fair. You were just asleep and didn't even do anything. You should have reacted into a violent orgy of rage and anger!

AHAHAHAHAHA, REAL FUNNY HUH? FOr reals, Its funny =D. But the cops besta do something about it....

what if its an arrange marriage eh?..Hm...

white_tiger

all i have to say is that it was both you and "your girl's" fault that that whole situation happened. should know by now that a hmong girl's parents would suspect something when the girl doesn't come home after 11 pm and she doesn't call her parents to tell them where she's at. also, it sounded like she wanted that to happen and that she was ready for marriage.

anyways, even if you live in america, you're hmong so you also live by hmong rules as well as american rules.


to everyone in general, don't put yourself and your family (especially your parents) in that situation in the first place. think about it from the parents point of view.

no. because that`s not love. i would hate to be one of those girls who gets force to marry someone they dont even want to be with.

Well, if you were there, too bad...It's not like you don't know the consequences.

one word on forced marriage: SAD!!!
no...make it two: SAD and RETARDED!!!
ahahaha...but yeah...it is...yeah...they always manage to say this: you'll learn to love him/her...that's not gonna help...but yah...it's just plain sad and retarded...i wouldn't like to be forced to marry some guy i have no clue about...i'd rather marry my guy friend than be forced to marry a random guy that my parents picked for me...but i'm lucky...my parents aren't like that...they said, "Yuav tus uas yus hlub thiab tus hlub yus..." so awesome...

Well, for all you guys must know, that when you take a Hmong girl out too late..be prepare to get marry. That's how it works with most of the OG's..who still carries on old traditions....Reputations and Family values...They believe that if a girls goes out too late...then they will lose face...That is why many youngsters are being force to marry...but thank god to those who lives in America...we still have our piece of mind...which they can't really force us to get married. But, my heart goes out to those you had been forced to be married...and yet not happy.

I dont know about you, or the rest of the "americanized" hmong on here. but i'm going to force my future kids to marry hmong and hmong only, no exceptions. i'm not racist or prejudice or any shtt like that. i believe hmong parents are wise and want to save you from your selfish decisions. in this life you cant always get what you want, plus we should alwasy listen to our parents no matter the situation, if it were not for them, we all know we wouldnt be here. people in here think they are smart, they think they can defy thier parents wishes....its a shame to do so. and this mix race thingy, i dont think it should ever happen in the hmong community, why? by now you prabably think i'm fukken racist or some shtt like that....ask yourshelf if you would like to be a half breed or not...? would you like to be half black or half cambodian etc... people i know who are half breeds get depressed over the fact that they are not 100 percent hmong....if you can understand what i'm saying then good for you, but for the rest of you who thinks i'm just a prejudice fool (go ahead and think so...) it dont matter if parents force thier sons or daughters to marry the ones they do not like, we all do not like every thing at first but eventually we'll adjust to it...its not like parents are forcing sons and daughters into marrying drunks or crack heads, they are marying thier kids to reputable families or higher class families, in the long run they believe it is good for the force marriage to happen for the welfare of thier children its only natrual to make such decisions.

eer...ok...so...i'm just tryna state my opinon on yours...don't get me wrong ok...say...what if your daughter...she wants to marry this HMONG guy...not a white guy or other asian guy...but you want her to marry into a RICH family so you would force her to marry the RICH GUY (from a HMONG family)...and for her to forget about the HMONG guy...how cruel is that? clarify your opinion please? because that part where your daughter who wants to marry a hmong guy...without force...is not in there...but i would assume you won't have any problem with that...am i right?

look girlie, excuse me, i'm not sure what your trying to say,....i just hope force marriage never happens to you. the end.

ok...thanks! and it shall never happen...because my parents won't ever force me to marry someone who i don't like...even if i could learn how to love them...and i just hope that your future kids won't get forced to marry someone they don't like...that'll be sad...