A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"
The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise! I won't" she says.
He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Full Version: FunZine
What ..... wrong e-mail address can do?
A man checked-in to a hotel. There was a computer in
his room, So he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address,
and without
realizing
his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned home from
her
husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she
fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother
on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read.
To : My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now, and you are allowed to
send e-mails to
your
loved ones.
I've just reached and have checked in. I see that
everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then !
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
A man checked-in to a hotel. There was a computer in
his room, So he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address,
and without
realizing
his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned home from
her
husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she
fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother
on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read.
To : My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now, and you are allowed to
send e-mails to
your
loved ones.
I've just reached and have checked in. I see that
everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then !
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
Very funny 
In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.
The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.
Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!
Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!
The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.
The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.
Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!
Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!
(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
*Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.
*Grandparents drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
*They don't say, "Hurry up."
*Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
*They wear funny glasses.
*They can take their teeth and gums out.
*Grandparents don't have to be smart.
*They have answer to questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".
*When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
*They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time,and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
*A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
*Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.
*Grandparents drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
*They don't say, "Hurry up."
*Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
*They wear funny glasses.
*They can take their teeth and gums out.
*Grandparents don't have to be smart.
*They have answer to questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".
*When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
*They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time,and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
*A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
Tech Support: ?I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.?
Customer: ?Ok.?
Tech Support: ?Did you get a pop-up menu??
Customer: ?No?
Tech Support: ?Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu??
Customer: ?No?
Tech Support: ?Ok sir. Can you tell me what you have done uptill now??
Customer: ?Sure, you told me to write ?click? and I wrote ?click?. And then you told me to write click again, so I wrote ?click? again and now it reads ?click click?
---------------------------------------------------------
A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about
what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.
Customer: ?Ok.?
Tech Support: ?Did you get a pop-up menu??
Customer: ?No?
Tech Support: ?Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu??
Customer: ?No?
Tech Support: ?Ok sir. Can you tell me what you have done uptill now??
Customer: ?Sure, you told me to write ?click? and I wrote ?click?. And then you told me to write click again, so I wrote ?click? again and now it reads ?click click?
---------------------------------------------------------
A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about
what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.
What does ABCD... stand for ?
America
Based
Confused
Desi
Escaped
From
Gujarat;
Housed
In
Jersey;
Keeping
Lotsa'
Motels
Named
Omkarnath
Patel;
Quickly
Reached
Success
Through
Underhanded
Vicious
Ways;
Xenophobic
Yet
Zealous
America
Based
Confused
Desi
Escaped
From
Gujarat;
Housed
In
Jersey;
Keeping
Lotsa'
Motels
Named
Omkarnath
Patel;
Quickly
Reached
Success
Through
Underhanded
Vicious
Ways;
Xenophobic
Yet
Zealous
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi- millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000'".
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return"
Ah, the mind of an Indian...
great thread..we should post all jokes here. here's one from me.
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Your Ex-wife.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that didn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was, "You
look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But
when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said, with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Your Ex-wife.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that didn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was, "You
look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But
when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said, with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
^ OMFG lol!
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Venereal Disease Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman: "Thank you. It's in aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
----------------------------------------------
Bhikhari: "Saheb ! 1 Rupaya de do"
Saheb: "Kal aana"
Bhikhari: "Sala ! is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhoon rupaye fasse huye hain"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Venereal Disease Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman: "Thank you. It's in aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
----------------------------------------------
Bhikhari: "Saheb ! 1 Rupaya de do"
Saheb: "Kal aana"
Bhikhari: "Sala ! is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhoon rupaye fasse huye hain"
Subject: The Ultimate Wedding Invitation
Mrs. and Mr. Sambhar Chatni
Request the pleasure of the company
of
Mrs. & Mr. Idli
On the occasion of the Marriage of their grandson,
SADA DOSA
(Son of Mrs. & Mr. Masala Dosa)
to
PANI PURI
(Daughter of Mrs. & Mr. Bhel Puri)
On 31st November 2004, at 7.00 p.m.
at Dahi Wada Hall, Samosa Building,
Cham Cham Road, Opposite Papad Theatre,
Haldiram, Mumbai Rasgulla 400 000.
Res. : "Patni ka Chutni", Paneer Rd.
Chole Bhattura Avenue,
Mumbai Dhokla 400 111.
Tel. 25618241
e-mail: loosemotions@sundas.com
PS. NO GIFTS PLEASE ONLY PRESENTS.
-----------------------------
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the rods."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, " We shall get out of the car and get in again ."
Mrs. and Mr. Sambhar Chatni
Request the pleasure of the company
of
Mrs. & Mr. Idli
On the occasion of the Marriage of their grandson,
SADA DOSA
(Son of Mrs. & Mr. Masala Dosa)
to
PANI PURI
(Daughter of Mrs. & Mr. Bhel Puri)
On 31st November 2004, at 7.00 p.m.
at Dahi Wada Hall, Samosa Building,
Cham Cham Road, Opposite Papad Theatre,
Haldiram, Mumbai Rasgulla 400 000.
Res. : "Patni ka Chutni", Paneer Rd.
Chole Bhattura Avenue,
Mumbai Dhokla 400 111.
Tel. 25618241
e-mail: loosemotions@sundas.com
PS. NO GIFTS PLEASE ONLY PRESENTS.
-----------------------------
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the rods."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, " We shall get out of the car and get in again ."
*********************************************************************
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!!!!!
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!!!!!
Nice one.
thanks for the contri.
thanks for the contri.
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
A blind man wanders into a lady biker bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl, 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate, 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter, 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. "Now, think about it seriously, mister... do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah...
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
A blind man wanders into a lady biker bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl, 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate, 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter, 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. "Now, think about it seriously, mister... do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah...
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
Just a few good things to share, may be, this may change your
attitude and help u in lean times.
Enjoy.
=================
A candidate for a news broadcasters post was rejected by officials
since his Voice was not fit for a news broadcaster.
He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, he would never
be
famous.
He is Amitabh Bachan.
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A small boy - the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was
selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not
exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and
rockets. The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built
crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the
person to have
scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly
Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
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In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record
audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The
executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of
musicians, one executive said,"We don't like their sound. Groups of
guitars are on the way out."
The group was called The Beatles.
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In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling
Agency told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn
secretarial work or else get married. "She went on and became
Marilyn Monroe.
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In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry,Fired a singer
after one performance. He told him, "You ain't in'nowhere....son. You
ought to go back to drivin' a truck." He went on to become
Elvis Presley.
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When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did
not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making
a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an
amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
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When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000
experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter sked him how
it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I
invented the light bulb.
It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
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In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his
idea to 20 Corporations, including some of the biggest in the
country. They all turned him down. In 1947 after seven long years of
rejections! He finally got a tiny company in Rochester, New York, the
Haloid company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an
electrostatic paper-copying process.
Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
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A little girl - the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and
her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted
double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed
left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been
dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a
rhythmic walk, which doctors
said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner.
She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every
race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but
she kept on running. One day she actually
won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she
entered.
Eventually this little girl - Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three
Olympic gold medals.
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A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his
mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told
him that you would not become anybody in life. The boy went on to
become
Albert Einstein.
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A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS!
Smile a while n while u smile, smile another smile, n soon
there will be miles n miles of smile, just bcoz u smiled!!
Have a day full of smiles.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to
take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her
book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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