No disrepect to the traditional Hmong wedding but when ever I think about it, I always find myself opposing it. First, you have the price of the bride which makes her seem even more like an object and practically puts the groom or his parents in debt if they aren't financially independent. Then you have the beer drinking which is something I find absurd. It's not just because I don't drink myself (I am very concerned about my health and fitness), but it's like saying," welcome to the family, now it's time for you to pass out". I know that not all guys pass out but you get the idea. I understand that it's a way of proving yourself to your in-laws, but I feel that there are more sensible ways of doing this. I'm not trying to say that the whole Hmong traditional wedding sucks in general but that there are certain processes, IMO that we can omit to make the wedding itself much smoother. I know that one of the main reasons why Hmong guys might contemplate marriage is because of the cost to them. I know of relatives who are still in debt from taking out loans from other relatives and even banks to pay for their wife's hand in marriage. I'm still contemplating marriage due to numerous reasons, but I feel that if I can't pay for my wife myself then I probably don't deserve a wife.
Again, this is just my opinion and I apoligize ahead of time if some of the statements I made may have offended you. It could be that I am just very ignorant when it comes to Hmong weddings, but please feel free to enlighten me on this matter if you disagree with my opposition on this issue.
Full Version: Hmong Traditional Wedding
Of Course dude you're right, but a bit of the people dont had to pay, most of all do. About the beer drinking u dont had to drink all of it ur buddies can help u drink some too, unless u got none feel so sad for u. I'll go through that too someday and it the tradition so cant change that unless u want it the american way.
yep. weddings usually cost the guy more in most culture don't it. it's just tradition, can't do anything 'bout it.
Truth is you don't know Hmong or probably are not very adept in it or maybe you are. If you did and knew it thoroughly, you might not totally agree, but have some bases as of why they do what they do. I don't know if you are aware of this one bill that passed here in the United States that says that the nuturing fee (bride price) can only amount to $5000. I can elaborate on the wedding and say why they do what they do, but it would be pointless. I've noticed that people only hear what they want to hear, and accept only what they want to accept. I prefer being as informed about my culture as well as current day issues within the Hmong community, because to me that's what being Hmong is about. Knowing yourself, who you are, your history, and background. But truth is, I think the Hmong culture will die out anyways within the next couple of generations. We'll probably all become Christians or Atheist anyways. So maybe the whole wedding process will be eliminated completely anyways, as well as the whole culture and religion. So don't be too glum about it. Most second generation don't have any respect for the old culture anymore anyways too, so it may be eliminated sooner than later.
| QUOTE (hua @ Jun 16 2004, 12:40 PM) |
| Truth is you don't know Hmong or probably are not very adept in it or maybe you are. If you did and knew it thoroughly, you might not totally agree, but have some bases as of why they do what they do. I don't know if you are aware of this one bill that passed here in the United States that says that the nuturing fee (bride price) can only amount to $5000. I can elaborate on the wedding and say why they do what they do, but it would be pointless. I've noticed that people only hear what they want to hear, and accept only what they want to accept. I prefer being as informed about my culture as well as current day issues within the Hmong community, because to me that's what being Hmong is about. Knowing yourself, who you are, your history, and background. But truth is, I think the Hmong culture will die out anyways within the next couple of generations. We'll probably all become Christians or Atheist anyways. So maybe the whole wedding process will be eliminated completely anyways, as well as the whole culture and religion. So don't be too glum about it. Most second generation don't have any respect for the old culture anymore anyways too, so it may be eliminated sooner than later. |
Yes, you make a very good piont, but if you are implying that I'm not an open minded person then you are entitled to your opinion but I think otherwise. I'm am very open minded but at the same time, I am also very opinionated. I feel that it is very important for everyone to have an opinion on something no matter how significant or insignificant it may be. Just to clear things up, I am one of those person who wouldn't want to see the Hmong culture die, but there are just some things that I don't agree with. I also realize that the only thing I can do about it is to accept it for what it is or not accept it at all. I am very supportive regarding the whole general concept of weddings and whatnot, but there are a few processes that I wouldn't mind excluding. I'm sure that the traditional practices of today is a little different than that of a couple centuries ago, but the general idea still remains the same. You may see a few changes, exclusions, and additions here and there but the main idea is still the same. Just like everything else in life, it has its pros and cons but I guess I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it in order for me to contribrute to prolonging this culture. My opinion of opposing some of the notions in this tradition still stands but it is by no means more significant than that of keeping this culture alive for years and years to come. Realistically and sadly though, I think that it probably will die out in the future someday.
I'm always intrigued in hearing people out so elaborate if you will. It's always beneficial to listen to other's opinion on certain issues because just one source is never enough IMO.
No, I'm not implying the u are closed minded. When I said Hmong, what I really meant is the Hmong language. Cause truth is, when u start going into there philosophies, u can see or at least empathize with why they do what they do. It's actually good that ur willing to listen to other peoples opinion. But from my understanding of bride price is that, if u look at it from an elders point of view they only consider it a respect to the parents for raising that child. Have u ever heard the Hmong saying, a girl's biological parents house is only a resting place & that their true family is that of their husband's when their husband comes for them to live there life. Ofcourse I don't believe this, being a girl myself. Also, one other thing I've learned about bride price is that it is supposed to be there to make sure that both couples end up loving one another. It is there to bind the girl to the relationship, as well as the guy. Although, it isn't effective, or regarded and respected as it used to be anymore anyways. It is there to hold the guy in the fact that he has not bought her (although she has left her parents house and has been adopted into her husbands family), but that it is there to ensure that he does not mistreat her. And also, that he would be willing to pay it because they raised there daughter, only for him to come and take her away or in a since because they raised her for him. Also, I thought the original terminology for it, if interpreted, would be called the nuturing cost. Sorry can't spell it in Hmong, don't know how. That's why if a guy says he own's the girl and has a right to (physically) abuse her, and if her parents find out, then her parent's can bring retribution upon the guy and/or his clan. He would end up... getting sued, that's the closest thing I can relate to it. Also, during a good wedding, if the girl has a lot of supportive clan members and/or friends then both couples end up getting a good portion of the money back anyways. Cause when u think about it, if u think of all the gifts & the money given to the couple, it is by the bride's family only. Because the groom has already come for & has paid the bride price of the girl & so the groom's side of the family & clan members don't have to contribute anything more to the couples other than physically helping at the wedding. While if she does come from loving parents, then her side will come up with what's necessary for her to live her life. And so, all money & gifts given at a wedding is only by the girls side. And I guess in a way that evens out.
If I do & ever get married, I wouldn't care one way or the other if there is a bride price or not. If there isn't a bride price, that's okay because it isn't respected anymore anyways. If there is a bride price, I can except it as well, cause I know all the reasoning behind it at least and respect what it is there to do.
And if ur wondering how girls are bound. Well for one, at least in the old religion, girl's r bound to marriage because parents r so against divorces. Why is that? Girls, if they do end up getting married for the first time r soully & ritually part of her husbands clan. If she divorces & never gets married again then during death, her soul does not have a family to live with in the afterlife. Because one, she has already left her parents clan & cannot return; two, she has left her (ex) husband's clan as well. And to a girl's family, this is the worst that can happen to a parents daughter, to not have somewhere to go to in the afterlife. That's why the girls parents, relatives, and/or clan members have a right & r obligated to attend a girl's funeral (if she's married). To ensure that her husbands family (this is including his clan members) r burrying her properly & did love her until death.
If I do & ever get married, I wouldn't care one way or the other if there is a bride price or not. If there isn't a bride price, that's okay because it isn't respected anymore anyways. If there is a bride price, I can except it as well, cause I know all the reasoning behind it at least and respect what it is there to do.
And if ur wondering how girls are bound. Well for one, at least in the old religion, girl's r bound to marriage because parents r so against divorces. Why is that? Girls, if they do end up getting married for the first time r soully & ritually part of her husbands clan. If she divorces & never gets married again then during death, her soul does not have a family to live with in the afterlife. Because one, she has already left her parents clan & cannot return; two, she has left her (ex) husband's clan as well. And to a girl's family, this is the worst that can happen to a parents daughter, to not have somewhere to go to in the afterlife. That's why the girls parents, relatives, and/or clan members have a right & r obligated to attend a girl's funeral (if she's married). To ensure that her husbands family (this is including his clan members) r burrying her properly & did love her until death.
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jun 2 2004, 07:08 PM) |
| No disrepect to the traditional Hmong wedding but when ever I think about it, I always find myself opposing it. First, you have the price of the bride which makes her seem even more like an object and practically puts the groom or his parents in debt if they aren't financially independent. Then you have the beer drinking which is something I find absurd. It's not just because I don't drink myself (I am very concerned about my health and fitness), but it's like saying," welcome to the family, now it's time for you to pass out". |
I do have to say that some people take it overboard though. That's why they have that bill, or whatever you can call it, that says that parents can't make a girl no more than $5000. I do believe it was created so there wouldn't be any abuse of the bride price. The drinking thing, I do agree it's pathetic, but I guess it just depends on who u marry & the bride's family. Cause I know that when my younger & older sister's got married, my father wouldn't let my brothers get the groom drunk. My dad said to my brother, "He is already going to become your brother-in-law. There is no need to cause any ill feelings because he is going to become family." Even though my brothers weren't doing it necessarily out of vengence but they thought it fun to be able to give him lots of alcohol that he couldn't refuse. So it all just depends on what type the bride's family is like.
Thanks for the insight hua. Everything you've stated is similar to what I've been told. The brides funeral is actually something that I've witnessed twice before. The last thing that a funeral needs is an argument between the bride's clan and the groom's clan but unfortunately, this kind of stuff does happen.
As far as sueing goes, I thought this country was bad but it seems like just about every Hmong event is a potential lawsuit that is just waiting to happen. I'm sure that if our laws and policies weren't unwritten laws then we'd probably be on the Judge Judy show all the time too. I know they have their reasons though and I respect that even though I don't agree with some.
Just like you, I wouldn't care either when I get married but I all know is that I wouldn't want to get married if the money didn't come out of my own pocket. I'm not about to be like most hmong guys who have their parents pay for it or take out a loan from thier relatives. Not that I have anything aganist that but because I've always believed that I shouldn't get something or in this case, someone, if I can't afford it personally.
As far as sueing goes, I thought this country was bad but it seems like just about every Hmong event is a potential lawsuit that is just waiting to happen. I'm sure that if our laws and policies weren't unwritten laws then we'd probably be on the Judge Judy show all the time too. I know they have their reasons though and I respect that even though I don't agree with some.
Just like you, I wouldn't care either when I get married but I all know is that I wouldn't want to get married if the money didn't come out of my own pocket. I'm not about to be like most hmong guys who have their parents pay for it or take out a loan from thier relatives. Not that I have anything aganist that but because I've always believed that I shouldn't get something or in this case, someone, if I can't afford it personally.
the only reason y i would really oppose a hmong weddin is the money where u have to buy the bride
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jun 18 2004, 03:28 AM) |
| As far as sueing goes, I thought this country was bad but it seems like just about every Hmong event is a potential lawsuit that is just waiting to happen. I'm sure that if our laws and policies weren't unwritten laws then we'd probably be on the Judge Judy show all the time too. I know they have their reasons though and I respect that even though I don't agree with some. |
Yep, so true about the sueing part though. I find it funny sometimes whether it is sueing each other through American courts or through clans.
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jun 18 2004, 03:28 AM) |
| Just like you, I wouldn't care either when I get married but I all know is that I wouldn't want to get married if the money didn't come out of my own pocket. I'm not about to be like most hmong guys who have their parents pay for it or take out a loan from thier relatives. Not that I have anything aganist that but because I've always believed that I shouldn't get something or in this case, someone, if I can't afford it personally. |
Good for u.
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jun 16 2004, 11:23 PM) |
| Yes, you make a very good piont, but if you are implying that I'm not an open minded person then you are entitled to your opinion but I think otherwise. I'm am very open minded but at the same time, I am also very opinionated. I feel that it is very important for everyone to have an opinion on something no matter how significant or insignificant it may be. Just to clear things up, I am one of those person who wouldn't want to see the Hmong culture die, but there are just some things that I don't agree with. I also realize that the only thing I can do about it is to accept it for what it is or not accept it at all. I am very supportive regarding the whole general concept of weddings and whatnot, but there are a few processes that I wouldn't mind excluding. I'm sure that the traditional practices of today is a little different than that of a couple centuries ago, but the general idea still remains the same. You may see a few changes, exclusions, and additions here and there but the main idea is still the same. Just like everything else in life, it has its pros and cons but I guess I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it in order for me to contribrute to prolonging this culture. My opinion of opposing some of the notions in this tradition still stands but it is by no means more significant than that of keeping this culture alive for years and years to come. Realistically and sadly though, I think that it probably will die out in the future someday. I'm always intrigued in hearing people out so elaborate if you will. It's always beneficial to listen to other's opinion on certain issues because just one source is never enough IMO. |
This may just be an immature judgment but for someone who is open minded you sure seem to be defensive about the quality. =)
WOW!! Its an excellent Hmong weding...I hope to joint them wedding sometimes...But i dont know they welcome some persons who have the different nationality or not!!!!...How many case beers usually do the Hmong spend for each regular wedding??? 
| QUOTE (Dlib Ab @ Jul 6 2004, 04:13 PM) | ||
This may just be an immature judgment but for someone who is open minded you sure seem to be defensive about the quality. =) |
I know that I did sound very defensive but sometimes I just assume too much too quick. My perspective is only based on what I've experienced and learned about so far and that may or may not be enough. The information and argument that Hua has given me really enlighten me and opened my eyes to the big picture instead of just the little things that I accept but disagree with. I appreciate her going in-depth with her explanation instead of just telling me that my opinion was infantile and I just have to deal with.
| QUOTE (RockHeart @ Jul 6 2004, 09:59 PM) |
| WOW!! Its an excellent Hmong weding...I hope to joint them wedding sometimes...But i dont know they welcome some persons who have the different nationality or not!!!!...How many case beers usually do the Hmong spend for each regular wedding??? |
Just pray they don't bring out rice wine that's the number one killer. If they use beer like budweiser then it's normally not so bad, but when they bring out the rice wine it totally knocks people out. Talk about trying to kill someone. No offense to Vang people cause I got some Vang cousins too, who are my first cousins. But every single wedding I've been to so far, if it's one of there daughters getting married, they almost always bring out the rice wine.
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jul 7 2004, 01:50 AM) | ||
I know that I did sound very defensive but sometimes I just assume too much too quick. My perspective is only based on what I've experienced and learned about so far and that may or may not be enough. The information and argument that Hua has given me really enlighten me and opened my eyes to the big picture instead of just the little things that I accept but disagree with. I appreciate her going in-depth with her explanation instead of just telling me that my opinion was infantile and I just have to deal with. |
Keep in mind, I'm one of very few girls who are actually okay with bride price. The majority of my peers or girls around my age I've talked to aren't okay with it because most believe the way you did at one point. And most times I find that it is because they don't understand the culture of a Hmong wedding at all or know only very little about it and make assumptions. And when I try to explain it, most times I find they just don't care to understand it.
i dont know much about your guys culture firsthand but my girl told me that in a hmong wedding is filled with alcohol. and that a two is to be attended by their peers, relatives, days before teh ceremony.
| QUOTE (flipcombatmedic @ Jul 14 2004, 09:15 PM) |
| i dont know much about your guys culture firsthand but my girl told me that in a hmong wedding is filled with alcohol. and that a two is to be attended by their peers, relatives, days before teh ceremony. |
What u mean by a two is to be attended by their peers, relatives, days before teh ceremony? I don't understand what u mean. Yeah, there is alcohol during a wedding, depends on what u consider a lot though. Alcohol cosumption also varies from clan to clan and family to family. There's a lot that goes on at a wedding which is too difficult to explain w/o getting technical, and will take to long to explain, so I'll keep it short. There is alcohol, but I really don't know a lot of alcoholics in my community, except 1 maybe. Which isn't a lot, considering how many aunts, uncles, and cousins I have.
well she said that the couple to be wed will be followed/attended around for days by their same age cousins of relatives or something before the day of the wedding ceremony. like got wherever they go and stuff.
| QUOTE (flipcombatmedic @ Jul 15 2004, 09:38 PM) |
| well she said that the couple to be wed will be followed/attended around for days by their same age cousins of relatives or something before the day of the wedding ceremony. like got wherever they go and stuff. |
Alright, I get it. U r talking about the bridesmaid n the best man. N the one doing a lot of following is the bridesmaid. A wedding is actually bout 2-3 days long. Considering if u think of the negotiation n all that. cause negotiation of brideprice is all part of the wedding ceremony when u think of the singing done during it n the formality of it.
No opposition but yeah I agree with you about the drinking part for a different reason. What's the point of initiating one another when everyone is drunk. That part I don't get cause you don't remember what to call them the next time you see them right? Your just thinking about getting this thing over with and crash. 
| QUOTE (Traps @ Jun 16 2004, 11:23 PM) |
| Yes, you make a very good piont, but if you are implying that I'm not an open minded person then you are entitled to your opinion but I think otherwise. I'm am very open minded but at the same time, I am also very opinionated. I feel that it is very important for everyone to have an opinion on something no matter how significant or insignificant it may be. Just to clear things up, I am one of those person who wouldn't want to see the Hmong culture die, but there are just some things that I don't agree with. I also realize that the only thing I can do about it is to accept it for what it is or not accept it at all. I am very supportive regarding the whole general concept of weddings and whatnot, but there are a few processes that I wouldn't mind excluding. I'm sure that the traditional practices of today is a little different than that of a couple centuries ago, but the general idea still remains the same. You may see a few changes, exclusions, and additions here and there but the main idea is still the same. Just like everything else in life, it has its pros and cons but I guess I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it in order for me to contribrute to prolonging this culture. My opinion of opposing some of the notions in this tradition still stands but it is by no means more significant than that of keeping this culture alive for years and years to come. Realistically and sadly though, I think that it probably will die out in the future someday. I'm always intrigued in hearing people out so elaborate if you will. It's always beneficial to listen to other's opinion on certain issues because just one source is never enough IMO. |
There is never a perfect culture or tradition. There are always going to be controversy because no one thinks the same. So take it like a man. I'm pretty sure the culture and tradition will not die, but instead change. Everything changes, except if you're in a vacuum. And about opposing your parents getting a loan from your relatives or even paying for your wife, you're still going to pay them back. So it's not like the money's not going to come from your pocket, hell, you probably might even have to pay interest if that makes you happy! Everything successful in life is not always doing it yourself, you'd want help from friends, relatives, and family. You'd agree on that if you're open minded. Maybe you're just too open minded that it goes through one ear and out the other? Anyways, you'd stop this crying if I think you're as intelligent as you seem to write.
i kinda opose the wedding becus of the money to much money is invole and to much thing is need
| QUOTE (fallenone @ Sep 3 2004, 10:59 AM) |
| i kinda opose the wedding becus of the money to much money is invole and to much thing is need |
You can oppose it, but it's part of culture. Like SuperNatural said, nobodies culture is perfect. If u look at the European Culture, they practically purchased the groom too at one point, if you want to look at it that way. Also, if you think Caucasian's weddings are less than our wedding's or that the expense is split evenly between the bride and groom, think again. It varies with them as it does in our culture. And if you decide not to do a wedding with Bride Price involved and decide to just celebrate the wedding, expenses for a wedding like that can go just as high or if not more than a wedding with a Bride Price involved.
Yep...10gs nothing! What you care? You got your wife the person you love right? In time that 10g will be paid, if you don't have the money up front to pay the dowrie you can borrow from relatives. Atleast its with no interest.LOL I'll trade 10g for a wife rather than a sports car anyday. Caucasian weddings are far more complicated than our culture, if you don't believe me try and see for yourself. Its a lot more expensive too. I guess, the only thing that you get away with is the heavy drinking which does not exist in caucasian weddings. 
LOOK HERE...FOR ALL OF YOU WHO OPPOSED THE HMONG WEDDING....TOUGH....ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT [COLOR=blue]IT IS OUR TRADITION TO DO SO[COLOR=blue] IT IS LIKE AN AMERICAN WEDDING GETTING MARRY WITHOUT A RING....DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND ME.......LOVE AND VALUE YOU CULTURE PLEASE IT IS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT TRIES TO CORRUPT OUR CULTURE.....DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND ME???? ITS OUR TRADITION TO DO SO......!!!!!!!DAME THOSE WHO OPPOSED ARE SO DUMB
Yep...Opposing it, is just being stupid. Just accept who you are and what you are.
There is no way for you to be other people.
There is no way for you to be other people.
right on! accept how cultures are everyone has different values and this is ours.....if you want it different go ahead and do watever but hmong culture is this way like or not.
even though im hmong i oppose that $hit too...but it's hmong culture
so i gotta live with it....which sucks though...damn better start saving up
LOL.....heck i can even get myself a new civic with that kind of money
no matter what i'm always proud to be hmong
so i gotta live with it....which sucks though...damn better start saving up
LOL.....heck i can even get myself a new civic with that kind of money
no matter what i'm always proud to be hmong
another way to pay is that have your girl work everyday and saving until the wedding and she'll pay for it only if she really love you
Haha...Yes, I agree with you, Chou. I don't know if girls would be working and saving for their marriage for the one's they love but it would be nice if she does.
QUOTE(Traps @ Jun 2 2004, 07:08 PM) 
No disrepect to the traditional Hmong wedding but when ever I think about it, I always find myself opposing it. First, you have the price of the bride which makes her seem even more like an object and practically puts the groom or his parents in debt if they aren't financially independent. Then you have the beer drinking which is something I find absurd. It's not just because I don't drink myself (I am very concerned about my health and fitness), but it's like saying," welcome to the family, now it's time for you to pass out". I know that not all guys pass out but you get the idea. I understand that it's a way of proving yourself to your in-laws, but I feel that there are more sensible ways of doing this. I'm not trying to say that the whole Hmong traditional wedding sucks in general but that there are certain processes, IMO that we can omit to make the wedding itself much smoother. I know that one of the main reasons why Hmong guys might contemplate marriage is because of the cost to them. I know of relatives who are still in debt from taking out loans from other relatives and even banks to pay for their wife's hand in marriage. I'm still contemplating marriage due to numerous reasons, but I feel that if I can't pay for my wife myself then I probably don't deserve a wife.
Again, this is just my opinion and I apoligize ahead of time if some of the statements I made may have offended you. It could be that I am just very ignorant when it comes to Hmong weddings, but please feel free to enlighten me on this matter if you disagree with my opposition on this issue.
Again, this is just my opinion and I apoligize ahead of time if some of the statements I made may have offended you. It could be that I am just very ignorant when it comes to Hmong weddings, but please feel free to enlighten me on this matter if you disagree with my opposition on this issue.
Me as a hmong girl, i feel like we're just getting train until we're ready to be sold like some kind of animal to a dumb hmong guy who decides to buy us. It makes me sick thinking that, us, hmong girls parents, are welling to trade our soul for just a couple thousand of dollars. Money comes and money goes big deal. We're talken about a living, breathing soul here. PLZ dont treat girl like animals. It hurts!!!!!!
Money: Actually, it costs the bride's family just as much as it would cost the groom's family for a Hmong wedding. Where the hell do you think all that money comes from for the damn cow? Not to mention that it is the bride's family that buys all that alcohol. The bride's gifts (usually given by the parents her clothing) are very expensive.
Alcohol: Makes everything official. It's very.. adult. In many cultures alcohol is consumed on special occasions. AND... don't tell me that you've never got drunk with your friends before?? >.>;;; It's pretty much the same thing. It brings the two sides of the family closer together in a very short amount of time. For example, Happy Hour; brings colleagues who work together closer together. Besides that, there is a symbolic meaning behind the alcohol. It is much more important and highly valued than say.. water.
Bride price: There was a reason for that a long time ago. I can't agree with some of the writers here that no one cares about it anymore. Because, my parents certainly do. Not because they'll get the money.. it is only about $5000-10,000... why would they choose $5000 over their daughter? It's about the amount of respect their son-in-law has for them to make everything official. YES, the bride price is symbolic in that way and shouldn't be overly analyzed in the WESTERN capitalist sense.
I don't consider myself a traditionalist, however, out of respect to my parents I would go through with the whole "traditional" wedding even if my future husband is not Hmong. I love my parents very much, and it's the least I can do to have them give me a traditional Hmong wedding to show the Hmong community (our family) what kind of class and status my parents deserve.
Alcohol: Makes everything official. It's very.. adult. In many cultures alcohol is consumed on special occasions. AND... don't tell me that you've never got drunk with your friends before?? >.>;;; It's pretty much the same thing. It brings the two sides of the family closer together in a very short amount of time. For example, Happy Hour; brings colleagues who work together closer together. Besides that, there is a symbolic meaning behind the alcohol. It is much more important and highly valued than say.. water.
Bride price: There was a reason for that a long time ago. I can't agree with some of the writers here that no one cares about it anymore. Because, my parents certainly do. Not because they'll get the money.. it is only about $5000-10,000... why would they choose $5000 over their daughter? It's about the amount of respect their son-in-law has for them to make everything official. YES, the bride price is symbolic in that way and shouldn't be overly analyzed in the WESTERN capitalist sense.
I don't consider myself a traditionalist, however, out of respect to my parents I would go through with the whole "traditional" wedding even if my future husband is not Hmong. I love my parents very much, and it's the least I can do to have them give me a traditional Hmong wedding to show the Hmong community (our family) what kind of class and status my parents deserve.
A tradition is tradition because you repeat it without much question, despite your personal views. If you don't want to do things a certain way, then just don't do it. But instead, offer an alternative. It's a better compromise.
QUOTE(smilejk @ Jun 2 2008, 03:40 PM)
Me as a hmong girl, i feel like we're just getting train until we're ready to be sold like some kind of animal to a dumb hmong guy who decides to buy us. It makes me sick thinking that, us, hmong girls parents, are welling to trade our soul for just a couple thousand of dollars. Money comes and money goes big deal. We're talken about a living, breathing soul here. PLZ dont treat girl like animals. It hurts!!!!!!
I thought Christians do it the Christian way? You get a nice fancy reception and a party. Not to mention a big rock in your finger also. It's so civilize unlike our traditional weddings.lol
But seriously girl, no women can be consider a livestock unless you want people to do so. You have to value yourselves with worth, honor, value, and respect...
QUOTE(yajthaugluv @ Jun 7 2008, 09:40 PM)
I thought Christians do it the Christian way? You get a nice fancy reception and a party. Not to mention a big rock in your finger also. It's so civilize unlike our traditional weddings.lol
But seriously girl, no women can be consider a livestock unless you want people to do so. You have to value yourselves with worth, honor, value, and respect...
But seriously girl, no women can be consider a livestock unless you want people to do so. You have to value yourselves with worth, honor, value, and respect...
Just because Christians do not have the religious beliefs of non-Christians, doesn't mean that Hmong traditions are going to change. There is a difference between religion and tradition. I believe you are mixing up western traditions with Christianity.
Agreed with your last comment.
Also to smileJK, I think you should look past your own miserable feelings and really try to understand why your parents do the things they do. There is a reason for it. Your mom wasn't a cow bought to be popping babies, nor does she think you are either. Trust me they're not trading our souls because they do not think in the same capitalist framework as we are.
Also yajthaugluv, my mom "paid" for herself because my dad only had somthing like $18 dollars in the bank. So the idea of the bride contributing to her own wedding isn't farfetched.
QUOTE(yajthaugluv @ Jun 7 2008, 10:40 PM)
I thought Christians do it the Christian way? You get a nice fancy reception and a party. Not to mention a big rock in your finger also. It's so civilize unlike our traditional weddings.lol
But seriously girl, no women can be consider a livestock unless you want people to do so. You have to value yourselves with worth, honor, value, and respect...
But seriously girl, no women can be consider a livestock unless you want people to do so. You have to value yourselves with worth, honor, value, and respect...
Goodness just because i'm Christian doesn't mean that Hmong traditions are going to change. o_O
but man, sometimes at wedding, people tell me that the more the guy are welling to pay, that means girl is worth more. Thats sad, wat if at my wedding, my parents decides to give me away for free.........awwwww i would b so heart broken. ahahhahaa.... but on the other hand ...wat if my parents charge soo much, me and my future husband would b in debt for a long time =( .....ummm......i'm not really sure how i would picture my wedding. I just wanna DATE for-ever! just kidden...........ahahhaa man if i did, i would b living a sad life huh?........
QUOTE(smilejk @ Jun 9 2008, 12:24 PM)
Goodness just because i'm Christian doesn't mean that Hmong traditions are going to change. o_O
but man, sometimes at wedding, people tell me that the more the guy are welling to pay, that means girl is worth more. Thats sad, wat if at my wedding, my parents decides to give me away for free.........awwwww i would b so heart broken. ahahhahaa.... but on the other hand ...wat if my parents charge soo much, me and my future husband would b in debt for a long time =( .....ummm......i'm not really sure how i would picture my wedding. I just wanna DATE for-ever! just kidden...........ahahhaa man if i did, i would b living a sad life huh?........
but man, sometimes at wedding, people tell me that the more the guy are welling to pay, that means girl is worth more. Thats sad, wat if at my wedding, my parents decides to give me away for free.........awwwww i would b so heart broken. ahahhahaa.... but on the other hand ...wat if my parents charge soo much, me and my future husband would b in debt for a long time =( .....ummm......i'm not really sure how i would picture my wedding. I just wanna DATE for-ever! just kidden...........ahahhaa man if i did, i would b living a sad life huh?........
Nope, I like the single life
i'm okay with the hmong traditional wedding except for the alcohol. i don't see why there's so much drinking going on. In the past, there weren't even that much drinking, but as alcohol became easily accessible, people just went crazy for it. i guess it has to do with mentality of people when they have alcohol involved, just like in clubs or at parties...
QUOTE(riceygirl @ Jul 14 2008, 09:47 PM)
i'm okay with the hmong traditional wedding except for the alcohol. i don't see why there's so much drinking going on. In the past, there weren't even that much drinking, but as alcohol became easily accessible, people just went crazy for it. i guess it has to do with mentality of people when they have alcohol involved, just like in clubs or at parties...
Alcohol is good
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