A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse". And charged them RM60.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280,
Le Meridian charges RM230. We do it here for RM60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim"!"
Full Version: JUZ FOR LAUGH
this is good...........
Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible
headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought
medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another,he finally
came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.
The good news is that I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it
will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your
testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure
creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to
remove your testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live
for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question,
but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for
the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an
important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that
he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a
new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need...a new
suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and
pointed one out.
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44, long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the suit and it fitted him perfectly.
As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar
in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about some new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 91/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably
around the shop, the salesman said, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure".
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size
36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you with this one! I've been wearing size 34
since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head and tutted, "No, no, Sir, you can't wear size
34. Size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and
give you a terrible headache."
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kerry, Southern Ireland.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm
going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Dublin
and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you
own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know we settle
disputes in Kerry. We settle small disagreements like this with the Kerry
Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Kerry Three Kick Rule ?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I
kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and
forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his
mouth.
The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end
sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot.
Now it's my turn."
[I love this part.....]
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
cheers,......
Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible
headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought
medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another,he finally
came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.
The good news is that I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it
will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your
testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure
creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to
remove your testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live
for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question,
but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for
the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an
important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that
he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a
new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need...a new
suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and
pointed one out.
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44, long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the suit and it fitted him perfectly.
As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar
in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about some new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 91/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably
around the shop, the salesman said, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure".
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size
36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you with this one! I've been wearing size 34
since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head and tutted, "No, no, Sir, you can't wear size
34. Size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and
give you a terrible headache."
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kerry, Southern Ireland.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm
going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Dublin
and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you
own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know we settle
disputes in Kerry. We settle small disagreements like this with the Kerry
Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Kerry Three Kick Rule ?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I
kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and
forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his
mouth.
The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end
sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot.
Now it's my turn."
[I love this part.....]
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
cheers,......
The first post is hilarious! 
ricochet,good job.
ricochet,good job.
an old joke worth reading....
IT IS RAINING
A woman was having a daytime affair while
her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with
her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard
her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry ! Grab your clothes and
jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ! It's raining out there !"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both ! He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems !"
So the boyfriend scooted out of bed, grabbed his clothes and
jumped out the window.As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual
marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about
300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of
runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged
closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully
free!" Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying
your clothes with you under your arm ?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home !"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried.
"Do you always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope.........just when it's raining"
IT IS RAINING
A woman was having a daytime affair while
her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with
her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard
her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry ! Grab your clothes and
jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ! It's raining out there !"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both ! He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems !"
So the boyfriend scooted out of bed, grabbed his clothes and
jumped out the window.As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual
marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about
300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of
runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged
closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully
free!" Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying
your clothes with you under your arm ?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home !"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried.
"Do you always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope.........just when it's raining"
good lauh indeed 
Ladies.....in malaysia people can sms to get a divorce
Try this...best part...you dun pay for it
Try this...best part...you dun pay for it
THIS IS REAL GOOD FELLAS!!!!
Don't Talk To an Indian Fellow Passenger On a Flight...
An American gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to an
Indian. He immediately turns to him and makes his move. "You
know" says the American "I've heard flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's
talk."
The Indian who had just opened his book closes it slowly and says to
the American guy "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know" says the guy, smiling "how about nuclear power?"
"OK" says the Indian "that could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat
the
same stuff...grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow
turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies "I haven't the
slightest idea."
"So tell me" says the Indian "how is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power with me when you don't know $hit?"
Don't Talk To an Indian Fellow Passenger On a Flight...
An American gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to an
Indian. He immediately turns to him and makes his move. "You
know" says the American "I've heard flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's
talk."
The Indian who had just opened his book closes it slowly and says to
the American guy "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know" says the guy, smiling "how about nuclear power?"
"OK" says the Indian "that could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat
the
same stuff...grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow
turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies "I haven't the
slightest idea."
"So tell me" says the Indian "how is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power with me when you don't know $hit?"
Funny indian man~
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employe e = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.
TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW
CAN HANDLE IT
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the
students, one by one - "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper
with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to
the bathroom?" she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you Bill, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right
back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to
say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once
and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after supper."
The teacher fainted.
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the
students, one by one - "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper
with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to
the bathroom?" she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you Bill, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right
back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to
say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once
and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after supper."
The teacher fainted.
this is very cool joke~~!!!!
QUOTE(moneyrevelation @ Sep 8 2006, 11:50 PM) [snapback]2274254[/snapback]
this is very cool joke~~!!!!
what is a money revelation?
lolz... nice 1...
Great jokes bro, take the work-load off my mind Keep them coming ...
Keep them coming ...
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman
asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish
genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other
and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
these countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape
after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not
tHAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able
to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic,
likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets
along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
That is what I wish for...a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the f*cking map again."
hehehe.funny shiz
Alkisah ada seorang lelaki yang berusia lewat 50an dan
bekerja sebagai
CEO disebuah syarikat yang besar di KL... Pada suatu
hari tu... Boss ni
memanggil la dia punya seketeri masuk ke ofisnya...
seperti biasa
seketerinya pun masukla...
Tolong buatkan saya surat untuk kita punya client...
Si Boss ni pun mula la cakap dia punya mukadimahnya...
biasa la Boss...
malas nak tulis... cakap punya cakap... Boss ni pun
bangun... dan
berjalan-jalan pusing-pusing meja sambil tangan masuk
dalam poket seluar...
10 minit kemudian acara mengarang ayat pun habis... si
seketeri pun
mula bersuara...
Seketeri : Boss... pagi tadi kan... masa saya nak
datang ke Ofis...
saya nampak pintu garage boss terbuka...
Boss : (Dalam keadaan kelam kabut) ye ke... tak apa,
nanti saya call
rumah... terima kasih...
Si seketeri pun blah balik ke meja dia... dan si Boss
pun call rumah
dia tanya wife dia...
Boss : Yang... tolong tengokkan garage rumah kita...
pintu dia terbuka
la...
Bini : Tak la bang... baru tadi saya tengok... mana
ada terbuka...
Boss : Iye... terbuka.. cuba pergi tengok semula.
Bini : Tidakkkkk, tertutup... saya tahu la bang...
Boss : Pergi la tengok.. kalau tak terbuka macam mana
orang boleh
nampak?????
Bini : Okay la... okay la...
Setelah setengah jam kemudian... masa Boss ni tengah
relek-relek...
baru dia perasan yang zip seluar dia terbuka... (dah
memang perangai dia
tak suka pakai underware... ) maka nampaklah...
mengelabahlah si Boss ni
memikirkan mana macam nak cover malu kat seketeri dia
tu... dan petang
yang sama juga...
Boss : Errr... tadi pagi masa you nampak garage I
terbuka... ada tak
you nampak BMW kat dalam tu?
Seketeri : Tak... yang I nampak cuma ada 'Mini Cooper'
dengan dua tayar
depannya pancit!!!!!...
Hi Smart guys....read on.....
Tim wanted to "do" a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else.
One day Tiim got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give
you a $1000 dollars if you let me 'do' you but the girl said NO.
Tim said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down,I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend
says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even
be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call.
Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? She
said....
Scroll down for answer!
"THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!" HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA....................
Tim wanted to "do" a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else.
One day Tiim got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give
you a $1000 dollars if you let me 'do' you but the girl said NO.
Tim said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down,I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend
says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even
be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call.
Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? She
said....
Scroll down for answer!
"THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!" HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA....................
One day, an Ang Moh ( White man ) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.
When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the c@ck" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his c@ck and showed it to her.
The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do
it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand
English.
The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"
He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.
Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
"TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
Malaysia Boley!
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.
When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the c@ck" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his c@ck and showed it to her.
The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do
it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand
English.
The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"
He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.
Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
"TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
Malaysia Boley!
Q: whats the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A: a mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
this is got from indo forum. when a person farts different ppl will react differently:
american: oops. excuse me
british: please forgive me
malaysian: not me! not me!
A: a mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
this is got from indo forum. when a person farts different ppl will react differently:
american: oops. excuse me
british: please forgive me
malaysian: not me! not me!
QUOTE
this is got from indo forum. when a person farts different ppl will react differently:
american: oops. excuse me
british: please forgive me
malaysian: not me! not me!
american: oops. excuse me
british: please forgive me
malaysian: not me! not me!
hehe good one
should add to that
aussie : crikey! that was a beauty!
QUOTE
One day, an Ang Moh ( White man ) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.
When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the c@ck" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his c@ck and showed it to her.
The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do
it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand
English.
The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"
He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.
Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
"TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
Malaysia Boley!
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.
When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the c@ck" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his c@ck and showed it to her.
The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do
it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand
English.
The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"
He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.
Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
"TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
Malaysia Boley!
Not bad sinner! Not bad at all!
Rico please write some more jokes.please!please!please!
love these jokes!!! the first one and the one about the guy runnign naked in the marathon!!!!!
ROFLMAO
ROFLMAO
an old joke....but what the heck...post la
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty
> >miles perhour.The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly
> >looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
> >
> >"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but
> >I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road
> >ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks
> >again.
> >
> >"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because
> >I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far
> >better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips
> >the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55
> >mph.
> >
> >He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to
> >60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says,
> >"I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
> >The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
> >This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there
> >anything you want?"
> >
> >The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,
> >I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So
> >what have you got?"
> >
> >Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him
> >and smiles. ...."The airbag."....
> >
> >Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
> >Moral of the story:
> >
> >Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The
> >husband sure die and wife gets everything!
> >
> >So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today....
> >Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance.
> >
> >Know why?
> >
> >" M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty
> >miles perhour.The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly
> >looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
> >
> >"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but
> >I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road
> >ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks
> >again.
> >
> >"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because
> >I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far
> >better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips
> >the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55
> >mph.
> >
> >He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to
> >60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says,
> >"I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
> >The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
> >This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there
> >anything you want?"
> >
> >The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,
> >I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So
> >what have you got?"
> >
> >Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him
> >and smiles. ...."The airbag."....
> >
> >Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
> >Moral of the story:
> >
> >Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The
> >husband sure die and wife gets everything!
> >
> >So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today....
> >Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance.
> >
> >Know why?
> >
> >" M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang
QUOTE(ricochet @ Sep 19 2006, 05:36 PM) [snapback]2308546[/snapback]
an old joke....but what the heck...post la
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty
> >miles perhour.The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly
> >looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
> >
> >"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but
> >I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road
> >ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks
> >again.
> >
> >"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because
> >I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far
> >better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips
> >the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55
> >mph.
> >
> >He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to
> >60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says,
> >"I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
> >The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
> >This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there
> >anything you want?"
> >
> >The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,
> >I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So
> >what have you got?"
> >
> >Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him
> >and smiles. ...."The airbag."....
> >
> >Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
> >Moral of the story:
> >
> >Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The
> >husband sure die and wife gets everything!
> >
> >So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today....
> >Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance.
> >
> >Know why?
> >
> >" M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang
good one rico.love all ur jokes
QUOTE(ricochet @ Sep 19 2006, 04:36 AM) [snapback]2308546[/snapback]
an old joke....but what the heck...post la
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty
> >miles perhour.The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly
> >looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
> >
> >"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but
> >I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road
> >ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks
> >again.
> >
> >"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because
> >I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far
> >better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips
> >the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55
> >mph.
> >
> >He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to
> >60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says,
> >"I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."
> >The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
> >This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there
> >anything you want?"
> >
> >The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,
> >I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So
> >what have you got?"
> >
> >Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him
> >and smiles. ...."The airbag."....
> >
> >Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
> >Moral of the story:
> >
> >Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The
> >husband sure die and wife gets everything!
> >
> >So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today....
> >Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance.
> >
> >Know why?
> >
> >" M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang
haiya
i got a vios.......hmmm maybe i should not let my gf drive for me...LOLQUOTE(Aranadhel @ Sep 15 2006, 01:11 AM) [snapback]2294426[/snapback]
One day, an Ang Moh ( White man ) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.
When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the c@ck" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his c@ck and showed it to her.
The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do
it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand
English.
The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"
He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.
Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
"TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
Malaysia Boley! Heard this joke at school when I was about 10.
Most of our jokes then were quite 'hamsap'
DELETED
QUOTE(ricochet @ Sep 21 2006, 12:06 AM) [snapback]2312966[/snapback]
ipoh heshe queen...for you aran!
meh ah? I dont paham u lah bro...
QUOTE(Aranadhel @ Sep 21 2006, 03:56 AM) [snapback]2313891[/snapback]
meh ah? I dont paham u lah bro...
Aran, got to be honest with you...HE does look gorgeous for a MAN.... I thot you needed something to rekindle the good memories at Kings street
QUOTE(Aranadhel @ Sep 20 2006, 02:56 PM) [snapback]2313891[/snapback]
meh ah? I dont paham u lah bro...
what is ricochet babbling?
"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully."
"Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.
In the restrooms of that cyber cafe,dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus."
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully."
"Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.
In the restrooms of that cyber cafe,dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus."
QUOTE(ricochet @ Sep 21 2006, 11:27 AM) [snapback]2315113[/snapback]
"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully."
"Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.
In the restrooms of that cyber cafe,dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus."
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
sorry guys i really dont have any jokes like rico,only picture
The International Rules of Men ...
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a ) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(B ) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
( c ) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a ) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(B ) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(C ) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the @$$ and having the balls to say, "You're NEXT, babe!"
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a ) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(B ) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
( c ) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a ) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(B ) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(C ) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the @$$ and having the balls to say, "You're NEXT, babe!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>A jobless man applied for the position of "office
>boy" at Microsoft.
>
>The HR manager interviewed him then watched him
>cleaning the floor as a
>test.
>"You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail
>address and I'll send you
>the application to fill in, as well as date when you
>may start."
>The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither
>an email".
>"I'm sorry", said the HR manager. If you don't have
>an email, that means you
>do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the
>job."
>
>The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what
> to do, with only $10
>in his pocket. He then decided to go to the
>supermarket and buy a 10Kg
>tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to
>door round. In less
>than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
>He repeated the
>operation three times, and returned home with $60.
>The man realized that he can survive by this way, and
>started to go everyday
>earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or
>tripled every day.
>Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he
>had his own fleet of
>delivery vehicles.
>5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food
>retailers in the US. He
>started to plan his family's future, and decided to
>have a life insurance.
>He called an insurance broker, and chose a
>protection plan.
>When the conversation was concluded the broker asked
>him his email.
>
>The man replied, "I don't have an email."
>The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an
>email, and yet have
>succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what
>you could have been if
>you had an e mail?!!!"
>The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be
>an office boy at
>Microsoft!"
>Moral of the story
>M1 - The Internet is not the solution to your life.
>M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you
>can be a millionaire.
>M3- If you received this message by email, you are
>closer to being an office
>boy/girl, than a millionaire... Have a great day!!!
>
>P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I am
>closing my email , resign from my recent job & going to
>sell tomatoes!!!
>
>
I remember I posted this somewhere....anyway what the heck...post again lor
Ladies, please do not jump to conclusions.
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
her handphone battery is flat, She instructed her son to use his own phone
to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a
lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on
the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she
slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the
commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said
to him when he called.
Junior said "StarHub is not getting a respond from the subscriber's mobile
phone. Please Try Again Later"...
Women !!!
Ladies, please do not jump to conclusions.
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
her handphone battery is flat, She instructed her son to use his own phone
to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a
lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on
the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she
slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the
commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said
to him when he called.
Junior said "StarHub is not getting a respond from the subscriber's mobile
phone. Please Try Again Later"...
Women !!!
Rico dont have jokes lagi ke.I ni tengah boring ni. 
QUOTE(ricochet @ Aug 16 2006, 04:41 AM) [snapback]2179411[/snapback]
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse". And charged them RM60.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280,
Le Meridian charges RM230. We do it here for RM60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim"!"
Not fUnyy at alll
Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."
NOW..WHO IS THINKING DIRTY...?! .....HAHAHA.
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."
NOW..WHO IS THINKING DIRTY...?! .....HAHAHA.
Kenapa anak babi jalan tunduk? Kerana dia malu dia babi.
What a good joke and husbands are husbands.........
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied ...."Your horse phoned"
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied ...."Your horse phoned"
They were 85 years old, and had been married for 60 years. Though not
>young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's
>insistence on healthy foods and exercise.
>
>One day, their good health didn't help. They went on a rare vacation and
>their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to heaven.
>
>They reached heaven and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a
>beautiful mansion, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the
>master bath. They gasped in astonishment when Peter said, "Welcome to
>heaven. This will be your home now."
>
>The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
>
>"Why, nothing," said St. Peter. "Remember, this is your reward in heaven."
>
>The old man looked out the window and he saw a championship golf course,
>finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens
>fees?" asked the old man.
>
>"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day, any
>time of the day you want."
>
>Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every
>imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic
>desserts, and free flowing beverages.
>
>"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is heaven, and it is all
>free for you to enjoy."
>
>The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where
>are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated
>Tea?" he asked.
>
>"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much
>as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This
>is heaven!"
>
>The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?"
>
>"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
>
>"No testing my blood sugar or blood pressure or..."
>
>"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
>
>The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your damn bran
>muffins...We could have been here twenty years ago!"
>
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>This was how a man got himself screwed.
>
> >>BEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR!!!!! (HA.HA.HA)
> >>
> >>A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
>stayed
> >>home.
> >>
> >>He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
> >>
> >>"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
>merely
> >>stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
> >>allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
> >>
> >>God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
> >>
> >>The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
> >>He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out
>their
> >>school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
> >>school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the
>cleaners
> >>and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then
> >>drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the
> >>checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it
>was
> >>already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum,
> >>dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
> >>Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them
> >>on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to
>do
> >>their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he
>did
> >>the ironing.
> >>At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
> >>breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
> >>
> >>After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
>laundry,
> >>bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
> >>
> >>At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't
>finished,
> >>he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to
>get
> >>through without complaint.
> >>The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
> >>Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's
> >>being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
> >>
> >>The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have
> >>learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way
> >>they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got
>pregnant
> >>last night."
> >>
> >>Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year !
>young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's
>insistence on healthy foods and exercise.
>
>One day, their good health didn't help. They went on a rare vacation and
>their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to heaven.
>
>They reached heaven and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a
>beautiful mansion, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the
>master bath. They gasped in astonishment when Peter said, "Welcome to
>heaven. This will be your home now."
>
>The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
>
>"Why, nothing," said St. Peter. "Remember, this is your reward in heaven."
>
>The old man looked out the window and he saw a championship golf course,
>finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens
>fees?" asked the old man.
>
>"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day, any
>time of the day you want."
>
>Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every
>imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic
>desserts, and free flowing beverages.
>
>"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is heaven, and it is all
>free for you to enjoy."
>
>The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where
>are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated
>Tea?" he asked.
>
>"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much
>as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This
>is heaven!"
>
>The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?"
>
>"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
>
>"No testing my blood sugar or blood pressure or..."
>
>"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
>
>The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your damn bran
>muffins...We could have been here twenty years ago!"
>
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>This was how a man got himself screwed.
>
> >>BEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR!!!!! (HA.HA.HA)
> >>
> >>A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
>stayed
> >>home.
> >>
> >>He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
> >>
> >>"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
>merely
> >>stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
> >>allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
> >>
> >>God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
> >>
> >>The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
> >>He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out
>their
> >>school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
> >>school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the
>cleaners
> >>and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then
> >>drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the
> >>checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it
>was
> >>already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum,
> >>dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
> >>Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them
> >>on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to
>do
> >>their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he
>did
> >>the ironing.
> >>At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
> >>breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
> >>
> >>After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
>laundry,
> >>bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
> >>
> >>At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't
>finished,
> >>he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to
>get
> >>through without complaint.
> >>The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
> >>Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's
> >>being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
> >>
> >>The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have
> >>learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way
> >>they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got
>pregnant
> >>last night."
> >>
> >>Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year !
Three football fans, an Italian, a German and an Australian, were arrested in an Arabian country after they were caught urinating on a religious building during an all night drinking binge.
The trio faces up to the local sultan and are dished out the usual punishment for religious desecration - 20 lashes of the whip to the back. But the Sultan, a big football fan, kindly grants them two wishes each - but they are not allowed to change the number of lashes or the type of punishment.
The Italian says " Well we are the World Champions so I'll go first. I want the pleasure of a beer and a pillow."
The Sultan grants his wishes. With a grin the Italian drinks his beer and binds the pillow to his naked back. But after about 10 lashes the pillow begins to fall apart and he has to painfully endure the remaining lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back.
The German sees all this and spends a few minutes thinking before smiling.
"For my two wishes I would like to have two pillows for my back."
The Sultan thinks about the uniqueness of the wishes but decides to grant it given he has used up his two wishes in one go.
However after 15 lashes of the whip both pillows have fallen apart and the German has to painfully endure the remaining 5 lashes which also leave welt marks on his back.
The Australian grinning from ear to ear mutters something under his breath about a bull$hit penalty.
"Ok my first wish is to double the number of lashes to 40."
There is stunned silence from the assembled crowd. The Italian, German and the Sultan are a little surprised at the wish but then remember the fighting spirit of the Aussies during the World Cup in Germany '06. The Italian and German look at each other and nod in admiration - obviously the Aussie wants to show how tough he is.
The Sultan asks the Aussie for his second wish.
"Tie the Italian to my back," he replies.
The trio faces up to the local sultan and are dished out the usual punishment for religious desecration - 20 lashes of the whip to the back. But the Sultan, a big football fan, kindly grants them two wishes each - but they are not allowed to change the number of lashes or the type of punishment.
The Italian says " Well we are the World Champions so I'll go first. I want the pleasure of a beer and a pillow."
The Sultan grants his wishes. With a grin the Italian drinks his beer and binds the pillow to his naked back. But after about 10 lashes the pillow begins to fall apart and he has to painfully endure the remaining lashes which leave deep welt marks on his back.
The German sees all this and spends a few minutes thinking before smiling.
"For my two wishes I would like to have two pillows for my back."
The Sultan thinks about the uniqueness of the wishes but decides to grant it given he has used up his two wishes in one go.
However after 15 lashes of the whip both pillows have fallen apart and the German has to painfully endure the remaining 5 lashes which also leave welt marks on his back.
The Australian grinning from ear to ear mutters something under his breath about a bull$hit penalty.
"Ok my first wish is to double the number of lashes to 40."
There is stunned silence from the assembled crowd. The Italian, German and the Sultan are a little surprised at the wish but then remember the fighting spirit of the Aussies during the World Cup in Germany '06. The Italian and German look at each other and nod in admiration - obviously the Aussie wants to show how tough he is.
The Sultan asks the Aussie for his second wish.
"Tie the Italian to my back," he replies.
Man..its funny man..
*"An Irish Daughter"*
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her
return, her father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why Did ye not write to us, not even
a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old
mum thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a
prostitute."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless sinner! You're a disgrace to this
family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a
membership to the country club...(takes a breath)...and an invitation
for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera
and ... "
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! BY GOLLY!! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
'Protestant.' Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her
return, her father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why Did ye not write to us, not even
a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old
mum thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a
prostitute."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless sinner! You're a disgrace to this
family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a
membership to the country club...(takes a breath)...and an invitation
for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera
and ... "
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! BY GOLLY!! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
'Protestant.' Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
Subject: AH BENG SPEAKS UP (fwd)
Ah beng speak up
Ah Beng talks about Singapore history and current affairs...
Under the 'ang mo' we all live happily together, no complain.
Malaysia & Singapore is one big family in our brains.
One day we both like 2 durians cannot get along.
Got sharp thorns, poke each other, until 'buay song.'
One moment like brothers, can give and take.
Next moment we kena kicked out by the leg.
Wah! Our towkay also cry like mad,
we all also feel very very sad.
Our neigbours all say, 'Wah they all sure to die!
They got nothing, how to get next bowl of rice?'
So 'boh pian,' we all work day and night.
We also join the army so that we can fight.
We don't care others 'see us no up'.
But actually inside we very pain in the heart.
Then slowly hor we grow rich and a bit fat.
Now others talk about us also got some respect.
They scratch their heads and say
'Very funny! Got nothing how come they can still make money?'
Last time also got no money to buy ice-cream cone.
Nowadays even small kids can also afford hand phone.
Sea port, airport also can become Number One.
He! He! Sometimes think about it also very fun.
But some people look at us also not happy.
Actually they jealous don't want to say only.
So every time their country got something wrong.
They all say Singapore 's behind it all along.
Everybody know we water no enough.
They turn off tap only we all cannot last.
They threaten us with water supply and shout 'Cut! Cut! Cut!'
Aiyoh! They all think the water is one big ketupat.
We all hear already also 'buay tahan'
Wah liao, they think we small can makan!
But now they 'cow pay cow bu' we all not very scared.
We want to build water desalination plant already so not so bad.
But their own economy now all go bust.
Got to sell water otherwise money no enough.
Then another neighbor say Singapore no friend friend,
Got so much money, a bit more also donno how to lend.
They say we all only one small red dot,
like the center of a big dartboard.
Maybe they think we mouse and they cat,
that's why they suka suka anyhow talk like that.
But we all still send them a lot of rice.
Show the world we actually very very nice.
Sometimes we 'cho ho sim' also kena whack.
But we all gentleman wan, don't want to fight back.
I think hor maybe they don't understand us very well.
That's why relationship sometimes like heaven sometimes like hell
Some say aiyah our prosperity is all due to luck,
that's why we all siao siao' can still win the Tiger Cup
I think hor, Singapore is like chilli padi in a pot -
Size small small but still very very hot.
Ah beng speak up
Ah Beng talks about Singapore history and current affairs...
Under the 'ang mo' we all live happily together, no complain.
Malaysia & Singapore is one big family in our brains.
One day we both like 2 durians cannot get along.
Got sharp thorns, poke each other, until 'buay song.'
One moment like brothers, can give and take.
Next moment we kena kicked out by the leg.
Wah! Our towkay also cry like mad,
we all also feel very very sad.
Our neigbours all say, 'Wah they all sure to die!
They got nothing, how to get next bowl of rice?'
So 'boh pian,' we all work day and night.
We also join the army so that we can fight.
We don't care others 'see us no up'.
But actually inside we very pain in the heart.
Then slowly hor we grow rich and a bit fat.
Now others talk about us also got some respect.
They scratch their heads and say
'Very funny! Got nothing how come they can still make money?'
Last time also got no money to buy ice-cream cone.
Nowadays even small kids can also afford hand phone.
Sea port, airport also can become Number One.
He! He! Sometimes think about it also very fun.
But some people look at us also not happy.
Actually they jealous don't want to say only.
So every time their country got something wrong.
They all say Singapore 's behind it all along.
Everybody know we water no enough.
They turn off tap only we all cannot last.
They threaten us with water supply and shout 'Cut! Cut! Cut!'
Aiyoh! They all think the water is one big ketupat.
We all hear already also 'buay tahan'
Wah liao, they think we small can makan!
But now they 'cow pay cow bu' we all not very scared.
We want to build water desalination plant already so not so bad.
But their own economy now all go bust.
Got to sell water otherwise money no enough.
Then another neighbor say Singapore no friend friend,
Got so much money, a bit more also donno how to lend.
They say we all only one small red dot,
like the center of a big dartboard.
Maybe they think we mouse and they cat,
that's why they suka suka anyhow talk like that.
But we all still send them a lot of rice.
Show the world we actually very very nice.
Sometimes we 'cho ho sim' also kena whack.
But we all gentleman wan, don't want to fight back.
I think hor maybe they don't understand us very well.
That's why relationship sometimes like heaven sometimes like hell
Some say aiyah our prosperity is all due to luck,
that's why we all siao siao' can still win the Tiger Cup
I think hor, Singapore is like chilli padi in a pot -
Size small small but still very very hot.
QUOTE(ricochet @ Oct 5 2006, 09:56 PM) [snapback]2365039[/snapback]
*"An Irish Daughter"*
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her
return, her father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why Did ye not write to us, not even
a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old
mum thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a
prostitute."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless sinner! You're a disgrace to this
family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a
membership to the country club...(takes a breath)...and an invitation
for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera
and ... "
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! BY GOLLY!! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
'Protestant.' Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
I like this one
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.